Two Souls
by Boreas Anemos
Summary: Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu finds herself in a strange place. Soon, she is in strange, but welcome company of Yui Ikari. The strangeness does not end there. This story contains giant robots and afternoon tea. It may also contain: identity crises, drama, romance, and psychological issues.
1. Chapter 1 - Tea Time

**Two Souls - chapter 1: Tea Time  
**

.

On a warm, summer afternoon, a woman is walking the corridors of a house. The sun shines through large windows; the sunrays dance on the dust that rises as she passes. This is a mansion, an opulent house, a relic of the past – or a result of someone's grandeur and fascination with the old. It is filled with a lot of art: paintings, sculptures, old furniture… and yet it is eerily empty.

Corridors are endless. The woman is roaming them, looking for something, something very important, something critical, but she does not know what it is. _'It must be here. There is no other place it can be.'_ She has no idea how she came here. She does not know where she is. She does not know–

' _Who am I?'_

She walks the corridors, looks through the windows, enters the rooms. A living room, with large fireplace, but there is no fire in it. A study, filled with shelves and shelves of books; she stifles the urge to browse them; the answer is not in the books, that she knows. A large bedroom, with huge double bed, empty and neatly made. Smaller bedroom, with colourful furnishing and small bed, most likely a child's room. A nursery, with a baby bed and some toys. A dressing-room.

She feels drawn inside this one. There are several closets, a clothing rack or two, a mannequin, and a large standing mirror in heavy frames.

The woman in the mirror is dressed in proper XIX century dress, her face bright; she is younger than she remembers herself from the day she–

The day she–

Died?

Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu beholds her reflection with a mix of confusion and fear.

' _This is who I am. But this is_ _ **wrong**_ _. This is like lifted from a damned Jane Austen novel, this is not Berlin, this is not my home, this is not the laboratory, this is not… Where am I?'_

...

The mansion is enormous. Kyoko enters another floor; finds a kitchen, dining room, some kind of workshop for stuffing animals. All rooms are full of things, all rooms are devoid of people. _'Am I a prisoner? Is this some nightmare?'_ , a seed of panic starts to bloom. Her steps hasten, leading her to a corridor, seeking an exit. She heads outside, swinging the garden door with force.

"Oh."

An Asian woman sits in the garden behind a table set for an afternoon tea. She wears a dress from the same time as Kyoko's and a simple, if appropriate to the time period, straw hat.

"Hello, Soryu", the woman says. "Please, join me", she gestures at a wicker garden chair across the table. Kyoko stares at her, unmoving. Woman's slender hands reach for a porcelain teapot. "Please, sit down. I will explain. Tea?"

"Hello", Kyoko manages to say. The woman does look _familiar_ … her name is on the tip of Kyoko's tongue, her importance on the verge of Kyoko's understanding… but still eluding her. She sits down on the edge of the seat. Somehow, she is able to handle this unwieldy dress without tripping. In different circumstances, she would wonder about that little detail; now, she is too busy figuring out what the Hell is going on.

The woman pours the tea into an elaborate teacup and hands it to Kyoko with steady hands; Kyoko notices her own hands shaking. She sets the teacup it on the table with a sudden move and is glad when it does not break. "What– what is happening? What is– what is this?"

The woman looks at her with surprise, her dark eyes expressing worry. "This… may be more problematic than I thought. Let's start from the beginning, then. Do you know who you are?"

"I… I am Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu", Kyoko replies hesitantly. _'Tip of my tongue…'_

"Good. What is the last thing you remember?", the woman inquires while slicing the cake.

"The corridors… and not much before."

The woman sighs. "Not good. Something must've gone wrong. The beginning is further than I thought; good that we have time", she smiles. "Next question: do you know who I am?"

Kyoko shakes her head. Her mind is racing. The woman sighs again: "I was hoping to avoid that; it ruins the immersion, but it seems your memory needs something familiar to latch on."

She stands up, Kyoko's eyes track her movements: she is small, graceful, and confident in her movements… and annoyingly familiar. "Look at me, and remember", the woman says softly. In an eyeblink, her appearance shifts: Kyoko now stares at a short-haired woman in modern clothing and a lab coat. She smiles a familiar smile: "How is it now?"

Kyoko's mind is suddenly flooded: images, voices, scenes. _This was a woman she heard of and finally met, a brilliant scientist whose work she admired and continued, the person that sacrificed–_

"Ikari. Yui Ikari."

The woman smiles.

...

Kyoko sits on the edge of her seat, her head spinning. She tries to collect her thoughts, but for now, she focuses on her tea; the peach pie tastes great, so does the infusion. Yui sits across the table, back in her period dress; she changed back as quickly as she assumed modern attire the moment before. She is still smiling; Kyoko takes a deep breath.

"All right. I know who I am, I realised that when I saw my face. Now you stirred my memory on who you are", she trails off. "Are we dead? Is this Heaven? Hell? Purgatory?"

"It is… complicated. I feel pretty alive, thank you, but it is no surprise you thought me dead; after all, all the methods of measuring soul presence had no baseline", Kyoko nods, not really following. "And no, this is neither: this is no afterlife at all. I didn't exactly _name_ this place, there was no need for it; I just call it _my garden_. I created it when I was… well, bored", Yui explains, a bit sheepishly. Kyoko raises one eyebrow. "It is lonely and empty inside the Evangelion."

Kyoko freezes for a moment, teacup in hand starting to shake. _'I died. I am… Eva?'_

 _The Memory of horrible pain and feeling of burned skin floods her mind. Images follow, chaotically: preparations for Contact Experiment; more pain, pain that felt like something was clawing on her soul, leaving scorched marks; the moment when she saw_ _ **herself**_ _inside the Core, as if she was looking from the outside; then silence. Long silence, interrupted by hazy dreams of her… daughter? inside the Evangelion._

She shakes her head repeatedly. "I am Evangelion. I am inside", she manages to say.

"Yes", Yui replies; Kyoko feels a warm hand touching her own. Kyoko reflexively pulls back.

Silence surrounds them for a time, interrupted only by a bird screeching in the bushes. Kyoko's breath slows down, and she raises her eyes back to meet Yui's.

"I'm… sorry. This is… I knew it could end like this, but…", she shakes her head again and takes a sip of tea. "I… I don't have memories after the… accident. Experiment. No clear ones… what… how?"

Yui sighs. "It is not exactly easy to explain. My transformation must have caused changes in protocol. Unit-01 is… specific. Unfettered. Less fettered. Contrary to you, I am aware almost all the time, and it the beginning, it was maddening. But then I realised I control the soul of this… thing, or at least some components of it. So, I started to shape it. Carved out a corner for myself. I had years to do this", Yui elaborates, smiling.

"You made yourself a garden. Inside a most powerful war machine known to humanity. Like a poet forced to become a warrior", Kyoko realises, with a hint of awe.

"I am not a poet, Soryu", Yui objects. "I am a scientist. I wanted a place. Somewhere to go. So, I made it with my own mind."

"All right", Kyoko shakes her head and pinches the bridge of her nose. "I am tempted to interrogate you on _how did you manage to create all this_ and _how I can replicate it in my own machine_ , but there is a more pressing matter, besides me going mad from all this revelation. Tell me: **why does this look like a film set for** _ **Pride and Prejudice**_ **adaptation?** "

"I like the dresses" is the only reply; Yui hides her face behind a suddenly enormous teacup. Kyoko rolls her eyes at the blatancy of the guise. _'Well, what can I say, they_ _ **do**_ _look nice. Of course, it requires ignoring many, many unpleasant aspects of the era to enjoy; well, maybe this is why this place is so empty?'_ , she muses. She takes another piece of cake; _'for an illusion, they really taste great.'_

There is a moment of silence with only cutlery clattering.

"Ikari…", she speaks up after eating another slice; _'This is actually neat, I guess I can eat all I want here and not even worry once about my health'_ , she spares a thought before returning to a more serious tone of thinking. "Why did you bring me here? You could create any company you wished here, I suppose, why bring me here? And how?"

Yui puts down her suddenly normal teacup, her face serious. "This is the grimmer part. 'How' is relatively simple – Evangelions have numerous systems, and while most of them are disabled when they're locked down, some are not considered dangerous enough to warrant separate locks – and they use very little power. I subverted the comm system; please, don't ask me _how_ I did that _exactly_ , most people don't know how their bones realign when they turn their palm or how to move their vocal chords in order to speak; they just do it and it works. I used my instinct and Eva's feedback. I flexed the mind's muscles, so to say, and just did it."

"There was one soul in another unit, but it was… hostile, messy, wrong, almost alien. I suppose I confused it further, made it angry. Or maybe I misread its expressions. I just don't know. I stopped reaching when she screamed at me", Yui picks up her teacup again. "I didn't try again, lest I cause damage or singe myself. Then there were some battles and healing that took my attention, and then I sensed some other presence. I reached out… and found you."

Kyoko nods, her head still spinning. "And you somehow transferred me here? Is the other Eva empty? Why couldn't I do it?"

"One thing at a time, dear", Yui smiles and briefly touches Kyoko's hand; this time, Kyoko does not pull her hand back. "No, I did not _transfer_ you here… I think I did not. You're not _exactly_ here, I believe. Please, keep in mind it's the first time I do this, so there is a lot of _ifs_ and _maybes_ ", she pauses and pours tea into Kyoko's nearly empty cup. "As far as I know, you're still in Core of your Evangelion. I… pulled your presence, established a link… again, don't ask me what exactly I did. There were some problems: locating you was difficult, you were… slippery, for the lack of better word. I kept hearing your voice, but sometimes it was… mangled, for lack of better word again. It took me a few days. Not that I had much to do between battles and healing", she smiles wistfully. "But I managed, and then busied myself with setting up the table until you found me", she finishes happily.

Kyoko takes her time digesting the explanation. "All right", she speaks up. "This kind of explains the _how_. Somewhat. It is fascinating, to be frank, and I would love to understand the process. But _why_? Aside from the company, of course, but I don't think of myself as a very good company. Unless you want to discuss science, of course."

Yui's face turns serious, and she takes Kyoko hand in both of hers. "We have a role to play, Soryu. We have a world to save… or to transform. And I need your help to do that."

Kyoko looks into Yui's eyes and sees a steely determination. _Suddenly,_ _this summer day feels very chilly…_

...

Kyoko was laying on the bed in the guest bedroom of the mansion. Yui has insisted that she remains for a while to think – or at least remain conscious – before she sends her back to what, according to their compared notes, amounted to suspended animation.

' _Animation… well, after all, I am just a soul now. Animation is just the term…'_ , she thought, smiling bitterly. She has still not decided whether her condition meant she was dead, alive, or somewhere in between. _'I wonder how safe it is for my sanity to think about this so much. Supposedly not very safe'_ , she sighed.

They spent the afternoon walking around the meticulously kept garden and talking about the situation. Kyoko has been continuously impressed by the amount of work it must have taken to sculpt it all. When asked, Yui just shrugged and wistfully repeated: "I had time", not elaborating any further. Kyoko decided not to press the issue; in contrast to all Yui was telling her, this issue seemed inconsequential.

And she just told Kyoko a remarkable story.

Of course, Kyoko was aware of some of it. She was educated – and one of the pioneers – in the field of metaphysical biology, and she was well-versed in secrets of the Evangelions. But even scientists working in GEHIRN and making ground-breaking advances in the field were not privy to all secrets. Yui clearly knew more – even if she was somehow evasive on sources of her knowledge. Kyoko listened, and slowly integrated the knowledge with what she learned in between Yui's Contact Experiment and her own demise.

' _My demise. My death. Or not-death'_ , her thoughts returned to her main point of confusion. She shook it off, returning her train of thoughts to the afternoon walk.

...

"This is where my knowledge ends. We conducted the Contact Experiment, and you know how it ended", Yui smiled sadly. Kyoko nodded. She had a hard time finding a reply to all the information Yui dumped on her; an uncomfortable silence enveloped them when they stopped to admire a field of blooming flowers.

"Thank you", Kyoko finally spoke up. Yui turned her head away from the flower she was looking at, surprise on her face.

"For what?", she asked, rising.

"Your… trust? Your… rescue?"

Yui smiled sadly: "I might have very well just doomed you, dear. While we might be safe from SEELE here, I took away the peace of oblivion you could simply enjoy until the very end."

Kyoko clenched her teeth and shut her eyes tight; her breathing quickened. _'Is that… anger? Fear? Do I even have those responses without a body?'_ , her mind raced. _'Oblivion. I was lost in oblivion. I was unaware. She pulled me out. She…'_

"Dead. I was dead. Is this what you mean, correct?", Kyoko replied with a shaky voice. Yui nodded reluctantly. "Then you gave me my life back, Ikari. Even if this means we are doomed anyway… thank you." Kyoko did not open her eyes; she felt tears burning behind the eyelids. A sob escaped her lips; she tried to force it down: _'Now? Right now? In front of Ikari? Great show I am putting on when she is counting on me to help her…'_

She startled when warm, small hands enveloped her own right hand; she wanted to pull her hand away… she chose not to. Her teeth remained clenched, her face tight.

"Soryu. What I did is not a blessing. I am burdening you with great responsibility, without any promise of great power to go with it. And if you go with my plan, I want you to go with both your eyes wide open." Yui's voice was soft but firm.

Her lips still tight, Kyoko opened her eyes, ignoring those few tears that have flown down her cheeks; her vision was blurred, but it did not matter. "I will. Ikari… it's my kid that is in it too, isn't she?"

Yui nodded. "Yes, there is. And it will be up to you to protect her."

Kyoko smiled through the tears. "I will. And…", she shook her head. "Thank you", she wiped her tears with her free hand.

Yui smiled softly, her hands withdrawing. She blinked in silent surprise when Kyoko's hand gripped hers for a bit longer; she did not comment on that. Silence reigned once more, but this time, it felt far more comfortable than before.

After a long pause, Kyoko spoke up once more: "Ikari… you mentioned a plan? I am not sure what we can do, being so trapped, our… machines… restrained?"

"In fact, I do, at least a beginning of one. It might not be perfect, or even complete, but there is one. I will explain it, once it is complete enough to discuss. One of the first steps was actually 'find allies'… and I believe this one has started well", Yui winked.

Kyoko felt a small blush creep up her face. She shook it off; there was no real reason for it to appear, after all.

"Ikari… Should we not perhaps leave planning, and possibly fighting, to soldiers, to this… NERV? Should we not focus on understanding how we can protect our children better?", she probed. _'I hope this doesn't sound too pessimistic…'_

Yui resumed her walk, gesturing Kyoko to follow. "Well, we could", Yui agreed. "But there are two strong arguments against that. First, my son and your daughter, and possibly other children their age are currently forced to fight life-and-death battles", Kyoko shivered on that. _'I should've thought on that, of course'_ , she chided herself. She still felt strangely… disconnected, her thoughts not clear.

"… and just protecting them when such battle occurs… I believe everyone able, let alone their mothers, should do far more", Yui continued. "Don't you agree?", she shot Kyoko a look. Kyoko responded with a hasty nod.

"Second, current commander of NERV is my dear husband, Gendo. And trust me: while he might be intelligent and strong-willed, he is not able to handle this whole thing alone. If I left things in his hands, I would not even have Shinji", Yui laughed softly.

Kyoko tilted her head. "What? Is he not…"

Yui seemed aghast for a moment, then shook her head with another laugh: "No, no, no, he is his son, of course. It's just… Gendo was always so busy, so driven; I had to reason with him for a long time that we should have children at all. Actually, I had to reason with him to even make love to me more often than on celebratory occasions", she smiled to herself sheepishly. A small blush crept up her face, her eyes turning dreamy.

Kyoko blush was, in contrast, far from small. _'This is a really… intimate detail, especially for someone so Japanese as Ikari was. Is, as Ikari is. Are we friends enough?'_ , Kyoko mused in surprise. _'On the other hand, I feel like I could tell her my secrets here and now… This is weird.'_ She shelved the thought for later. Many things were… different here.

Yui broke out of her reverie after a moment. "I'm sorry, I got… distracted", she turned to Kyoko and stopped upon seeing her blush; suddenly, their colours matched, and Yui waved her hands. "Sorry! I'm sorry! I made you uncomfortable, I apologise", she blurted out rapidly.

Kyoko shook her head dismissively. "No, no, stop, please stop, I was just… surprised. Don't worry, it's nothing", she forced a smile and took a deeper breath. "You were saying you don't trust your husband? Ex-husband? Errr… widower?"

Yui rolled her eyes subtly. "Pondering fine details of mine and his legal status is well out of the scope of current discussion and would require knowledge of Japanese law I do not have. As far as I understand from what you told me, I am legally dead, thus he is a widower. This takes care of this 'until death do us part' thing, I suppose. Not that it matters now, really, so let's settle with 'husband' for now; it's shorter, even if 'ex-husband' is more appropriate. And to answer your question, this is correct: I do not believe he is capable of handling the situation himself. He was never good with people", she sighed.

Kyoko raised her eyebrow. "Not good with people? He was rather… impressive, imposing, certainly seemed… capable."

Yui shook her head. "It's a mask. Actually… both Shinji and Gendo are the same: boys lost among the crowd, afraid of commitment, afraid of being hurt. It's just my son handles this by trying to please people whenever he can and running away when things get difficult… he inherited my soft hand, I think; I just hope determination came with it. On the other hand, Gendo was always the one to throw a punch, to act brash, to put on the 'tough guy' façade…", she trailed off, setting sun between the trees catching her eye. She sighed.

"No", she resumed, shaking her head. "Gendo will not succeed, not alone, and he is alone. As Professor Fuyutsuki put it: 'he would be a good mid-level yakuza, not a scientist or leader'; as much as I love the man, the professor was right. He would, if I remained at his side, yes. But…", Yui hesitated. Kyoko waited patiently. Fact that Yui said 'love', not 'loved' did not elude her.

"But I couldn't", Yui sighed. Kyoko heard a lot in this one sigh: the feeling of loss, a lot of pain, lost opportunities, a measure of regret. Feelings she quite well understood… no, more than understood – feelings she shared. Maybe not in regard to her husband – they did grow distant over time, their daughter being the main reason they remained together – but certainly towards Asuka. She would love to see her grow up… most likely just as Ikari would love to see her son grow up.

They leaned on opposite rails of a small bridge over a shimmering stream. Silence descended once more.

"I… I will have to think about it all", Kyoko broke the silence. "I mean… I'm with you, I'll do what I can to protect my Asuka, protect your Shinji, to resolve this… conspiracy", she added hastily. "But this is **a lot** to think about."

Yui nodded. "Of course. Stay the night… evening… I'm not sure if I even sleep here. I believe that when I send you back, you will be unconscious once more until I pull you back. So… stay, if you wish to think. I'll make a guest room for you", she smiled warmly.

Kyoko responded with a nod and a cautious smile. "Thank you. That'll help."

...

Kyoko was staring at the unfamiliar ceiling. It was in the same style as everything else in this place, and she was slowly getting used to this particular weirdness. This was actually one of those things her host did not provide an explanation for; questions were evaded or dismissed with 'I like the style' – this was, of course, a valid answer, but Kyoko had a feeling there is more to it. Again, she knew that pressing for answers would be rude, not to mention petty in the face of far more important questions.

Sleep did not come, but the morning did – far sooner than she would expect. And with it, clattering of porcelain and cutlery. Apparently, breakfasts were also part of the plan.

She rose and stretched, only to notice a change in her attire. She was now wearing a much simpler dress, something she would describe as 'homely grey'. _'I don't remember changing… it will take some time to get used to'_ , she sighed.

A knock on the door broke her reverie. "Please enter", she collected herself; the door opened, and a familiar face framed by short brown hair peeked in. Yui wore a warm, playful smile.

"Can I interest you with a breakfast, my esteemed guest?"

Kyoko scratched her head. "I'm not even sure…", she started, only to be interrupted by her stomach grumbling. She blinked in surprise.

"Ikari. Are **you** doing this?", she asked indignantly, a hint of panic seeping in. "If so, please stop. This is weird."

Yui's lips tightened into a thin line as she stepped in the doorframe. "I'm… not sure", she stated seriously. "Definitely not consciously, no. But please, remember that you are the first and only person that came here since I created this place. So… if I do, this is not intentional, and I do apologise", she paused. "Rest assured, I am not trying to manipulate you… nor am I toying with you. That would be wrong… rude even, not to mention childish and irresponsible."

Kyoko nodded. _'Truth or not, there's not much I can do about it now… maybe except learning how to do it myself. And there's no need to be rude on my part'_ , she calmed herself. "No need to apologise, I believe you", she replied with reassurance in her voice. "From what we know about how all this works, **I** could be doing this to myself: I think 'this is morning, so I _should_ be hungry', and I am hungry", she shrugged and headed towards the door. "Let's go, I wonder what a breakfast here is like", she smiled at the younger woman.

...

"Do you mind telling me what this is, exactly?", Kyoko inquired at the strange, rectangular pieces of… cake? that were on the platter in front of her.

"It is called 'pound cake', and it is quite tasty – and filling", Yui answered and handled her guest a cup she just filled with fragrant tea. "I believe there is a German equivalent, but I don't know how it is called. But it would be better to start with toast, first", she added.

"Toast? I don't see- ah", Kyoko realised the newest addition to the table – perfect, golden toasts on her plate and jam next to it. "I am not going to get used to it anytime soon, I'm afraid", she said, slight exasperation in her voice.

Yui's face suddenly showed mild dejection. "I'm sorry; there is no other way. Believe me", she shuddered subtly, her voice subdued. Kyoko rose her eyebrows. Yui just shook her head in response. "You'll get used to it, I hope", she smiled a clearly forced smile. "Have you thought about what I said yesterday?", her voice rose. "Do you have any questions?"

Kyoko just made a mental note to inquire later. "Yes, I did, and no, I don't. Nothing coherent, at least", she admitted. "This… all… is big, and I suppose I'll just wait until you decide to tell me your plan."

Yui nodded. "Of course; we can discuss the plan together. Once you process what I told you, of course."

Kyoko nodded and took a bite of the toast. They ate in silence, sipping on the tea from time to time. _'I could live like this…'_ , Kyoko though, surprised by her own train of thought. _'It might not be real, but it's… nice. Peaceful. I guess I missed that in the past'_ , she mused. _'Peaceful, big conspiracy we need to defeat aside'_ , her mind helpfully added the drawbacks. _'Conspiracy or not, I am eating a breakfast with someone I can consider… friend, and I_ _ **am**_ _at peace. I guess I will enjoy it while it lasts'_ , she smiled internally.

"Do you like it?" were words that reached her. She returned to… reality – for lack of better word – and focused her eyes on Yui, a question in her eyes. "You're smiling", she explained. _'Oh. Well, I_ _ **am**_ _happy, I guess…'_

"Just… thinking", she answered cautiously. "And yes, it tastes good. Familiar, far better than most breakfasts I had at… well, work. Institute's cafeteria", Kyoko admitted. "Workaholism comes with drawbacks", she sighed. Yui nodded with an understanding smile; once more, there was silence.

"Ikari, can I ask you–", Kyoko started before noticing that her host is sitting still with the teacup in hand, and certainly not listening. "Ikari?", she reached to touch her hand.

Yui shook her head forcefully, her eyes shot open.

"My Evangelion is powered up. Something is coming, battle or a test. I must send you back. I will call you later", Yui blurted the sentences with speed of a machine gun, each heavy with both focus and worry. Kyoko just nodded.

"I will bring you here again, I promise. Remember: for now, just protect your daughter" With those last words, Yui closed her eyes, her expression becoming one of intense focus.

And then there was only darkness.


	2. Chapter 2 - Tanz mit mir

****Two Souls - chapter** 2 – Tanz mit mir**

.

Ever-embracing darkness, never-pierced darkness surrounds her, suffuses her. Cold, heatless, dark waters embrace her, choke her, drown her, make her scream. She tries to scream indeed, but there is no voice, no air to hold the sound, no one to hear it.

Falling endlessly, falling timelessly, falling with no sensation.

' _Is this how dying feels like?'_

The darkness answers and pulls her into oblivion.

...

She tries to fight it. She hears Ikari's voice, rattling in her mind: "Remember", "protect your daughter." Over that, she hears whispers of another. Indistinct, confusing… hateful?

She flails her hands, but they do not exist.

She tries to catch a footing, but she fails to feel her feet.

She keeps falling.

' _Is it like falling in the dream?'_ She tries to think, but it is hard to focus. _'You fall, and if you don't wake up before hitting the ground, you die? Is this what is happ–'_

A flurry of colours fills Kyoko's vision; the falling sensation vanishes abruptly, but it does not feel like hitting something; it feels like being caught. For a moment, her mind is confused, the visions overlap: there is outside, blurry and colourful, and there is inside, hazy and orange.

' _Outside. This is the earth, I am looking down on the ground… am I flying?'_

Double vision continues to confuse her; she shifts her perception unwittingly, to the inside of–

Entry Plug. This is an Entry Plug. And inside it–

' _Asuka. My daughter.'_

...

Kyoko stifled the urge to call out. _'No, she would startle, become distracted. And if this is not a test…'_

She noticed indistinct voices in the background: a woman is speaking. _'This must be the comm system…_ ' Kyoko focused on the voice but could not make the details out; just an impression of the face before it vanished – a young woman, maybe in her thirties, in some kind of uniform. _'Their commander, perhaps? I must ask Ikari how to tap into that system; it might be useful someday'_ , Kyoko resolved.

"Roger", Kyoko heard a girl's voice, loud and clear. It would make her stomach clench, if she had one. "This sucks. It's my Japanese debut. Why won't she let me take it out myself?", the girl continued. _'Asuka! It's her voice! She sounds so different, so… grown up… but it is_ _ **her**_ _!"_

"… helped. … strategy." Those words came words from outside, in a boy's voice and accompanied by boy's face; they were only marginally easier to hear than the woman's. The boy wore similar attire as Asuka – some kind of suit with accompanying headgear that looked like a miniaturised version of nerve connectors she was working with. _'A boy, possibly in another Evangelion? This has to be Ikari's son… and this has to be Ikari's Evangelion. This is where I was, this is where I spent last night…'_ She stopped this line of thinking before it made her head hurt, even if she was not certain whether her head could actually hurt in this body. She refocused on the banter and stifled a laughter when Asuka yelled at the boy, ordering him to stay out of her way, implying it was her show: _'Well, there was always fire in the women of the family… she_ _ **is**_ _my daughter, after all.'_

She felt a jolt, followed by sudden deceleration, and felt her – not her, Evangelion's, but also her – body shift to compensate and land gracefully. This was suddenly accompanied by a strange sensation of… something being… connected? Suddenly the minor feeling of thirst she felt abated, fresh vigour suffusing her.

"Two against one isn't a fair fight. I don't like it. Not my style", Kyoko heard Asuka grumble. Her daughter's discomfort with the situation was palpable, along with barely restrained desire to **act** , for better or worse. _'Her fire burns bright… and she keeps it under control poorly. Well, this is a reason to worry, to be honest. On the other hand, she is young…'_

The voice of their commander came back, hard to make out again. Boy's voice, announcing "… comes!" was far clearer, but still barely registering. _'I must ask Ikari how to connect to those– was zum…'_

A monstrous creature, grey-skinned, with a body shaped like an artistically written letter "Y" emerged from the ocean. Kyoko felt Asuka's anticipation spike, her desire to fight rise, her restraint wavering. She clearly knew what this thing was; she wanted to fight it, to kill it, just to show that she **can**. _'Is this the enemy we were preparing the Evangelions for? The… Angel? It must be, what else…. But this_ _ **thing**_ _is just bizarre.'_

"Okay, I'll go first! Back me up!", Kyoko heard Asuka's eager voice and felt her body moving. The boy tried to protest, but Asuka cut it with curt "Ladies first!"

Kyoko chuckle at her daughter's behaviour was cut short with a wave of euphoria coming from Asuka. Once more, a sensation of the body running, then jumping and falling in perfect attack washed over Kyoko; it was **her** body moving, but it was not her will that moved it. She moved it but under someone's else dictate. It felt increasingly strange, increasingly… wrong.

There was no time to ponder over it; emotions coming from Asuka were overwhelming; Kyoko did her best to push it down; _'Keep it low, do not reveal yourself…'_

Asuka let out a battle cry, and Kyoko – no, Evangelion Unit-02 – struck a perfect blow, bisecting the enemy from head to toe. _'If such terms applied to its anatomy'_ , Kyoko thought wryly.

"Well, Third Child?! A fight should be elegant and without waste!", Kyoko heard Asuka once more; the girl was radiating triumph and pride, emotions Kyoko could feel almost as if they were her own, emotions that shifted without warning: triumph turned into surprise, pride vanished, sweet taste of victory turned sour. Kyoko, engulfed in Asuka's emotions and trying to keep her own elation under control, failed to realise what is happening until–

' _Why does my body hurt and why am I flying backwards through the air?_ ' she asked herself, suddenly returning to reality. _'I struck, Asuka yelled something… and then confusion, surprise, betrayal, panic… oh, there were_ _ **two**_ _targets? Angel has risen from the dead?'_ – all this crossed Kyoko's mind at once. The flight ended before she could understand her situation. Landing **hurt**.

 **Pain.** Pain pain pain painpain **pain**!

She felt as someone hit her on the head, **hard**. Every bone of her body hurt, and it was dark; but it was just lack of light, with minuscule amount filtering in, not the relentless void she had faced moments before.

' _It always ends in pain, it always hurts. Until we die, and the pain ends forever'_ , she heard in her mind.

' _Who… Asuka? No, it's not her voice. Am I… who are you?_ '

Loud but still indistinct whispers, as confusing and hateful as before, were the only answer.

Despite lack of a body, she shivered. _'What is happening…_ '

She heard a groan.

 _'Asuka!'_

She turned her attention inside the… _'Entry Plug. It's safe, but… Asuka?'_ Kyoko reached tentatively but felt only disorientation and lingering pain; Asuka seemed unhurt, but she was also unconscious. _'I must not scare her…'_ , Kyoko stopped herself. She wanted to hug the girl, comfort her – but first, she did not know how to do it, exactly; second, she did not know how the girl would react, especially in her current dazed state. She limited herself to carefully reaching out and trying to touch her gently. Asuka's breathing slowed down, her pain lessened. Kyoko smiled to herself.

' _One step at a time, as with everything. If only it didn't_ _ **hurt**_ _so bad… Gott, she must feel that pain too!'_

Kyoko instinctively reached further, picturing Asuka in her arms. A pang of fear gripped her, fear of going too far, _'Caution be damned, she's unconscious, she won't tell anyone, and she is_ _ **in**_ _ **pain**_ _!'_ She felt her arms closing around her daughter; the image inside Entry Plug did not change, but…

" _Mama?"_ , Asuka mumbled despite her lack of consciousness.

Evangelions were not built with the ability to cry. This did not stop Kyoko from trying.

...

Kyoko held her as long as she could, but once Asuka started to regain consciousness, she withdrew hastily. _'I must not startle her. I must not make our awareness known, Ikari warned me, insisted we must remain a secret until we are ready to act. Time will come. Time will come',_ she kept telling herself. This did not quiet the urge to _talk_ , to _reach_ , to _hold_ Asuka… _'Time will come.'_

She watched the recovery operation and the return to base. Seeing the world from this perspective was becoming increasingly strange and harder to handle. She felt sensations that eluded description and would make her queasy or dizzy… if she had a digestive system or bony labyrinth. _'This is disturbing. I must talk to Ikari, she mentioned she is able to handle them…'_

Kyoko tried to ignore the sensations; focusing on her daughter helped. _'I felt her emotions, I felt her eagerness… felt her triumph and dismay. And I saw her! She's alive, she's fine, she's grown so much, she's happy!'_

She felt restrains being put on her body; she heard a technical, impassionate voice saying "Entry Plug ejected. Injecting Termination Plug" and felt her lower body go numb. Then "Termination plug injected. Evangelion powering down."

And then there was only darkness.

...

"Welcome back", a soft voice greeted her. Kyoko realised she was laying on the grass, warm sun shining on her face. She tried to blink the confusion away.

"This seems to be unavoidable, regrettably… I hope you'll get used to the transition sooner than later", the female voice continued. A silhouette stepped in front of Kyoko, blocking the sunrays and extending her hand. "I hope it didn't hurt too much?"

Kyoko took the offered hand and rose to her feet. One look around told her where she was – it was the same garden again, and despite feeling lightheaded, she realised what was going on. She turned to face her host. Yui Ikari looked the same, just a little bit more… tired? In pain?

"Ikari. Hello. Thank you. No, coming here did not hurt, it's just confusing. But the battle…", Kyoko breathed deeply. "It hurt a lot. And it was far more confusing. I felt… still feel queasy. If it's even possible with that set of organs."

Yui nodded; her face was sad. "Come. I made a serious mistake, and I am going to amend it as soon as possible."

Kyoko followed her through the garden, unsure what her host meant. The sun shimmered between trees; the wind was rustling the leaves and providing relief from afternoon's warmth. Yui stopped when they reached the grass between the garden and the house; she turned to face Kyoko. "Soryu. I am sorry", she bowed deeply. "I apologise for wasting your time and adding to your pain."

Kyoko shook her head, trying to process what she just heard; Yui opened her mouth again, stopping at Kyoko's raised hand. "Stop, stop, stop, stop", she protested. "What- what do you mean?"

Yui took a deep breath. "First, I wasted your time with a fancy tea party for no real reason, and then I sent you back carelessly without making sure you're unaware. I might not have caused your pain, but I certainly could have helped you avoid it", Yui explained with dismay… _'and shame?'_ on her face.

Kyoko shook her head. _'Is she serious?'_

"Ikari. Stop this, please", she interrupted Yui's attempt at continuing her apology. She took her hand; Yui startled but did not withdraw. "I… enjoyed the tea. I liked the cake. Talking was fun too", she smiled, before resuming a serious face. "And… and I was able to see my daughter again. What makes you think this is a bad thing?"

"Pain?", Yui tried again, her head low, her eyes locked on her hand in Kyoko's hands.

"No. Ikari… it's worth any pain. I was able to hear her, I was able to hug her! Besides, I just fell on my head", Kyoko smirked. "Evangelion fell on its head", she sighed. "It's not going to get easier to tell me from my… carrier? Host? Prison?"

"A bit of each, I guess", Yui sighed in turn, raising her head slowly. "Still, I'm sorry. I will try to teach you what I know as soon as possible. As the enemy was clearly not defeated, I expect another combat very soon."

Kyoko nodded. "I suppose so, but they shut me down – Evangelion, they shut the Evangelion down – before I heard anything useful."

"Same for me. While I hear and see a lot in that state, it's not that they discuss much near me", Yui smiled, finally looking at Kyoko again. "Well, Gendo comes to monologue sometimes, but it just gives me insight into his thinking and erodes my confidence in him." She gestured towards a blanket in the shade, next to a picnic basket that was not there a moment ago.

She poured tea over the improvised picnic table and handed the cup to Kyoko. Suddenly, she stopped; a head shake followed: "Wait, Soryu. You said you could hug your daughter?"

"Yes… maybe I shouldn't have, but she was in pain, she was unconscious, can't tell anyone, and…" Kyoko trailed off, unsure what to say.

"No, no, you did nothing wrong", Yui shook her head. "If she was unconscious, it's fine. This is your girl, after all; of course, you wanted to comfort her. It's just… unexpected. I simply didn't expect you to be able to, so soon after your… awakening", Yui elaborated. "This is… promising."

"Promising?", Kyoko looked at her companion, blinking in surprise. "Yes, being able to reach to Asuka is good, but…"

"I told you I have a plan. Part of that plan is to make everyone involved – and that means you, because I don't think that… being… I found before you would be a good ally – more aware and able to take over without berserking", Yui explained while finishing the picnic setup.

"Berserking?"

"Ah. You didn't experience it consciously, or at all. Let me explain."

Kyoko took a sip. _'I guess I have a lot to learn. I wonder how Asuka and this… boy… Shinji was his name? are doing. He seemed nice.'_

"Soryu? Are you with me?"

Kyoko returned to reality, or what passed for reality here, to see Yui leaning towards her with curiosity. "Earth to Base Zeppelin, are you there?", Yui prodded with a smirk.

"Sorry, Ikari, sorry – just thought about Asuka. And your boy. They seem… not to get along too well. She's… pushy. I wish I had been there to teach her better."

Yui laughed. "They're teenagers. Everyone's awkward at that time. They'll come to terms, don't worry. Maybe even become close, I don't know. Shinji is so much like his father… he would bloom with a strong woman at his side", Yui's laughter turned into another warm smile.

' _I like her smiles. Despite this weirdest possible situation we are in, she is still hopeful, still…. happy'_ , Kyoko realised.

"Not something to consider now. Where was I – ah, yes. Berserking", Yui resumed her academic demeanour. "Under specific circumstances – it usually involves pilot being incapacitated and our bodies suffering at least moderate damage – it is possible to pierce the veil entirely and assume full control. Well, not full", she corrected herself. "Instincts are rather strong, but we are able to direct them, and to act entirely independently of pilot input – which is usually absent at the time. What is more important, in this condition, we are able to act drawing on the flesh itself, without regard for external energy source", Yui kept elaborating. Kyoko was listening intently. "It cannot continue forever, and we will get… well, tired, for lack of better word, but it makes transcending the battery limitations possible. Not to mention, makes our bodies stronger than under constraint of being piloted. It is, in essence, acting in rage, unleashing the beast."

"The beast?" Kyoko asked in a confused voice. "What do you mean?"

"Well… You know what we made Evangelions from, and you spent more time on that project than I did", Yui replied. Kyoko nodded. "What tests did you perform after my Contact Experiment?"

"A whole lot of measurements and limited experiments with Cores. We couldn't activate Evangelions, of course, not without pilots. I guess they did, later, but not before my Contact Experiment."

Yui nodded. "It's only when you experience your Evangelion berserking, you realise, on the emotional level, that it is truly alive. Have you ever been angry, so angry you wanted to hit someone or smash something just to release that anger?"

Kyoko blinked. The intensity in Yui's voice was a bit disturbing. "I… guess? As a child, likely, no, as a teen, even more… but I don't remember", she admitted.

Yui nodded again. "Well, you can certainly imagine being angry, even if you don't recall any particular event. Now, take that feeling and turn it up by order of magnitude or two. You cannot stop it, you can only direct it. It is a bestial urge to destroy any threat, to protect what you care for at all cost. It stops only when the target is dead and ones you love are safe."

"It happened to you", Kyoko stated, in a barely audible whisper.

Yui nodded, her lips forming a thin line.

"In the first proper battle against an Angel", she resumed after a long pause. "When Shinji was trying to pilot my Evangelion, after seeing it first time in his life. We got beaten badly; he lost consciousness, and we were in pain. I felt my anger rising… and the veil parted. I didn't think much, I just lashed out. And killed that _thing_ ", Yui spat that last word out. Kyoko blinked; seeing Yui's face contorted by pure hatred was something entirely new to her eyes. The visage disappeared half a second later, but it was enough to make Kyoko feel uneasy.

Yui sighed, her face calm as if the scary visage never appeared. "I am not fond of returning to that state, I'd rather be able to achieve control with more awareness. You would benefit from such control as well – I have some ideas how to start, and we should test them – independently – as soon as possible. What do you think?" she looked Kyoko in the eye.

Kyoko nodded eagerly. "Absolutely. Berserking sounds… horrifying", she agreed, shaking her worries off. 'I'll think of it… later', she decided.

Yui clenched her teeth for a second. "It is. Now, this is what I had in mind…"

...

Kyoko was once more laying on the bed in the guest room. _'Aaaaand another thing to process. A few days ago, I was technically dead for more than ten years, and now I am in the middle of… something… something I can't ever properly digest.'_ She sighed. _'And Ikari has a plan, maybe even a Plan, and from what she already told me, it's a big one… and maybe has a chance.'_

She stared at the ceiling, a ceiling that was quickly becoming a familiar one.

' _Well, even if we go down following this plan, at least we go down protecting those we love and fighting people who want to pervert our work. What more can a mother and a scientist wish for?'_ , she smiled to herself.

' _Simple exercises to begin with, and an attempt to maintain consciousness even if I – if my machine – remains inactive'_ , she recalled Yui's suggestions. When she described the sensations, the younger woman was not sure how to counter them – she never felt like this in her Evangelion, it was somewhat more… cooperating, strange as it may sound.

' _Well, I'm a researcher, a scientist. Analyse the situation, find out facts, connect them, draw conclusions. Perform experiments if necessary. Formulate a hypothesis, test it, adjust… I did it before, I can do it again'_ , she resolved. _'It's just I was never a part of the sample…'_

Outside, it was already night. The cicadas were singing, and there was a distant ribbiting coming from the pond. _'Ikari certainly took care of the details… but I still wonder why there are no people here? I'm sure such places had staff, servants… maybe she's uncomfortable with the thought of someone serving her? Or maybe she feels it's not needed if she can create things out of thin air?'_

Kyoko shook her head: _'I'll ask her later. First, I should learn the important things… and maybe, maybe ask her how to create my own house – then, I could have her for tea and a proper breakfast'_ , she smiled to herself. _'I guess my version would be a proper castle, with a moat, a garden, and a great view from the walls… noblesse oblige, after all.'_

She sighed. Things were once more becoming complicated, but–

' _I saw her. I comforted her. She is fine.'_

This thought made her smile again.

...

Once more, the sleep did not come, but the morning did – once more, far sooner than expected. And once more, Yui came to invite her for breakfast – this time a simple, yet tasty affair, followed by a deliberation on how best to begin Evangelion control training.

"Simple things, like moving an arm a bit; they will most likely be written off as mechanical or electrical glitches", Yui suggested.

"Have you tried it?", Kyoko asked, taking a sip of tea. She managed to convince Yui not to remove the small things that made their meetings pleasant. _'After all'_ , she reasoned, _'as long as we remained focused on what was important, having tea and cake go with it could not do any harm.'_

"Subtly, yes", Yui nodded. "I did assist Shinji when he faced the first one – before I… well, lost control", she winced. Kyoko wanted to apologise but bit her tongue. "Not much except that. There was no occasion, plain and simple. I will – once they reactivate us."

"Why not while we are in cages? You retain control, don't you? You mentioned you shielded Shinji before he even synchronised with you", Kyoko recalled. "It would be less a threat to them, to test our abilities out of combat."

Yui smiled. "You have good memory, dear. Yes, I did it, but only because it was necessary. Luckily, no one connected the dots, perhaps they wrote it off as a glitch or an instance of pre-entry synchronisation with a familiar pilot. Don't try to do anything like that, and nor will I, lest they start thinking", Yui's voice became serious. "They would investigate, and likely put further restraints on us. We can act carefully during activation tests; but we must experiment during combat, if discreetly. Just… let's not make their fights harder. It's bad enough that they have to feel everything."

Kyoko nodded with some dismay visible on her face. "You're right, I'm afraid. But that's another thing I wanted to ask about. Can we… shield them from that? Maybe reduce the pain?"

Yui shook her head. "No. They are literally attuned to us, even if they don't know that. That is the design of Evangelions: we control the flesh, they relay commands to us, feedback flows back. What we can do is strengthen the AT Fields, shielding ourselves – and them – from damage. Nothing else, unless you want to reject them as pilots by cutting them off", she explained with seriousness creeping into her voice. "And this is not an option, I believe."

Kyoko nodded once more. "So, we protect them by protecting ourselves. This… well, this makes sense. I am still not convinced about 'field tests', though. It feels like putting our kids in danger."

Yui tightened her lips. "Soryu. If there was another way, I would take it. I had years to figure things out. You do bring a fresh perspective, certainly, but trust me – we must be careful, even paranoid, if we don't want to end up locked down tight and unable to do a thing for your Asuka and my Shinji. This means acting only when Evangelions are active."

Kyoko took a deep breath. _'I don't like it…'_ Yui was looking straight into her eyes, clearly expecting an answer. "I know. I trust you on that, I really do. It's just… it just feels wrong." Yui smiled sadly in response.

"Believe me, Soryu. It's not something I ask of you eagerly. I just… well, I just know what we're dealing with."

Silence reigned for a while. Kyoko broke it first.

"What now? What do you think will happen? They – we – lost the fight, but we're still alive. This means the enemy… the Angel… is not pressing the attack?"

"I don't know much. After they recovered us, there was some frantic activity, checking on our bodies, and then everything died down. I'm guessing the command – most likely Gendo, Professor, and this Operations Director, Katsuragi, are making plans. Yes, they had to neutralise the threat somehow. I don't know how, yet."

She refilled Kyoko's teacup. "All I know is that we will be sent to fight again, soon. And it will not be easy. Your daughter is a skilled combatant, Soryu. Just keep yourself aware, and don't let them know you know." Yui's voice became hard, determined, and her eyes suddenly pierced Kyoko. "The temptation to reach to her–" Kyoko felt embarrassment creep up her face in a hot wave "–is great, I know, just as I am tempted to talk to Shinji, to tell him all be fine. But if they ask as much as a question that may indicate they know… they'll be in grave danger." Yui finished, and Kyoko felt a heavy stare on herself.

"I- I understand that, Ikari", she agreed. "Yes, it is tempting. But I will be more careful."

Yui smiled warmly, a stern contrast to her stare mere seconds ago. "I know you will."

For reasons unknown to her, Kyoko felt a chill running down her spine.

.

"Let's get over it once more, Soryu", Yui gestured over the impromptu diagram laying in front of them on the study table; a table covered in papers and holding two already empty teacups and a cold teapot.

"Theory can only bring us so far, Ikari", Kyoko sighed. "You told me the theory twice over, and I repeated it twice, too", she smiled. "I suggest we make a break."

Yui seemed unconvinced. "I'm not sending you out there unprepared, Soryu. Last time you got seriously hurt."

Kyoko shook her head. "Stop beating yourself, I told you, last time was not _that_ bad. I would not call it 'serious'. After all, you looked more beaten yourself", she smirked.

"Hardly… I was fine", Yui protested.

"And I had a very similar landing, so I'm fine too. I thought we were over that already, weren't we, Ikari? Come on, let's call it a day and take a walk in that great garden of your creation", Kyoko smiled at her.

Yui shook her head. "We have a very limited number of activations, Soryu. We cannot allow ourselves to be _idle_!", she raised her voice rather suddenly. "Their lives depend on it, and quite possibly, lives of many other."

Kyoko closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Ikari. I don't think… No. I know you know what you're doing. But you were never a teacher for a longer period of time, right?"

"Well", Yui replied in a confused voice, "no, just held some classes as postgraduate student…"

"Right. Please remember then, and I'm speaking from experience, no matter what Japanese education system is telling you, endless repetition of the theory is not the best way to master a skill", Kyoko carried on in a calm voice. "Next activation, if it is not throwing us into battle immediately, we will perform the experiments, remember the results… and adjust the plan", she underscored the last point by shooting her eyes open.

Yui listened, her head tilted. "Hm. I guess you're right, I'll defer to your experience", she finally smiled, only a hint of doubt in her voice. "But I will not stop working–"

Kyoko shook her head: "No. Of course not. And I will cooperate, I will help you, we were over that too. Just… could we not skip the 'play' part of 'work first, play later'?", she requested with an equal smile.

Yui stared for a moment, her expression incomprehensible. "You know, Soryu… you're a bit different than I remember you from back then."

Kyoko raised an eyebrow. "It's been a while between our… transitions, I might've changed. Besides… did we ever find time to have a tea party when we worked together? Or to just talk? Or, for that matter, discuss how to connect to a comm system of an Evangelion from inside the Core using a soul?"

Yui laughed. "No, we did not. You're right, it must be it. Different conditions, different facets of personality emerge." She paused. "All right, agreed. But let's do one thing before we rest, all right?", she requested, rising from the table.

"What is it?"

"Let's make a short list of exercises we should perform on next activation – and compare them. Just to make sure we're on the same page."

Kyoko nodded. "Reasonable. And then?"

"Then I'll show you the garden maze", Yui smiled.

...

Exploration of the hedge maze was suddenly cut short; Yui felt her Evangelion power up – this time, it was not the alert mode, but still an activation.

"All right, Soryu", Yui spoke up. "I'm sending you back, and just to make sure – you're in with the full awareness?"

"Yes", Kyoko nodded. "Ready when you are, Ikari."

...

Cold waters surrounded her once more, but this time the whole experience was far less confusing – and certainly less horrifying.

It was not any less unpleasant, though.

' _At least I don't feel like I'm dying anymore…'_

The hateful, dark whispers were there, but this time, it was easy to push them aside. This was her place now.

...

Activation was methodical, far less urgent; she saw Asuka inside the Plug, focused, determined… but also smiling. _'Is she really going for a life-and-death fight now? She doesn't seem to be afraid…'_

A wave of emotions washed over her the moment final connections were made; primary sensations were _joy_ and _confidence_. Kyoko felt sudden confusion at that; those were not emotions she associated with combat. A moment later, she felt Asuka's emotions change; now, a taste of surprise was there, too. Along with very familiar sense of confusion.

' _Did I just… hell, no!'_

"I'm fine, Misato, it's just a glitch, my Eva feels sleek as ever. Ready for launch!", Asuka replied to some inquiry from comm channel.

Kyoko tried to calm herself, with limited success. _'Keep it low, Soryu, don't make your daughter's life harder…'_

Colours flickered, and double vision came in. It was still confusing, but certainly less than the first time it happened. An underground bunker appeared before her eyes; Evangelion Unit-01 was to her left. There was that indistinct chatter of a woman in the comm system; Asuka replied with a curt "Roger!" and turned to the other pilot: "Full power, maximum speed from the start, got it?"

' _She must be talking to Ikari's boy…'_

"… sixty-two seconds", came the incomplete reply.

' _I guess this is not the best moment for experiments…'_ , Kyoko mused. _'At least not in movement… but I can try connecting to the communication system…'_

A sudden feeling of losing something and equally sudden jolt forced her thoughts towards reality, interrupting the connection attempt. _'I'm being launched!'_ was the only thought that stayed in her mind when sudden acceleration made her feel nauseous. The external view was racing in front of her with surreal speed; seconds later, far too soon for her comfort, she found herself high in the air – too high for comfort as well. She felt her body tumbling in the air.

' _This. Is. Not. Pleasant'_ , she forced another bout of nausea down. Asuka seemed unaffected, her entire attention focused forward. _'Gott sei Dank_ , _getting sick is the last thing she needs now...'_

The growing feeling of sickness aside, Kyoko had to admit that things were progressing well – they were executing a well-thought-out and clearly rehearsed plan. _'I wonder how their training might've looked like, how they got along… did it bring them closer, did it make them friends, maybe even something more?'_

Kyoko's thoughts were interrupted by yet another wave of nausea coming from senses she could not even properly name; vision outside indicated the Evangelions were somersaulting… _'Is_ _ **that**_ _an_ _ **actual**_ _battle plan, or was someone just fu–'_

Urk. _'Re-focus, Soryu. Break their routine and they die.'_

Remaining thirty-two seconds of acrobatics felt like an eternity; still, Kyoko's willpower and motivation won over, aided by waves of thrill and joy from Asuka. But the explosion from Angel's death sent her tumble again, this time in an uncontrolled manner, making her land over Evangelion Unit-01. It broke the hold she had on her condition; moments later, Kyoko watched with horror as Asuka turned pale, then green. She watched her struggle with ejection mechanism of the Plug, succeed in a nick of time, and while she lost the Entry Plug vision as result, she retained enough senses to hear her daughter throw up violently outside the Evangelion.

' _I… well, she's not going to be happy about that…'_ , Kyoko thought with embarrassment.

Voices were still coming from outside. "Asuka! Asuka, are you all right?", a boy's voice, concerned and clearly worried, sounded close.

"Go away, baka!", Asuka yelled out in husky, unsteady voice.

"Asuka–"

"Get lost! I hate y–"

The rest was cut off by a sound of violent retching.

Kyoko suddenly felt chilly: _'I think I just made things far worse…'_

A moment later, she felt even colder, and the world around her turned dark.

...

"Soryu? Are you there?"

Kyoko realised she was flat on her back, somewhere in the increasingly familiar garden. She tried to answer the call of her host; persisting nausea stopped her. She rose slowly on her elbows, trying to breathe and calm herself down.

"Are you all right?"

She saw the bushes part, and from them emerged Yui Ikari in her usual Regency-era attire. Kyoko nodded: "Mostly. It's a holdout from… from the fight. We lost power at the end, didn't we?", she asked, accepting a helping hand from Yui and moving slowly to keep the feeling of nausea down.

"Yes. I managed to retain minimal perception until it was all over, though. Recovery happened without issue, and once we got reconnected, I reached to you", Yui explained, pulling Kyoko up, a bit too fast for her taste. "Again, locating you was a little bit tricky… I must teach you how to come here on your own, but this is not a priority now. Tell me, what happened? Why did your daughter… well, fell sick?"

Kyoko clenched her teeth. "She didn't", she replied, prompting questioning an eyebrow rise from Yui. "I did."

Yui did not reply, guiding them along the path. After a while, Kyoko resumed: "I think I suffered some vertigo from all this jumping and rolling. I was never… very acrobatic, you know", she admitted sheepishly. "I managed to keep it down the whole fight, but I lost control in the end, and… well, Asuka suffered the feedback. I just hope I didn't embarrass her too much. Especially that it was in front of him."

Yui smiled. "Shinji tried to dote over her, of course she yelled at him. Repeatedly. But she was better soon after, so don't worry. They'll come to terms."

"I hope you're right…", Kyoko said with a look of worry on her face.

"You worry way too much, dear. They're just teenagers, a little bit lost due to their age and pressure put on them. They'll be fine.", Yui reassured her with a familiar, warm smile.

' _I hope you're right, Ikari. But I doubt it. Asuka is troubled, and there's something dark under all this joy and fire… not to mention, this is not the normal level of pressure a teenager should be. Most teenagers don't fight life-or-death battles and are quite troubled anyway…'_

Kyoko shelved the thought for later; there was no point in deliberating with someone who held an unshakeable belief; she needed to collect more information, maybe even discreetly probe Asuka's feelings. This, of course, could open a whole other can of worms, but… _'Technical concerns aside, privacy is an issue here… but I can't exactly_ _ **talk**_ _to her, can I? Another thing to delve on… when I'm alone, I guess.'_

They reached the house and entered its kitchen; Yui took a steaming cup of greenish, steaming liquid from the table and handed it to Kyoko.

"Drink, Soryu. Calm your stomach, and we'll talk. I imagine you're not in a mood for cake", Yui smiled a half-smile.

"I am not. Thank you", she accepted gracefully. The infusion had a strong herbal scent, something she associated with herbal medicine. _'Of course, it matters not what is inside, what does matter is what it tells my mind to do, how to feel'_ , she reminded herself. _'And now, my mind and my… body… need to calm down.'_ She gulped it down in few seconds, feeling the warmth and calming influence spread. The slightly bitter aftertaste only reinforced the 'medicine' feeling of the infusion.

She joined Yui at the kitchen table. "Pity this activation gave us nothing."

"It was not **nothing** , Soryu. It gave us a measurement of the depth of your connection, saving us time on the next one", Yui corrected. "Just try to take control on the next activation – as soon as it is safe and discreet". Kyoko nodded. "It did give us less than I would wish for, but for about a minute of activity, it was not that bad. It also gave me a better impression how having your battery drained feels like."

Kyoko looked at her quizzically. "How? I know we're kind of battery-powered, however that sounds, but… we have sensory input on that?"

"Surely, and however it sounds, it's exactly that – battery power. It feels like suddenly getting thirsty; reconnection feels like drinking up."

Something clicked in Kyoko's mind. " _Oh._ "

"You felt it, didn't you?"

She nodded. "Didn't make the connection. Thank you."

"Another pebble for our collection of knowledge. Let's just hope we have enough of them when there's time to start the avalanche that will bury SEELE and rest of our enemies", Yui added with a warm smile.

Kyoko nodded again. "We will. Out of curiosity, how many Angels are expected?"

"I am not sure. Gendo said – in one of his monologues – something about 'first of them' and counting to the end but never mentioned a precise number. And it's not that I can provoke him to say more."

"I see. Well, let's hope he slips, or something about them betrays more. Or Asuka or Shinji learn something and say it when inside the Entry Plugs, or around."

Yui shook her head. "I would not count on the latter. Gendo is not telling them anything important, I'm sure. He is distrustful, even towards his own. Him slipping… is more likely. I'll keep watch."

...

An awkward silence came about once they stopped discussing details. They had everything planned – and had to wait.

"Soryu…", Yui broke the silence with hesitation in her voice. In comparison to how her previous statement sounded, this one could even be called _insecure_.

"Yes?", Kyoko turned her eyes on Yui, noticing she was fiddling with some small bottle.

"You are feeling better, right? No more nausea?"

Kyoko nodded. The sensations were indeed gone.

"Great! Would you…", she hesitated again, looking to her side.

"Ikari?"

"Sorry", she let out a nervous laugh and set the small bottle on the table with a bit more force than necessary. "I'm sorry, this is stupid."

Kyoko raised her eyebrows. "Still, something is bothering you, right?"

Yui nodded and took a deep breath. "They were dancing, weren't they?"

"Yes, I suppose one can call it dance. There was even some music, but I didn't manage to tap into comm system to hear it well."

Yui laughed nervously. "You didn't lose much, it was a rather bad pop song. But…" She took a deep breath. "I like dancing. I always did, and I was quite good at it. Gendo was never very fond of dancing, though…", she hesitated a third time. Then, she raised her eyes to face Kyoko and blurted out: "Would you indulge me, Soryu?"

Kyoko blinked in surprise. _'This is… unexpected. Out of the blue, actually. I… Hell, why not?'_

Yui raised her hands abruptly: "Sorry, Soryu, I didn't want to make you–"

"Yes", Kyoko blurted out. It was Yui's turn to appear stupefied.

"I mean, yes, if you wanted to ask me to dance, I will happily indulge you", Kyoko clarified with a smile. "I'm afraid, though, that I'm not very good at it… never had time to learn."

Yui blinked the stupefaction away and smiled with the same uncertainty that permeated her voice a moment ago. "Thank you. Just let me lead." She rose and extended her arm to Kyoko. "Shall we?"

Kyoko let Yui lead them through the corridors of the mansion. They entered the living room, subtly rearranged for space. Classical music started to softly play in the background; Kyoko did not recognise the piece but liked the rhythm. Still, something felt wrong, out of place; she looked around, perplexed. _'Where is this coming from?_ '

Yui chuckled, noticing Kyoko's confusion. "I'm sorry, Soryu. I'm cheating here just a little bit. This era has no real mechanical sound source except rather bad-sounding music boxes, and using gramophone simply felt… wrong. Anachronistic."

"I see", Kyoko turned to face her. "Well, I don't mind, although a band would add… authenticity?"

Yui's smile vanished. "Trust me, it would not", she replied in a tone clearly suggesting dropping this line of inquiry; Kyoko knew better than to push it. Yui bowed to her: "My dear, would you grant me the favour of a dance?"

Kyoko froze for a moment; her mind panicky tried to recall the proper etiquette from history lessons, literature, movies, or just plain common knowledge. It took her several seconds, but finally, someone slid the right backup tape in the correct drive, and she curtsied – or at least tried to. _'I guess some practice will be in order'_ , she realised, steadying herself after Yui caught her hand and prevented her from falling over.

That gesture more-or-less-smoothly turned into a proper dancing posture; Yui took the lead. They began to move across the living room, carefully avoiding the remaining furniture. Kyoko started to relax a bit.

' _It feels… good'_ , she allowed herself to think; keeping her steps in tune with the music and not stepping over Yui's feet took all her available attention, and then some, but she began to enjoy herself. Yui seemed to have a quite good grasp on the dance steps, she led with confidence – and even managed to compensate for Kyoko's occasional misstep.

In other words, a rather bad day finally started to look nice.

...

Trouble started small.

' _There goes my rhythm'_ , Kyoko realised when she was a step behind Yui. Whether it was from moving too slow or making another mistake did not matter. It was not the first time, too; Yui easily corrected the previous ones, so Kyoko did not worry now.

What was slightly different this time was the fact that the turn Yui was leading them to – one necessary to avoid direct contact with an armchair – caught Kyoko off-guard. To say that she panicked would be an overstatement, of course. She was perfectly calm if one ignored accelerated heartbeat and intense desire to keep up with her dance partner. This merely led to her making one step a bit longer than needed – or safe.

...

It happened all at once.

Kyoko ran into the armchair; the chair suddenly moved far further than it should be possible from such impact; _'I guess they she made them light to be easier to move'_ , she spared a thought when her mind witnessed the chain of events in mute horror. The armchair hit the china cabinet, shattered the glass, and sent the piece of furniture into wobbling movement. Of course, all the cups and tables reacted accordingly. Kyoko could only admire Yui's attention to detail in recreating the objects' behaviour and physics before the china started to fall out and crash on the floor.

Yui, on her part, was put off balance by Kyoko's unexpected stop. She regained her composure quickly enough to turn towards her dance partner and freeze in horror at the image of cups and plates coming down. The music ceased abruptly, leaving only the sounds of crashing.

They stood there in silence for a short moment, their hands still clasped from the dance posture. Suddenly, Yui started laughing loudly. It felt so out of place that Kyoko blinked in confusion for a few seconds before joining her.

"This… I'm sorry, Soryu… I… I should've emptied the room first", Yui managed to get out before resuming her bout of laughter. Kyoko could only shake her head, trying to control her laughter. "I… it…" she managed before–

Yui fell dead silent, her laughter cut. Her sudden shout – " **Soryu!** " – made Kyoko freeze. " _They noticed something_ ", Yui hissed in a cold, focused voice. "I'm sending you back **now**. Calm yourself and play dead, as dead as you can", she rattled out. "It's vital you do not give them any reason to suspect anything." She grabbed Kyoko's arms and stared deep into her eyes. "Do you understand? This must be read as a glitch. Or everything is lost."

Kyoko just nodded numbly, weathering the emotional onslaught with increasing difficulty. "Do. You. Understand?", Yui repeated, holding Kyoko's gaze.

"Yes. Play dead. Keep calm, no matter what." She responded with a determined stare on her own.

"Go."

The darkness returned. The now-familiar cold waters enveloped her once more.


	3. Chapter 3 - Into the Fire

******Two Souls - c**** hapter 3 – Into the fire**

.

' _I don't think I'll ever get used to_ _ **that**_ _…'_

The feeling of cold waters surrounding her was now a familiar one. Still, she could not think of it without instinctual dislike. Being here did have an upside this time, though: as long as she did not panic when surrounded by the cold feeling, they dampened her emotions. This was exactly what she needed now.

' _Play dead. Well, should not be hard, after all, I_ _ **am**_ _dead…'_

' _Dead are we yet not, we will die, and she with us into the oblivion will go.'_

Suddenly, the waters were not so cold. Kyoko's felt far, far colder. The voice was crystal clear, so close it could be coming from right behind her. Of course, nothing could be _behind_ her, and she knew that.

But the voice spoke still. Cold, confident, emotionless, chilling like a stab of frosty morning air; it was a reminder of times when winters were truly cold and mountain air would bite her skin.

' _This. Is. Not. Helping.'_

' _Death comes. Accept it'_ , the voice spoke again. Kyoko started to shiver.

' _Keep calm, no matter what'_ , spoken by Yui came back to her. She clenched her teeth, a thought coming to her on the wave of desperation and growing anger.

' _If you are here to stay, then_ _ **help me**_ _, whatever you are! If we are discovered, there will be no death, just eternity of being a_ _ **lab rat!**_ _'_

For the first time, she felt the coldness recede a step. A tinge of hesitation touched her, feeling like her own feeling, but it was not. She tensed, forcing her emotions down.

' _Fine. The end will come, but it will not today be.'_

Suddenly, the coldness was gone, replaced with the now-familiar and unexpectedly-welcome feeling of being surrounded by water. Kyoko realized her panic over the situation, her fear of discovery, her anxiety over the suddenness of the transition – all this was suddenly gone.

' _Was zur–'_

"Maya, attach the diagnostic to the secondary core output. I don't trust the remotes, they have been wonky last time", came the voice from outside. A woman's voice, serious, stern, but caring.

"Yes, Akagi-sempai", came a reply. Female as well, but clearly younger, tinged with… admiration? Devotion?

' _Have I activated the external sensors by accident?',_ a thought came to Kyoko, brushing aside the confusion from the sudden emotional shift. It was immediately replaced with: _'Focus. Calm down. Do not let them detect instability. I know the Core, I had my hand in creating, I should know how to fool its diagnostics…'_

She reached towards the sensation of scratching at her soul. _'How exactly did they work…? it's been a while…'_

...

The frustration in the air outside Unit-02 was palpable.

Ritsuko Akagi was used to strange and unusual readings. After all, Evangelions were not the most predictable technology; the field of science they were based on was young and hardly developed. Thus, unanswered questions were the norm, strange occurrences were actually expected, and _bizarre_ was part of the job. _Unheimlich_ was the term that appeared often in books and papers on the subject, the German term for _unfamiliar_ , or _uncanny_. A word tinged with a supernatural undertone, a term Ritsuko Akagi, a woman of science and reason, disliked for exactly that undertone, the mysticism, the fearful subtext.

Still, this was the term she sometimes found annoyingly fitting when she was around the giants she was responsible for. All in all, she was used to strange readings and unpredictability.

Just not from Unit-02.

This was the first serial model. Unit-00 was inherently unstable, it tried to kill her and working with it was always stressful. The nature of its pilot did not help. Unit-01 was better in that regard, but it was… quirky. Maybe even 'moody', if such description could be applied to an Evangelion. Unit-02 was supposed to be an island of stability among them, and it always was.

Until today.

Maya seemed to take it far better. She simply followed Ritsuko with a cart filled with diagnostic equipment, diligently attached all connectors to the Core they exposed, and started gathering data. She seemed unfazed by the unusual readings from the Evangelion, or even by its presence.

Of course, had her kouhai known what exactly an Evangelion was and what – who – was inside, she would most likely start running and never stop screaming. Knowledge of this kind eroded sanity.

Ritsuko knew it all too well.

She sighed, browsing the fifth batch of data for the third time. There was no trace of anomaly that has drawn her attention two hours before. Two hours in which she has been directing Maya in attaching, detaching, and reattaching the sensors in all viable access points of the Core, and even some non-viable ones.

Nothing came back. The readings were flat within the error margin. The giant was sleeping.

"Maya, pack it up", she called to the younger woman. "Nothing to do here. Either MAGI had a hiccup, or…", Ritsuko Akagi trailed off, uncertain whether to voice the absurd idea.

"Or we need to check and replace the sensors?", Lieutenant Ibuki suggested.

"No, sensors checked out just fine. It's either MAGI or Unit-02 just had a bad dream", she shrugged with some dry amusement in her voice. "Let's close it up, do a quick check on remaining units, and focus on important things."

...

Kyoko heard every word and every breath that happened around her body. She might have been unable to safely activate her sight, but sound and some semblance of touch were quite sufficient. _'Who thought Evangelion's Core is actually sensitive to_ _touch?'_ she marveled at yet another unexpected quality of the creation she now inhabited. _'Gott sei dank I'm not actually ticklish…'_

She spent last two hours focusing on thinking of calm lakes and serene mountaintops of Bavaria, recalling her rare times of leave from work. She was not sure if it was necessary, but it certainly made her calmer. _'Cores are the closest thing we have to a central nervous system, despite them working like anything but the brain. Keeping calm should be enough for the readings to seem stable…'_

She had several slips in that focus; thinking about the cold voice still made her nervous. Fortunately, she managed not to rouse the scientists' suspicions.

' _I wonder who they were. The name 'Akagi' rings a bell, but I can't recall a face… I will have to question Ikari – she might've actually_ _ **seen**_ _them if they poked her too.'_ Sudden worry seized her; she suppressed it as fast as she could. _'I hope she managed to fool them too. Well, I will have to ask questions as soon as Ikari pulls me back.'_

' _I guess it'd be rude to ask her "how can I visit by myself", but in an emergency… well, in an emergency it may just save the whole conspiracy.'_

' _So many subjects, so little time'_ , she sighed internally. The sounds of Evangelion Cages, as the scientists seemed to call the place – when they did not call it "down here" – were soothing. She relaxed and listened in.

...

The sky was blue. Once more, she found herself on the grassy ground, warm from sunlight. It smelled of spring. _'I don't… ah. Right.'_

She collected her thoughts. _'Interesting. I didn't lose consciousness. I heard them moving around… I guess they didn't investigate Ikari's unit…'_

Footsteps brought her back to reality.

"You seem to be fond of this clearing, Soryu", an amused voice called to her. "Are you all right? You did great work on throwing them off the trail", Yui Ikari continued, entering her field of vision and sitting next to her on the sunbathed ground. Kyoko turned to face her.

"Thank you. Once I realized what they're trying to do, and how does it feel, I knew how to fool it. Except I had to pull on all the knowledge I have on Evangelion's Core workings", she stated nervously. _'I guess I should mention that this_ _ **something else**_ _inside my Unit was suddenly helpful. Wait… did I even tell her about its existence?'_

"You did well. Doctor Akagi suspects nothing, so it seems", Yui's voice broke her train of thought.

"Ah, yes, that Akagi person. I heard that name used by one of the technicians that probed me. My Unit, that probed my Unit. This name sounds familiar, who is she?", Kyoko tried to rustle her memory again.

"Ritsuko Akagi, daughter and adequate heir of famous – or infamous, depends on who you ask and about what exactly – Naoko Akagi. Chief technician here, responsible for keeping our giant bodies running. Also, responsible for the restraints we are wearing."

Kyoko nodded. "I see. Did they poke and prod on you too?"

Yui shook her head and smiled. "Not extensively, I'd even say it was less thorough than your standard post-combat check. Either the disturbance didn't get out of Unit-01, or detection margins are far more lenient. After all, I'm wearing a prototype. By definition, this is not a body that is supposed to be up-to-the-standards they would apply to yours."

"Logical. And how long was I away?"

"Whole night and early morning", Yui laughed. Kyoko shot her a questioning look. Yui shook her head. "I mean here, this is how much time passed here. I have no idea how long it was in outside time, no better than you do. We don't have an onboard clock, except countdowns, of course", she paused, sighing. "I managed to get a single glimpse of Akagi's watch, and it showed the 15th day of the month, but this is about it. So… we are still a little bit lost in time. It's been something I got used to, frankly speaking."

"I see. Well, it's not really important, is it? It's not that we have to keep appointments", she shrugged, slowly rising from the grass to a more sitting position.

"Yes and no, actually. This is detrimental to our plans, as proper timing is important when scheming", Yui half-smiled. "I am working on some solution, but I can't exactly request an onboard clock from a manufacturer, shipping and installation included", she finished with a deadpan face.

Kyoko chuckled. "No, not really. Maybe you should ask your husband – during one of those monologues of his you mentioned – to hang a calendar-clock in your sight?"

Yui shook her head and let out a small laugh. Kyoko could swear it was a sad one. "Not a chance. If I start talking back to him, he's going to think he's going insane or he'll realise something is amiss. Besides, he does not come too often. I almost wish he did, it'd give me more information. His rants aside, he sometimes spills useful tidbits."

"You mentioned that. I wonder…" Kyoko trailed off and turned her face away from Yui.

"Mm?" raised eyebrows greeted her.

"Hm. I wonder if you would mind if I listened in?"

"Oh, please!" Yui laughed. "It's just – I'm not sure if I'd be able to maintain this and listen properly at the same time, let alone let you listen. But we can try next time. It's just… not even really entertaining. It's… well, half-philosophy, half-complaining about his subordinates, half-bad science, half-random memories, and half-wish-you-were-here-with-me."

"That's… a lot of halves."

"I did say it included bad science, didn't I?", Yui smiled.

Kyoko rose her hand to her face and groaned. "Please… this was a really bad joke, Ikari…"

Yui laughed softly. "I'm sorry. I was never good at that. Gendo was always a little bit of humourless, and our work environment never left much space for mirth."

"Well… scientist humour is known to be… hermetical. At best. And I think I am still… tired? I'm not sure. Focusing on them was mentally exhausting. Could I bother you for a spot of tea?", Kyoko turned to face Yui again.

Yui blinked at her, bemused. "Of course. I apologise, I have been a thoughtless host", she smiled, offering Kyoko a hand; Kyoko accepted with a smile. To her surprise, Yui did not let go of her hand for a long moment.

"Ikari?"

"Ah. Sorry", Yui looked as she had just broken out of a reverie. _'I could swear that was a blush, but that's not possible_ ', she thought in confusion. "Shall we?" Yui regained her composure and offered Kyoko her arm. They took the increasingly familiar path towards the mansion. _'The tea might be fake, a figment of imagination, but it sure beats the darkness and creepy sensations of the cages. I hope "interesting times" are over for now'_ , Kyoko mused hopefully as they approached the building.

She was not the person to hold the most incorrect belief in the NERV HQ at the moment. But she definitely was in the Top Ten.

...

The following tea time was somewhat silent. Cluttering of teacups and sound of cutlery touching the plates were the only sounds; even the insects that were usually making time-and-season-appropriate sounds in the bushes were absent. Kyoko found this odd but was somehow at a loss how to break this awkwardness without making it worse.

To her relief, Yui broke the silence first. "I'm sorry, Soryu. I…"

Kyoko tilted her head a bit. "For what?"

"I… I believe I made you uncomfortable. I apologise for…", she trailed off, seeing the confusion on Kyoko's face.

"You… haven't… why?" she asked, her voice underscoring the state confusion.

"I… I was under the impression it was… never mind", Yui waved her hands in front of her and produced a large fan from nowhere. She spread it and hid most of her face behind it.

Kyoko raised her eyebrows at the theatric prop, decided to ignore it, and shook her head. "Ikari. I just had a strange day… night and a day… Time. Strange time. Weird time. The time when I was poked and prodded my… Core?" she sighed in confusion. "I'm sorry, it's hard to describe, and even harder to avoid making it sound weird. No, you did not make me uncomfortable. I'm fine", she paused and smiled. "If anything, your company makes me feel better."

Yui made an indistinct sound and kept hiding her face behind the fan. _'Is_ _ **that**_ _a blush?'_ , Kyoko stared at her host – well, at what was visible of her host. _'No, not possible. She's just as confused as I am with the situation'_ , she decided and reached for more cake.

Yui took a deep breath and calmed herself. Well, tried to calm herself. The thought that her current mood could trigger another alarm was adding to a vicious cycle that could only be broken by diverting her thoughts elsewhere. It was time to act.

"Soryu!" she slammed her fan on the table so fiercely that all the china and cutlery clanked in unison; Kyoko jumped up, immediately focusing on Yui's face.

"What is it?! Another alarm?"

"No!" Yui shook her head, determination clear in her eyes. "Tell me about poetry. German poetry."

Kyoko tilted her head so much and so fast that she felt pain in her neck. "What."

"Or music. I had very little education in that culture. Please", Yui's tone was almost pleading; fingers of one of her hands were gripping the seat, while the other hand was wrapped around the fan. Something was creaking from the pressure, Yui was not sure which one it was.

Kyoko shook the surprise off. She was slowly becoming used to strangeness around here, but every once in a while, her host managed to throw her off track.

"Well, I'm not exactly the best person to talk about it", she started reluctantly, but Yui's focus definitely made her reconsider. "… but I guess I can try. Are you familiar with works of Goethe and Schiller?"

"Superficially. Tell me", Yui blurted out.

' _This is weird. But hey, this is not the weirdest thing to happen to me today. She has reasons, I'm sure. I just have to remember to ask her what they were. Before I start to think up my own'_ , Kyoko shrugged internally and entered the lecture mode.

"As far as I remember – and this was not my degree, so my knowledge ends on high school, both of them began in the movement that was called _Sturm und Drang_ …"

...

Kyoko went on the subject for a while. This was, obviously, not her specialty, but a good lecturer should be able to take several facts and weave a narrative around them; if the lecturer can additionally keep the narration itself interesting, they can hold the attention of students – or student, in this case – for a while.

Kyoko had no idea whence the unusual request came, but she came to trust Yui's judgements along the way… and there was no harm in indulging her host. After all, Yui was listening intently, clearly focused on Kyoko's voice when she described literature she became familiar with in high school.

"… and that's about as much as I can tell you without making a proper lecture plan, thinking what else I can remember, and referring to external sources… which might be rather difficult now", Kyoko finished, taking a deep breath.

Yui closed her eyes and reclined in her chair. "Thank you", she whispered. Kyoko remained silent and kept looking at her host; her face was actually the only one Kyoko ever saw nowadays, maybe except her own in the mirror. Nonetheless, despite the exposure, some of Yui's mimic expressions were still unreadable for her. The expression Yui now held could indicate tranquility or maybe deep thought… but also a state of intense focus from which she'd jump out with an idea or sudden action.

Nothing like that happened. After several minutes – in which Kyoko realised she hears the cicadas again – Yui opened her eyes and sighed contently. "Thank you", she repeated louder. "I apologise, this must have been… confusing."

Kyoko nodded in response. "Just a little bit. It's the first time I had to recall my knowledge on the subject since…" she trailed off, her throat suddenly a bit tight. "Since I told Asuka about it. Since I read the poems to her", she finished in a small voice, closing her eyes.

She felt a hand touching her own. A soothing voice came. "I'm sorry, I did not mean to remind you of that. Remember, your daughter is out there, quite fine."

Kyoko took in a sharp breath, trying to keep her emotions under control. The last thing they needed now was another alarm for that Akagi person. "She is, yes, I know. I saw her. But I still can't go hold her whenever I want, and I can't tuck her in at night, and can't comfort her if she has a nightmare", she stopped to take a deep breath. "I know she is not four anymore, I know she likely has friends", she continued in a calmer voice, "but it still hurts. I still miss her."

Yui smiled sadly, not letting go of Kyoko's hand. "Soryu… I know. I have the same with my son. We both miss them… and hope for the best for them. And we will give them the best, bright future we can, right?"

Kyoko opened her eyes and nodded. "Well, just like mothers should. I just hope we're able to."

"We will be. More tea, Soryu? We still have some things to discuss, I believe."

Kyoko smiled and presented her cup. The familiar face of Yui Ikari was back.

...

Kyoko focused, as Yui instructed her to do. She felt her limbs move, sensed her hands wrapped around the controls of the thermal suit claw. The sensation, now conscious, was adding to the discomfort she still felt when operating her current body.

They spent the last few hours of perceived time discussing the intricacies of Evangelion systems, decided on some more tests, and even managed to take a walk. They even reached the hedge maze, when Yui tensed up and realised something was up – namely, they were being moved. Kyoko took that opportunity to put their theory into practice and test her remote perception of Unit-02. While the results were minimal and confusing, she was able to confirm Yui's assessment – and she realised Unit-02 was being re-armed.

Being sent back – or, more accurately, returning to her body under careful Yui's guidance, another thing they wanted to put into practice – felt as usual. The cold waters, the hushed whispers – less pronounced than last time, for sure, but never silent – and the awkwardness of the Evangelion body. _'Business as usual, I guess. At least this…_ _ **thing**_ _is less aggressive after I yelled at it_ ', she noticed with some satisfaction. _'Maybe the violence is the answer sometimes'_ , she thought wryly, before refocusing on the present. ' _Eh. I'm not sure if I should treat_ _ **this**_ _as life and my time with Yui as a dream, or the other way around…'_

"No! What is that?!" came the familiar voice; the auditory input as on again, and this was Asuka's voice.

"The suit is designed to protect you from heat, pressure, and radiation", came the reply in a calm, measured voice Kyoko already heard somewhere; it took her a moment to recall it – it was Akagi's. "This is Type-D equipment, for combat under extreme environmental duress", the scientist continued. Kyoko started to worry – _extreme environmental duress_ did not sound exactly like something she would like to experience.

"Is that my Unit-02?" Asuka continued in a confused voice. She started to argue and several comments were exchanged, before another, strangely collected voice cut in.

"I will go in Unit-02."

This elicited a strong protest from Asuka. "Sorry, but I don't want you touching my Unit-02! I'd rather do it than let the First take my place."

Kyoko listened to the discussion with mixed feelings. _'Well… it's good that she's so assertive, this certainly helps her in life. But I'd wish I taught her how to stand for herself without antagonising people around her…'_

' _On an unrelated note, that voice… She spoke of "going in Unit-02", so she must be a pilot as well. But this voice sounds familiar…'_

"I know it's uncool, but put up with it, okay?" Kyoko heard Asuka again. _'Is she speaking to_ _ **me**_ _?'_ , she wondered for a moment. _'I still didn't figure out how to turn visual on without activation… but I guess she is. I wish I could nod or smile to her'_ , she thought glumly. _'And no, she's not talking to_ _ **me**_ _, she's talking to the_ _ **machine**_ _she pilots'_ , Kyoko forced a tinge of sadness down.

' _She does not know of me, after all.'_

...

The visual input came in along with the Entry Plug insertion. For a moment, Kyoko was confused. The familiar wide field of vision was limited by a front-facing porthole. Moreover, Asuka looked like a red balloon with a head instead of the familiar appearance of a teenaged girl. _'War zur… is that the "special equipment" they were talking about? Well, I guess Evangelion technology was progressing after we were gone…'_

"Roger that!" came Asuka reply to some indistinct chatter on the comm, and Unit-02 started to walk. Kyoko focused on her body again; she felt the limbs moving, but it was her will they followed; they moved on external orders. On Asuka's orders. Or, actually, Kyoko moved them as Asuka willed; she wanted to move them as Asuka dictated, it just felt… right. It felt good.

' _I wonder what will happen if I…'_

She resisted that good feeling for a moment and willed her leg to remain stationary instead of letting the order flow from pilot to Evangelion.

...

"Was zum Teufel…", Asuka startled when Unit-02 stumbled and almost fell. She managed to grab a railing, but this felt really _wrong_.

"Asuka? Are you all right?" Misato called out to her.

"This equipment is jamming! It just blocked my joint!" Asuka yelled with annoyance. "How I am supposed to dive in **that**?!"

...

' _I… probably shouldn't have done that'_ , Kyoko realised with worry when she felt the loss of balance, momentary recovery – and Asuka's embarrassment. _'On the other hand, this is how this works… at least functionally'_ , she noted while simultaneously and instinctively relaying the commands of her daughter's mind to uncomfortable alien flesh she now wore. Resisting this was actually so difficult that she felt tired.

' _I have no real body, how can I be_ _ **tired**_ _?'_ she wondered for a moment.

Realising that the conversation continued over the comms broke her out of her reverie.

"I'm telling you, Misato, it jammed!"

The response was inaudible, but it clearly annoyed Asuka. Kyoko focused on the system – _'All right, Ikari has explained its workings, now it's just a matter of applying the knowledge…'_

It felt like trying to rearrange her internal organs, but to her surprise, a sudden stream of information assaulted her. Filtering the conversation took her a moment.

"… and now, if you could be so kind, Asuka, place yourself in the range of the transporter grip; our automatic deployment system cannot work with this armour. Angel might not be attacking, but I'd rather not be here all day, and Shinji is already waiting", woman's voice came as clear as Asuka's was before – and she seemed annoyed.

"Yes, yes, yes. In position, Captain", Asuka responded in a sullen voice. She brought Evangelion to a stand and clearly waited for something to happen. That 'something' came in a form of a jolt. _'This must be the transportation device… I'm not sure I like the concept of being hauled like that'_ , Kyoko thought absentmindedly. She started to feel uneasy, despite it not being her first time in flight. She pushed the feeling down; burdening Asuka with her emotions almost created a serious problem before, and certainly created an inconvenience.

...

Fields, roads, rivers, and buildings were passing fast. Kyoko was slowly getting used to it. Asuka's calm mixed with her slowly rising excitement provided an emotional anchor. _'Well, I know it should be the other way around… but no harm is done in having an anchor in the real world… even if it is my own daughter.'_

She was still withholding any contact with Asuka except giving her the faintest impression of support. Not alarming her daughter – and everybody else, for that matter – was paramount.

They landed. Kyoko felt the unusually gentle drop from low attitude and noticed Ikari's Evangelion dropping not far from her.

"Hey, where's Mr. Kaji?" Asuka looked around, clearly expecting someone else on site.

"That jerk won't be here! There's nothing for him to do", replied the familiar voice of the woman whom Kyoko considered the pilot's military commander – Captain Katsuragi.

"Damn, I wanted him to see how great I am", Asuka noted in a sulky voice, her disappointment clear, tinged with longing. _'Oh. My. Does this mean…'_

She facepalmed mentally. _'Of course. She's a teenager, she has to have some crush. Who could it be? One of the officers, maybe?'_

Kyoko sighed internally, trying not to spill her mixed feelings of amusement and sadness to Asuka. She was certainly glad her daughter had feelings and emotions of a normal teenager, despite a childhood without her mother… on the other hand, she would give up everything now to have been with her for those ten years-

She realised too late that her feelings were no longer properly contained.

"… focus, your synch rate is fluctuating. Asuka!" Katsuragi's voice was stern.

"Sorry, Misato", Asuka took a deep breath, ignoring the fact she was breathing liquid with an ease that showed her years of practice. "I just remembered something. I'm with you now."

Kyoko felt the turmoil her daughter was successfully hiding. This could be simply teenager's normal emotional chaos, but there was something else to it, something deeper. Regrettably, Kyoko was far too focused on maintaining her own control to analyse her daughter's feelings. _'Besides, reaching to her_ _ **now**_ _might not be the best idea…'_ she concluded.

"What are those?" came the boy's voice, shaking her out of her reverie. The emotions have calmed down sufficiently – for now.

"The UN's Air Force is on standby alert", came a reply. _'It sounds like one of the scientists… Akagi?'_

"Until this mission has been completed", another voice supplemented.

"Are they going to help us?" Asuka asked, her voice chirpy. _'She sounds happy, but her emotions say something else…'_

"No, they're here to clean up", the explanation came in.

"In case we fail", second voice supplemented again.

"What do you mean?" Asuka inquired, worry clear in her voice.

"They will use N2 depth charges to destroy the Angel, and us with it", came a dispassionate reply in Akagi's voice.

"That's… awful", Asuka sounded appalled.

"Who would order something like that?" the boy's voice sounded equally shocked.

"Commander Ikari", came the answer.

' _What? They want to nuke the site if this fails? I wonder what Ikari would say about that brilliant idea coming from her husband… she certainly heard that',_ Kyoko pondered, ignoring voices of the command station that were going through some operational checklist. Only when she realised her body has been grasped and moved once more, her attention returned.

"Unit-02 is in position!" a technician's voice announced. The porthole afforded her very little view, so she focused on Asuka. She was clearly excited, previous distress swept away.

"Roger", came acknowledgement from outside. "Asuka, are you ready?"

"Anytime you are", came a focused reply.

"Launch!", came the order, and with it, Kyoko felt her body being lowered into the boiling magma. The air temperature was increasing with every meter she approached the molten rock surface.

"Uh… looks hot", Asuka noted in slightly worried voice. Her excitement was tainted with worry.

It did not last long; Asuka refocused her attention on the outside, ignoring the rising heat. "Watch this, Shinji!" she yelled over the comm. "Giant stroke entry!"

Kyoko chuckled. _'Danger or not, a sense of humour is always helpful…'_

Heat and pressure surrounded her. With it came darkness.

' _Well, at least this is familiar… at least it is not cold.'_

A whisper answered indistinctly in the darkness. Suddenly, she felt very cold, despite swimming in a volcano.

' _Not. Now'_ , she gritted her teeth.

Asuka reacted with a tinge of confusion and moved her jaw. A moment later, she shook her head and refocused on the dark outside. A technician's voice started to list descent parameters: "Current depth, 170. Speed of descent, 20. No problems detected."

The operation has entered the most dangerous phase. There was no time for distractions.

…

"Visibility zero. I can't see a thing", Asuka reported over the comms. "Switching to CT monitors", she added a moment later. Kyoko felt the command flow and the sensor adjust. "Even with this, visibility is no more than 120", Asuka kept reporting. Kyoko focused on sensations coming from her surroundings, only to regret it a second after.

It was **hot** outside. The thermally-shielded diving suit was certainly doing what it was supposed to do, her flesh would be burning otherwise, but she certainly felt the heat and pressure. Heat and pressure that steadily increased as she was sinking deeper into the volcano.

' _I'm not a tactician, I guess they do it better, but if this goes wrong, if the Angel attacks, would Asuka be able to do_ _ **anything**_ _?'_ , she pondered. The conclusion was kind of obvious, but not something to dwell on in this condition.

"Depth 400… 450…", a voice from outside reported, counting up every fifty meters. When the voice said "800", Kyoko thought she heard something creaking, likely under the pressure. At "850", she was sure she heard it right. When the voice said "1000", the sensation of pressure confirmed something was going wrong.

"1020. We're over the maximum safe depth", said the operator's voice. Unit-02 kept going down. _'Right, "safe" is not what they do here…'_ Kyoko noted with dismay. Asuka took a deep breath; a feeling of determination reached Kyoko. _'This feels like it is important to her. Is this about her sense of duty? Or perhaps just the desire to prove herself?'_

"Depth 1300. Estimated target level", the operator kept her impassive voice. The descent slowed down and stopped.

"Asuka, can you see anything?" came in another female voice; it was Katsuragi.

"No reactions detected. It's not here", Asuka responded with worry in her voice. Kyoko focused on the readings, ignoring the discussion that began in the command centre. The movement resumed slowly, and so did the depth reports. Kyoko kept looking out; she tried to squint her eyes, but this ability was another one her Evangelion was apparently missing.

A cracking sound broke her focus. The external heat abated when a cold shiver crept up her spine. Her Evangelion's spine. _'This is getting confusing again'_ , she spared a thought before she realised Asuka was less worried; Kyoko felt more determination, a strong desire to continue, to **prove** something.

"A crack has occurred in the second coolant pipe", a little less dispassionate voice called from the command centre. "Depth 1480, we're over the maximum allowed depth."

"We haven't made contact with the target yet. Keep going", commander's voice was still calm and stern.

' _And I was expecting an abort command, silly me…'_ Kyoko thought. She was actually getting angry. Not that she cared much for her life – the Evangelion's fear responses seemed to be non-existent – but Asuka's life… well, that was something entirely else.

"How's it going Asuka?" came the commander's voice. _'Like she is concerned for her safety…'_

"Looks like we're still good. I just want to hurry up, finish this, and take a shower", Asuka replied with confidence that confused Kyoko. _'I really hoped she'd be more reasonable…'_ , she thought with worry. _'On the other hand, I wanted her to be courageous and confident… and well, she certainly is. "Be careful what you wish" for at its best…'_

"There's a nice hot spring near here. We'll hit it once we're done", came the reply. "Hang in there a little longer."

Asuka tried to answer but fell silent when another crack came to her attention. Her determination strengthened, with a tinge of fear tainting it. The counting resumed, now giving values above maximum depth; this approach did not put Kyoko at ease.

Another cracking sound; Asuka looked down, and report about lost weapon came in. _'Not. Good'_ rattled in Kyoko's head. Panic was rising, but this was the last thing she needed now. She focused on her options. _'Maybe I could force an abort if Evangelion displayed some anomalous reading…_ ', she pondered, _'but then they'd just put her back here, likely with the same equipment that was already stressed; this commander of theirs seems to be a little bit too determined to pursue this task.'_

In confirmation of her thoughts came the voices from the command centre; Katsuragi was overruling the suggestions to stop the operation, and Asuka was playing right into her hands with her confident statements.

' _Is this woman actually consciously manipulating her?'_ a new thought came to Kyoko's mind. _'I'll have to ask Ikari about her…'_ she noted. _'But now, options. Aborting is not a good idea. Can't run, then, it means I should try to do something to protect Asuka.'_

Kyoko focused on the body she was wearing. Comms were silent, aiming her concentration. _'She's piloting this body just fine, so I would have to do something independent of her…'_

"There it is!" yelled Asuka, breaking Kyoko's focus. Chatter from command centre increased; Kyoko tuned it out, concentrating on the darker spot in her vision. Her intense focus aligned with Asuka's.

Voices from the outside stopped. All Kyoko heard were Asuka's curt, precise reports as she aligned and maneuvered the scuba-diving Evangelion into position and engaged the capturing tool. The few tense moments ended with "the target has been captured", which prompted a spike of pride and sigh of relief from Asuka. Kyoko shared her daughter's pride, but not her relief – after all, they were still deep below any safety limit and had a dangerous cargo in hands.

"Nice one, Asuka", came the voice from the command centre.

"Capture operation completed. I'm coming up now", Asuka declared.

Kyoko felt her body being slowly lifted in the suit; it was slower than the descent, but they were finally leaving. She allowed herself to relax for a moment and absorb the satisfaction and happiness her daughter was radiating.

"Are you all right, Asuka?", came an inquiry in boy's worried voice.

"Of course! Fear is often worse than the danger, as they say. It really was a piece of cake", Asuka bragged. _'Of course, she wants the Ikari boy to see the best of her. All right, at least in this part of her life, she is doing fine'_ , Kyoko smiled to herself, relaxing a bit further.

"But this is more of a sauna suit than a plug suit. I can't wait to get to the hot spring…" Asuka grumbled. Kyoko had to agree with her – while Evangelions did not sweat, they certainly were not immune to overheating. She was not sure what the sensors said, as focusing on them **hurt** right now, but she felt notable discomfort even trying to ignore the sensations. _'Well, I can endure it for a little longer. Now that it's all over, I can focus on Asuka again'_ , Kyoko decided and concentrated on her daughter's presence, enjoying it as much as she could without alarming anyone.

This, of course, has proven to be a mistake.

A piercing alert sound, a wave of Asuka's confusion, and loud "What's going on?!" indicated the problem all at once. The sounds were distorted by magma and transmitted mainly through the surface of diving suit that encased Unit-02, but they could be coming only from the cage in front of the Evangelion.

' _Of course, this could not have gone smoothly. Trap, likely. All right, Soryu,_ _ **focus**_ _. This will be hard, but your daughter's life depends on it'_ , Kyoko thought, chiding herself for the slip in attention.

"Not good! It's started to emerge!" came panicked comment from the command centre. "It's much earlier than we predicted!"

Kyoko focused on the container. The creature inside was struggling inside, fighting to get out – and succeeding if limited sight was to be trusted. Long claws and other indescribable appendages disrupted the containment, causing the cage readings go wild.

"Abort the capture! Jettison the cage!" came a stern command. Asuka obeyed instantly; the remnants of the cage, released from the grasp, started to drop. Ascension speed immediately increased but it was still far too slow for Kyoko's comfort. They were still deep inside a volcano, surrounded by boiling-hot magma. And now, there was an Angel on the loose.

An Angel that was far better suited to operating in this environment than Kyoko's current body – especially considering the diving suit's bulk.

"We're changing the operation! Destroying the Angel is now top priority! Unit-02, prepare for combat as you withdraw!"

"What I've been waiting for!" Asuka exclaimed.

' _I'll panic later'_ , Kyoko managed to squeeze out a semi-conscious thought before focusing on Asuka again. The girl's desire to act – to **fight** – flared up, pushing her fear down, but for all her bravado and lust for combat, she had to be aware that this was not a good situation. _'She is even ignoring the fact she is unarmed…'_

"Damn, I forgot I dropped the knife!"

'… _or was just too focused on the mission and the upcoming fight. Well, at least we'll die together'_ , Kyoko realised grimly.

' _Yes, together, together will we die'_ came the familiar, cold voice, chilling Kyoko to the bone once more. _'Wird der Teufel genannt, kommt er gerannt…'_ came to her mind along with a mental teeth gnashing. She directed her focus directly at the voice: _'_ _ **Get. Lost. I. Am. Busy. Surviving.**_ _'_

"It's right in front! Releasing ballast!" she heard Asuka's yell and saw the Angel in its full outlandish glory. The sight broke her concentration, but the cold voice's attention shifted as well: some emotion resembling fascination reached Kyoko. _'Interesting, could it be not as mindless as it seems?'_ she managed to note with curiosity.

"It's fast!" Asuka exclaimed; the dodge was successful, but the enemy eluded her seconds later. Kyoko considered for a moment whether to assist Asuka in moving Unit-02, but then she recalled how it ended the last time. Instead, she focused on the internal matters.

' _What… what are you? Talk to me!'_ Kyoko probed the voice, but incoherent whispers and feeling of dread was the only answer. Another feeling joined in, fleetingly, a moment later. _'Is this… longing? Emptiness? Loneliness? What are you? A piece of Asuka? Another soul? Why would anyone put two souls in an Evangelion?'_

"Have you dropped it yet, Shinji?" Asuka's voice once more disrupted Kyoko's thoughts. _'What? Wait!'_ she tried to recover the feeling, but the voice's presence has suddenly receded. For the first time, Kyoko regretted its absence. Not that there was time to dwell on that.

"No! Go away! Hurry up with it!" Asuka's yells started to sound panicked; she was punching the controls, grasping a weapon that was not yet there. Kyoko reflexively reached to soothe her, picturing her hand on her daughter's shoulders. "Come on–" Asuka's panicky voice stopped mid-sentence, and she blinked, suddenly confused – but also a little bit calmer. It took only a few seconds; she registered the sensor blip of the incoming weapon, grasped it firmly and braced herself as much as she could.

It came not a moment too soon. The Angel charged, far faster than anything should be able to move in this environment. Asuka parried the tentacle that attempted to grab the Evangelion and tried to stab the Angel. She certainly succeeded and managed to get a few stabs, each one targeting anything that could be a weak point, but the beast seemed to be merely slightly inconvenienced.

A huge maw opened just in front of the field of vision and bit down on the diving suit, obscuring virtually any vision. The stabs became less targeted; Asuka was not yet returning to panic mode, but she was coming close. The only sounds coming from command centre were inconsequential debates on what to do to salvage the situation. Kyoko felt her own panic rising.

"I know!" came in the boy's voice.

A sudden realisation came from Asuka. "Just like earlier!" A flash of memories flooded her surface thoughts. _'Is this… a pool? Was that…'_

Asuka made a sudden movement; the internal readouts of the diving suit started to turn orange – the cooling pressure dropped.

"Eat this!" she jammed something inside the Angel's maw.

' _Oh. I see. Smart. Simple physics'_ , Kyoko just stared at the Angel bathed in coolant fluid and began to marvel at the obvious solution.

"Transfer all coolant pressure to cable three! Hurry!" Asuka almost screamed. Moments later, the bizarre Angel's form started to distort; a single, strong jab finally penetrated its shell and it started to disintegrate. Asuka let out a triumphant yell–

Only to notice readouts on internal pressure and cooling turning red all over. The diving suit started to buckle audibly. Kyoko started to feel the temperature rising rapidly.

"Right when I succeeded… Oh, man, is this it?"

Kyoko realised what was going on. ' _The cable must have separated. Whatever you are, it seems your wish will be granted today'_ , she stared into the deep darkness. _'But she will not face it alone. I'm sorry, Ikari…'_

Kyoko reached to Asuka, no longer holding back. She imagined her hands embracing her daughter, comforting her, taking her in, giving her peace… Asuka seemed startled by the feeling, but relaxed a moment later. A soft whisper reached Kyoko: "Mama?"

A sudden jolt turned her attention away; the descent stopped abruptly, and Asuka looked up. A pair of glowing eyes pierced the darkness; the cracked glass made the shapes hard to make out, but it could be only one thing.

"Shinji?"

' _Ikari?'_

...

"Thank you for pulling me out of there, Ikari", Kyoko smiled at Yui and took her place behind the garden table. The burning sensation on her skin was slowly subsiding; cold breeze, helpfully provided by the Yui-controlled environment, was diminishing it further. The recovery operation, once Unit-02 descent was halted by the timely intervention of Unit-01, was quick and efficient, allowing the souls inside to meet in short order.

Yui smiled back. "It wasn't me", she replied, her smile a bit coy. "Well, not just me, at least."

"What?" Kyoko titled her head.

" _My son_ pulled _your daughter_ out; I merely strengthened my body's AT-Field, so it would hurt him less. Well, that and I assisted him in moving in this rather difficult environment. He chose to help her on his own will, against the orders of Katsuragi", Yui elaborated. "Well, maybe with minimal prodding on my part", she smiled a small smile, quickly hidden behind the teacup.

"Do you think they would… would this help them get along?" Kyoko's eyes lit with hope.

Yui put down the teacup and smiled sadly. "You read her feelings, didn't you? You tell me. I read his; he would love to be close to her, maybe even love her, but he is afraid she really hates him. And he's at least a little bit afraid of her nature, her temper, her fire", Yui described in a wistful voice.

"Well… I didn't look into her feelings, I prefer not to intrude on her like that. But I don't even have to search her feelings to know this; when she's yelling at him, calling him 'idiot'…" Kyoko trailed off.

"… it's her way of saying 'I care', or 'I want you to notice me', or maybe even 'I like you'. Definitely not the best way, I know, but a way nonetheless", Yui finished for her. "But he doesn't know that, and, well, I can't exactly tell him, can I?"

"I wished I had been there to teach her how to say 'I love you' the right way. I really do", Kyoko dropped her head, staring in the teacup.

"We both do, Soryu", Yui said in a wistful whisper. "Maybe we will, someday."

"Ikari?" Kyoko inquired in surprised voice.

"I think I found a way to leave", Yui turned to face Kyoko.

"Now?" Kyoko blurted out in shock.

"Of course **not**. When this is all over", Yui looked at her, confused. "We'd have to test it somehow, find a way to test it safely in the first place… but I think it will work", she smiled confidently.

Kyoko nodded and took a sip of tea. _'That… that is good news, for sure. I just wonder when she had time to work on it…'_

"Soryu… Did something happen just before I caught your Unit?" Yui asked reluctantly after a long moment of silence.

Kyoko raised her eyebrows in response. "You mean aside me thinking I was going to die horribly, and worse, watch my daughter die horribly?" she tried not to shiver at the memory. She did not think about it back then, as there was barely any time, but realising afterwards what would have happened once the thermal shielding failed was likely to give her nightmarish thoughts for a while. ' _On the other hand, "fear of diving in volcanoes" could be filed under "common sense"'_ , she thought with some amusement.

"Yes", Yui's face was serious again; it brought Kyoko's attention back. "I heard the command centre wondering about sudden and unexpected sync ratio jump. For a moment, it exceeded 90%, as I understood. Were you doing anything?"

"Ah. That", Kyoko froze, recalling those tense few seconds. "Yes."

Yui looked at her expectantly.

"I… I thought I was going to die, you know?" Kyoko explained, surprised that she had to elaborate. "And so did she, she was aware the end was coming. So…"

"So you connected to her", Yui finished, her lips tight. "You reached to her. Or spoke to her."

"Hugged her. Nothing else. I wanted to–"

"That was stupid. That was dangerous", Yui's tone was deceptively calm. Still, she sounded like a teacher scolding a student. Kyoko missed that subtlety due to the content of the message.

" **She was about to die!"** Kyoko screamed, her face contorted with anger. "Have you expected a mother to do **nothing** when her child is facing death?!"

Yui straightened in her chair and blinked, staring at Kyoko. Kyoko took a deep breath and looked around for the cup that had to land somewhere close. _'I just hope there were no stones nearby… oh, here it is!'_

"That's… that's a new one, I must say", Yui spoke up after a while, her voice a little shaky. "Well, you do have a point…"

Kyoko looked up from a rather awkward position she found herself in while trying to lift the cup from the ground, preferably without standing up.

"She is your daughter, of course you wanted to hold her in that situation", Yui continued. "I hate to admit it, but I think I'd do the same for Shinji, damn the consequences. Just…"

"… just don't do this when it'd arouse proper suspicion?" Kyoko finished, recovered cup in her hand, and her voice still shaking a little bit.

Yui nodded. "Yes. Let's hope this will be just another puzzle for them to ponder on. After all, Evangelions are fickle beasts no one truly understands", she smiled with a hint of mischief.

Kyoko seemed to relax a bit; she reached for the teapot, only to notice her hand was shaking. She quickly hid it under the table. Yui continued to speak, but Kyoko stopped consciously registering any words.

' _What is wrong with me?'_ , she wondered. _'I'm alive… well, I survived. Asuka is fine. Ikari is fine. No one got killed. I must be overreacting. And all I could focus for a moment was this… cup, a construct of Ikari's imagination, after all. Am I going insane here?'_

"Soryu? Earth to Base Zeppelin, are you there?" Yui's voice was mockingly stern, amusement evident behind the words.

Kyoko shook herself back to consciousness. "I'm sorry, Ikari. I must've zoned out", she paused. "No… I apologise", she closed her eyes. "I shouldn't have burst out like that", she took a deep breath. "I guess this whole situation is just making me… anxious."

She twitched when a warm hand touched her own. "Apology accepted, Soryu. I told you, I understand. Perhaps we should call it a day? I doubt there will be any alarm… Angels don't come that often. Just watch out for any signs of attention from our… caretakers, can you do that?"

Kyoko opened her eyes. Yui was leaning over the suddenly narrower table. She was looking in Kyoko's face with concern clearly visible in her expression.

"You're… you're probably right, Ikari. Thank you", she rose from the chair carefully, absentmindedly noticing that the chair was actually half-broken. _'Was that me? No, couldn't be, I'm not that strong'_ , she dismissed the idea.

Yui reluctantly released her hand. "Let's go. Time to rest", she smiled at Kyoko.

...

Kyoko was staring at the ceiling. Her thoughts drifted back to the very end of the operation, to the moment of her rescue. She remembered the wave of emotions that has risen from Asuka: relief first and foremost, gratitude a close second, and a lot of positive feelings towards the boy that saved her. _'This certainly tasted like affection… maybe even love. But why isn't she acting on it?'_

Understanding feelings and actions of a teenager was not an easy thing. Kyoko remembered times when she was one, but it felt like ages ago. And the circumstances were quite different. She did not have to fight life-and-death battles, for instance. ' _Not to mention, I had people I could confide in. Does she?'_

Kyoko kept staring at the increasingly familiar ceiling, finding no answer.

' _She might be afraid, yes… but she does not seem timid or withdrawn. Maybe she is careful, afraid of scaring him off? That would be considerate of her, but she might be missing a great chance on happiness that way…'_

Kyoko rose slowly and walked the squeaky floor to the window. The moon was hanging high in the dark sky, almost full. A simulacrum, of course, like everything here, but this was not something she would worry about now.

' _I hardly know her. I never saw her grow up'_ , the reality of not really knowing her own daughter hit her once more. _'There's no turning back the time, of course, but maybe there is a way to amend this somehow. If I could just talk to her, understand her, make her understand me…'_

She felt doubt overcoming her.

' _Or maybe I should help_ _ **myself**_ _first, somehow. Trying to teach my daughter anything while hearing voices in my head sounds like a bad idea. What was this proverb about cleaning your own house before offering advice? Or was it about a splinter in your own eye? On the other hand, it's not that I can talk to a therapist…'_

A thought struck her.

' _Gods, I'm so dense sometimes!'_

...

Yui Ikari woke to loud rapping at the door of her bedroom. By her reckoning, she has barely fallen asleep – and she was certainly **not** expecting visitors. Still, when she realised the sounds were real – at least as real as they could be here – she walked to the door. Opening it she faced Kyoko, her hair tied in a messy simple ponytail and her face beaming with excitement. An excitement that was quickly replaced by… embarrassment?

She blinked when she noticed Kyoko blushing and averting her eyes. It took Yui a moment to realise she chose to wear a rather anachronistic – and skimpy – silk negligée tonight. "Oh. Sorry, Soryu. I just like the way the fabric feels on skin…" she blurted out and quickly grabbed a robe. "What happened?"

"Errrrm" said Kyoko, checking with the corner of her eye whether her host was decent again. _'Input data incorrect, please re-enter'_ , her brain responded before deciding to cooperate. "I-I'm so-sorry, I-I had this idea and I thought you could help me so I…"

Yui grabbed her shoulders and looked directly into Kyoko's eyes, interrupting the babble. "Soryu. Focus. What. Is. Going. On?"

"Teach me", Kyoko blurted out, looking Yui dead in the eye.

Yui unwittingly did her best owl impression. "What."

"Teach me how to make my own world", Kyoko elaborated.

"All right… I thought I was supposed to be the odd one", she quipped half-heartedly a moment later when her ability to speak returned. "Can this wait until morning?"

Kyoko looked around, seemingly not understanding the question. "Oh. I'm sorry", she said when realisation appeared on her face. "I… I couldn't sleep, and I…"

"Please, let me take you to your room. You seem… slightly bemused", she gently turned Kyoko around and led her down the corridor.

Yui kept talking about rest and peace of night. Her voice sounded soothing, but Kyoko was not exactly listening to the words. Her excitement was only one of the reasons; the warm hand on the small of her back, guiding her, was another thing that was wreaking havoc with her ability to focus.

"Here we are", Yui's voice and the sudden absence of the hand returned her to consciousness. "Goodnight, Soryu", Yui smiled at her and gently led her inside. "Please, rest. And tomorrow… tomorrow I will tell you all you need to know. And we will put it in practice", she smiled.

Kyoko followed Yui's suggestion absentmindedly. The door closed behind her.

Her thoughts regained their clarity once excitement abated. ' _I'm sorry, my dear Asuka. You'll have to wait for your mother a little bit longer'_ she thought while pondering on her plan _. 'I'm so glad I thought of that. What can possibly go wrong?'_


	4. Chapter 4 - Talk to me

**Two Souls - chapter 4. – Talk to me**

.

Kyoko Soryu was a little tense.

Yui came to wake Kyoko in the morning, as she usually did; Kyoko, on her part, was certain she did not fall asleep at all. She was also reasonably certain that the night was again far shorter than it was supposed to be.

And as usual, she chose to ignore such details. After all, this was not a very real place, despite Yui's efforts and Kyoko's own internal desire to consider it real.

On the other hand, what she could not ignore were the events of the previous night, when she ran to wake her hapless host, became speechless at a simple and completely mundane sight, and generally acted like a teenager would. She might have gotten over the embarrassment and confusion regarding her host's state of undress – although recalling that did not help her focus right now – but not her own actions. They might have been in a mindscape, everything around them could be an illusion – but the actions and words were real, and they were a source of her unease right now.

' _Focus, Soryu. You had a moment of… stupidity? Silliness? Juvenile behaviour? I guess one could call it "a short bout of regression", but let's not play with self-diagnosis. Let's call it "this thing that will not happen again lest Ikari thinks I'm not serious about following her plan or even not mature enough to trust" and carry on'_ , she pondered over a cup of cocoa and the plate full of pound cake slices.

Of course, this was easier thought than done. Yui was similarly lost in her thoughts: her face showed little emotion, and her gaze was distant. This did not put Kyoko at ease at all; she wanted to reach into that mind, wanted to know what Yui Ikari, her host, ally, and maybe even friend, was thinking. Specifically, what was on her mind right now and what was she thinking about that unfortunate incident.

"I think we're done", Yui stated cheerfully, suddenly breaking out of her contemplation. "We can go as soon as we finish here", she smiled at Kyoko.

Kyoko nodded her head carefully, unsure what was going on, but deciding to play along. _'Questioning Ikari's suggestions is rarely a good idea… her words and choices usually make sense in the end. Well, once I learn the whole context, of course.'_

...

Trees surrounded them. Yui was leading them towards something she called "the testing grounds" when they were departing.

They were not walking the beaten path that led to the clearing Kyoko usually appeared in Yui's mindscape; nor were they travelling the less-trodden garden path that led to the hedge maze they visited once in a while. No, the path Yui took them was entirely new one, one Kyoko was unfamiliar with. The grass on it was cut short, and short wooden posts were placed to mark its route, but Yui must have deliberately made it appear unused, even neglected. Kyoko pondered over the possible symbolism of Yui making the path appear that way, finally deciding this was not exactly the most important thing to consider now.

They were walking in silence. Kyoko was trying her best to conceal her excitement over the situation. _'I know this is irrational. It's not the first training I get from Ikari…'_ she tried to convince herself. _'On the other hand, all that she taught me until now was conscious Evangelion operation… surely, useful, lifesaving, maybe even interesting… but hardly fun.'_

A pang of guilt grabbed at her heart. _'All right, maybe "fun" isn't something I should be thinking of when my daughter is out there, fighting life and death battles. But I'm doing this for her, too… so maybe it's fine enough?'_

"I thought you'd be more excited about that, Soryu", Yui's amused voice interrupted Kyoko's deliberations. "Maybe I should've blindfolded you while guiding you here? To make the surprise more… intriguing? Thrilling?"

Kyoko mumbled something indistinct in response, trying to hide the fact her face was turning pink. _'Keep your wits about you, Soryu. You are not- Gott, was that flirting on her part?'_ Kyoko mind started to race. She started to breath faster. Yui smiled at the reaction but did not comment.

' _No, no, it could not be. She is just helping me, she is an ally, a friend. Why would she flirt with me? She has a husband… well, an ex-husband… damn it'_ , she gritted her teeth. _'I hate this uncertainty, I hate this turmoil, I really do…'_

She looked sideways at Yui and realised her companion was still watching her with a small smile. It almost felt as she enjoyed Kyoko's confusion and embarrassment. _'Plan B, coming up. What was I supposed to question her about… ah, yes.'_

"Ikari… can I ask you something?", Kyoko broke the silence, her voice shaking somewhat. _'Distraction would work best, I guess. Gott, I wish I took some psychology classes, it would surely help to keep me stable now. But how could I anticipate_ _ **this**_ _, ever?'_

"Of course, Soryu. What is on your mind?" Yui's gaze became curious.

"Your… husband… the commander… as Katsuragi called him, I guess that's the term…"

"Yes?" a sign of surprise crept into Yui's voice.

"Do you think he would really go with the 'bomb everything into oblivion' option if the volcano operation failed?"

Yui stopped and took a deep breath. Kyoko followed suit; they halted in the middle of the forest path.

"I do not know a good answer to that, Soryu", she replied, her heart clearly heavy. "I wish I could tell you 'no'. I wish I was **sure** about that as I was when… when he and I were together", she sighed. "But the more I see his actions, the more I listen to his words… he has changed, Soryu. He has changed so much that I am no longer sure this is the man I married", she paused.

They both were silent for a while; Kyoko did not dare to interrupt Yui's pensive state.

"No, I'm sure this is not the man I married", she sighed heavily. "Maybe it was an error to leave him alone with all this responsibility, without my hand to guide him. He seems to have gone… cold. Irreverent of human life. Maybe even irreverent of Shinji's life, not to mention his well-being", her voice sounded almost melancholic. "I hope I am wrong on that last part, but if I am not…"

Yui's lips formed a tight line, her gaze went distant. Kyoko kept listening, unwilling to disturb her host's pondering.

"No, it is too soon to condemn the man. But I am increasingly afraid he deserves nothing else. That'd be a great pity", Yui sighed, shaking her head. "I loved him."

Kyoko reached reluctantly and touched Yui's hand. A flash of mild surprise crossed the woman's face, quickly replaced by a smile.

"So, Soryu… Maybe he would authorise such an attack, maybe it was just a procedure he followed and would never press the button. There will be further trials, and I will make my judgement. And if I find he has fallen… well, no amount of defence can withstand an Evangelion except an Evangelion, and with your help, we would have two", she smiled a wry, wider and toothed smile. "And thus, the only countermeasure against us united would be Unit-00. And this is still two against one", she finished and her smile widened even further.

Kyoko looked at her with a tilted head.

"Did you just suggested you'd… assassinate? Murder? Your husband? And you ask for my help?"

"Ex-husband… or widower, at best, Soryu", she kept smiling, looking Kyoko in the eye. "And not murder, of course. If he is guilty, that would be justice served, or a combat casualty, if it comes to that. And yes, I could really use your help with that. After all, we are allies, are we not?"

'… _hello again, shivers'_ passed through Kyoko's head. _'Well, she is at least part-right'_ , Kyoko thought, nodding slowly while maintaining the constant eye contact. "Yes, Ikari, of course. We are", she smiled back, some uncertainty remaining in her voice. _'I hate to admit that, she has a point here…'_

"Shall we, then?" Yui asked cheerfully and pointed in the general direction further down the path. Kyoko just nodded and resumed her walk.

...

The testing ground's area was a square of several metres on each side, surrounded by a two-metre tall red brick wall topped with barbed wire; the wall's line was broken only by a single, heavy iron gate. Its floor was made of beaten earth covered with less than an inch of sand; it gave the impression of being created to be as safe as possible.

"How do you like it, Soryu?" came the inquiry. "I was in a little bit of a hurry to create it, but I think it would suit us quite nicely", Yui smiled at surprised Kyoko.

"I-Ikari… when… when did you manage to create this?" Kyoko managed to stutter out.

"This morning? When you were busy feasting on toast, egg, and bacon?" Yui smile became wider.

"Oh. Of course. Apologies… Yes, this looks safe, thank you. What now?" Kyoko regained her ability to speak after a short time of bewilderment.

"Now, I will give you some… I guess you could call them 'access rights'… to the mindscape", Yui elaborated. " **Please** don't ask me how exactly", Yui threw her palms up in response to Kyoko opening her mouth, questions written all over her face. "It's like inner workings of an Evangelion, and no, I have not done it before. It was not needed, after all."

Kyoko closed her mouth without uttering a sound and nodded.

"Give me a moment to work it out, all right?" Yui smiled and closed her eyes. Expression of intense focus replaced the smile. Half a minute later, she opened her eyes again and her smile returned. "Done. You should have the basic creation and changing rights in this mindscape… I'm glad I anticipated that need when I designed it", she sighed tiredly.

Kyoko looked around and then at her hands held in front of her.

"I don't feel any different, actually…" she started, her voice confused.

Yui smiled. "Try something. Try to… I don't know, move the sand?"

Kyoko tilted her head, intense focus appearing on her face.

"Nononono **no!** " was the last thing Kyoko heard, and panicked face of Yui Ikari was the last thing she saw before falling to her knees, blinded and coughing her lungs out.

Moments later, the air cleared as suddenly as it became fouled. A strong wind encompassed her, and soon, the dust has settled. Kyoko saw Yui again, her eyes a little wild and her hair dusty. Kyoko coughed another lungful of sand out and stood up, a little bit wobbly.

"Well", Yui started in a hoarse voice, "you did what I asked you to do, I admit. Still, I was thinking more of a… column of whirling sand, **not** a sandstorm", she finished, underscoring her point with a cough of her own. A brush appeared in her hand and she started to dust her dress off before handing the tool to Kyoko.

"I'm… sorry, Ikari. I just… reached and… stirred? I'm sorry, I didn't know how strong this could be", Kyoko replied sheepishly.

"Yes, I've noticed that", Yui replied, a hint of bitterness in her voice. Kyoko began to feel like a first-year student – not a pleasant feeling by any measure. "I guess it was my mistake; like handing a teenager unaware of her strength a china cup and expecting nothing will break." Yui sighed. "Well, let's do it the slow way then. First, you will have to learn to fine-tune your reach", she refocused her gaze on Kyoko's face.

Sand between them slowly parted and column of beaten earth rose to waist-height level. Yui created a cauldron with water on top of it.

"Now, Soryu. Please try to make the water surface move… and do it as subtly as you can. Start slow – we don't need a rain here… or a rainstorm", Yui smiled a small smile.

Kyoko was still flushed with the embarrassment of her first try; she nodded slowly and focused on the container. _'Apply the most precise touch you can muster. It's simple, it's easy. Just measure your strength, like when you are bisecting a sample, like when you are fitting a chip into a socket, like… like when you are tying Asuka's hair ribbon. Precision is not something I could have lost, is it?'_

Moments later, it became apparent that she was still in the Top Ten of most wrong people in NERV HQ.

...

Kyoko always enjoyed the petrichor; she found the smell of wet earth soothing. It remained her of many mountain treks of her youth; it reminded her of the peace of early morning sun. The beauty of dew covering the mountain meadows came to her mind whenever she smelled it. It was a smell of good memories, a nostalgia-evoking sensation that brought the memory of good times, feelings of serenity.

The feeling of heavy, soaked dress clinging to her body and chafing on her skin far was far less appealing. It brought feelings of annoyance bordering on frustration.

"Soryu", Yui's voice was patient, with only a small hint of irritation. It made her shiver far more than the cold, wet dress enveloping her. "I might not be up-to-date with German standards of precision, but I am certain this would be considered rather… _violent_ , which is opposite to _subtle._ "

Kyoko wanted to dig a hole in the wet sand here and now – and hide in it.

She stopped herself short before implementing, or even visualising that plan. Last two attempts in altering the environment have proven definitely too destructive, and not knowing what access rights she has been given, she could not estimate the result of any 'I want to sink into the ground' thought.

"Let me clean it up, and we may try it again" Yui resumed in face of Kyoko's silence. A hot wind began to blow, drying them up quickly – _'actually, far quicker than it should be possible'_ , Kyoko noted. _'Well, it is, as before, an Ikari-controlled environment…'_

Kyoko sighed. _'What am I doing wrong? I am just… touching the… atoms? And it all explodes, like I was_ _ **splitting**_ _them, not just trying to move'_ , her thoughts wandered while Yui reset the testing grounds. _'Maybe it's the matter of being in Ikari's mindscape? Maybe I would have less problem with mine?'_

"… should be fine. Shall we try again, Soryu?" came to her from outside.

"Yes, of course", she turned back to her host. Yui's appearance was perfect once more. Kyoko chuckled at that sight.

"Is some sand left on my face, Soryu?" Yui asked, raising her eyebrow.

Kyoko could not tell whether she was being light-hearted, or annoyed. She decided not to take her chances. She shook her head. "No, no, no… it's just…" she trailed off. Yui's eyebrow rose higher.

"Ye-es?"

Kyoko let out a sigh. "Do you take pains to look proper and good, or is this coming natural to you? Like, you think 'I want to look clean' and you are?"

Yui blinked. "I… I don't know", she admitted. "Just feels natural in this place, you know? A noble lady of any era – and I admit, this is what this fantasy is about, being a noble lady – was always supposed to look proper and clean. So yes, I just… will it, and my mind makes it real. Of course, there is a lot in the details, like remembering the sounds, behaviour, movements of air… But yes, in the end, it's like putting your sneakers on: you don't think how to tie your shoelaces, you just do, and when you recreate the steps slowly, you're likely to fumble."

Kyoko blinked, staring at her. Something clicked in her head. "Ikari. Are you saying I am overthinking this whole _creation and control_ thing?"

Yui tilted her head. " **That** was a leap of logic if I have ever seen one… well, it was not my intent to say that, but… possibly?"

Kyoko nodded thoughtfully. "Let me try again", she requested after a moment of silence.

Yui nodded cautiously. "That is what we are here for, Soryu. Third time's the charm, right?" she smiled with a hint of worry.

...

The third attempt at manipulation could still not be called a success if any but the lowest standards were applied. Kyoko was staring at the container with all the will she could muster, and when the surface finally moved, she was not certain whether she has succeeded, the Ikari-controlled wind kicked in to assist her – or was it her mind playing tricks on her, giving her what she wanted to see.

"All right, that went quite well for the first… well, third time."

Kyoko turned her attention from the cauldron and tried to blink away the afterimages of the cauldron that filled her vision. The container's shape was impressed in inverted colours in her retina; it confused her for a moment. Still, she was quite sure Yui has just folded a large umbrella and stashed it away; she decided not to think where it went.

"I… I'm not sure it worked", Kyoko started, her voice uncertain.

Yui smiled. "It did, or at least I saw it happen, and believe me, my senses are quite good here. And this time, there was no sudden shower or a squall", her smile turned wry. "Do you want to try again?"

"Well… yes, I think? I should? That is what we are here for, and you went through all the trouble for…" Kyoko sounded uncertain.

Yui nodded, her face turning solemn again. "Don't mention it, Soryu. Focus. We have plenty of time, of course, but this doesn't mean we should waste it."

Kyoko obeyed. Her eyes and thoughts focused on the cauldron once more; she stared intently and thus missed Yui's worried expression – and the large umbrella she produced from thin air.

...

The expected storm and rain did not come; the humidity remained the same. The only thing that surely rose was Kyoko's frustration, alleviated only by minor movements of water and sand.

...

"I think we deserved a little bit of time away from the lessons", Yui smiled, handing Kyoko a steaming cup and taking a seat in a comfy chair in front of a warm fireplace. Kyoko smiled and accepted the cup with a nod before sinking into the soft cushions and returning her attention to the crackling fire.

' _It was a… long day. Satisfying, but long. And Ikari does know how to provide a cosy spot'_ , she smiled to herself. _'I don't know why, but I feel… safe here. Cared for. I could get used to it…'_

Kyoko's several attempts at control that followed were successful, but hardly impressive – on the other hand, they were far from disasters that marked the first ones. She still felt the frustration, and her embarrassment from the initial attempts has not entirely subsided, even if Yui has been nothing but patient and supportive. _'I wonder why does she put up with me… I was never a very good company, after all'_ , Kyoko mused. _'Of course, I am a scientist and so is she, so we do have common ground… and I am the only company she has here. However ill-fitting the words would be, "beggars can't be choosers" applies here… both ways'_ , she sighed silently. _'Not that I mind. Ikari can be scary once in a while, but overall, she is a wonderful host… and the chocolate tastes great, that's a bonus.'_

"Ikari…" Kyoko broke the silence, prompting her host to refocus on her. "Tell me a story? You sure have them aplenty", Kyoko smiled warmly.

Yui chuckled. "Yes... I do. But I think there are not many I can tell you without likely boring you to death… or creeping you out."

Kyoko looked at her quizzically.

"I had a teacher... my father's friend", Yui continued. "A family friend, to be more precise; I actually called him 'uncle' before... before he started to teach and requested we – the children he taught – call him 'teacher'. He was old, and I do mean old. I thought he was well above a hundred years old, now I believe he was about eighty or ninety back then", she mused. "And he seemed to have known **everything**! You know how children are: they ask all the manners of questions, all the time, about everything. And he always answered them, all of them, with infinite patience... but also gave us looks that scared us when we tried to be clever on him", she smiled a thoughtful smile. "It was him who told us all the stories... I guess that's why I found your lecture German poetry a little bit familiar, there was a fair amount of Nordic mythology there too. Any mythology, if I remember correctly, and about how they all fit together."

"You were home-schooled?" Kyoko inquired. "Or was this something like Sunday School?"

"In the beginning, it was home-schooling, not only… him, but a governess. Then I went to school, and the teacher tales became just a supplementation to normal education. Then there was high school while his talks continued… he has noticeably aged by that time, and meetings became infrequent; he died soon after, and all the children – well, no longer children – all wept for him. He was more a grandfather to us than our respective grandparents, after all."

The air of mournful silence descended for a moment. Yui's face was solemn for a moment, then she shook out of it.

"It's the past. I remember him with great fondness, even if I was afraid of him at times", she smiled.

"Isn't it a little unusual in this age, to be home-schooled?" Kyoko inquired.

"I guess it is", Yui shrugged. "I thought nothing of it, back then, until I looked back and realised none of my university friends had this experience. My parents were protective, maybe even paranoid... and I guess they wanted me to get the best possible education", she smiled. "It certainly paid in my career."

Kyoko nodded. "I see… I admit I am not in the mood for creepy stories, and boring, well, it not the point of telling a story, is it… but you surely have **some** tale you could tell me that is neither?"

Yui pondered for a moment. "Well… As long as you don't have issues with parables?"

Kyoko shook her head. "I don't think I do? Should I?"

Yui smiled. "Then listen to a tale about a man and his loin-cloth …"

Kyoko blinked in surprise. "Pardon me saying that, but this sounds… um… never mind, please, continue."

Yui looked at her, confusion in her eyes. Then, she laughed, her face reddening a tone. "No, no, no, no, it's not what it sounds like, believe me. Just listen…"

Kyoko nodded, and Yui straightened in her seat. "Once upon a time, in a distant land", she started in a measured, calm voice, "there was a man who made the search for enlightenment the main drive of his life. Soon after, he made so much progress, that his guru was impressed and decided the man needed no further guidance. Thus, he left him on his own, in a little hut on a bank of the river…"

...

"And then the man said: 'You won't believe me, sir, but there was no other way I could keep my loin-cloth!'"

Kyoko stared for a moment before chuckling softly. "Well, that does make sense… the man was kind of right, but at the same time… well, I guess the story's lesson is open to interpretation?"

Yui nodded. "It is. Our teacher… well, he asked us what we thought of each and every story he told us, what the lessons were… and when you offered an interpretation he did not like, he relentlessly poked it with questions until he had broken it down and proven we were wrong. Sometimes, just sometimes, one of us managed to defend the interpretation. He was always very proud of that child when it happened… but it was rare", Yui smiled. "I apologise", she shook her head. "I am getting nostalgic… my childhood was a peaceful time, a time I gladly return to, even if I shouldn't. Looking back is… immature", she sighed.

Kyoko shook her head and reached to touch Yui's hand. She felt a twitch, but Yui did not pull back. Kyoko's palm covered the warm fingers resting on the chair's armrest.

"For most people, except those really unlucky ones, childhood was an easier time. There is no shame in recalling it… as long as you're not stuck there. Don't worry, Ikari, I will not hold a little bit of sentimentality against you", Kyoko winked, eliciting a small smile from Yui.

"You're probably right", Yui let out a softer sigh and turned her palm up, gently grasping Kyoko's fingers. "Well, that was the story I could tell you without boring you; whatever lesson you choose to draw from it is entirely your own. Of course, I am not a teacher, and I will not make you defend your interpretation", she chuckled. "I'm not a very good teacher…" she trailed off. "I mean, I can tell stories, but not to really teach lessons, maybe to entertain, but again, am I good at it? I don't know… and I'm rambling again", she sighed.

Kyoko squeezed the hand she held.

"Are we in any kind of a hurry, Ikari?" she asked. "It was entertaining, for sure, and you **are** still giving me some insight, I guess, just by the choice of the story. And I don't mind learning a little bit more about you, Ikari… and I simply like listening to you", she smiled warmly.

Yui blinked, raising her eyes to meet those of Kyoko. Their gazes locked; a flash of worry passed through Yui's face, followed by confusion, a hint of fear, and… understanding?

Yui grasped the hand that held hers hard; for a few seconds, she held it tight. Kyoko suddenly felt a little bit warmer than the fireplace would justify.

Then, Yui shook her head.

"Of course, Soryu", she smiled. "I apologise. I think I'm… tired? The whole training business, while successful, was rather exhausting", her smile turned apologetic. "I shall retire early, if you don't mind."

Kyoko nodded. "Of course, Ikari." ' _Tired? I guess I am tiring, at times, and maintaining reality's coherence while I poke and prod at it could be considered tiring… perhaps even exhausting.'_

Yui untangled her fingers from the handclasp and rose from her chair. "Will you find your way to your room, Soryu?" she asked in a soft voice.

"Of course, I'm practically living here, aren't I?" Kyoko smiled.

Yui nodded with a small smile. "Good night, then." Moments later, she was out of the door; the footsteps faded into silence.

Kyoko was left alone by the fire, her head full of thoughts.

...

Yui Ikari stood in the window, gazing at the moon. She was in her usual nightwear – the same that put Kyoko off-balance last night – and she was wrapped in a soft blanket. For some reason, even while she knew the blanket was illusory, this simple gesture gave her comfort.

"A fine mess I am", she spoke to herself, pretending to aim the words at the painting of a middle-aged couple in ballroom wear, a painting she chose to remember her parents with, a painting that once hung in the corridors of her home. "I guide her, all right, I help her, I expect results as a teacher should…" she sighed. "But in the end, what good will it do? I will likely get to drink tea in **her** garden, if it works well and she is wilful enough… but will it help finish the plan?"

The painting did not respond. Of course, Yui would be seriously worried if it did. The turned back to stare at the large moon, shining brightly in the night sky.

"Is this even a good plan?"

This was the doubt gnawing at her since the beginning, since before she climbed into the proto-Evangelion, since even before she started to work out the details. She shoved those doubts away; after all, was convinced that she was right, that her goals were noble and just, that the ever-present suffering of human beings would end, that the entirety of humanity would be finally happy under-

A sudden change in the usual buzzing of her external senses caught her attention and interrupted her train of thoughts. The Cages were usually peaceful except times of deployment or maintenance, with no more than a few technicians around, but there was always the constant sound of electronic equipment, the known beeping, the fans, the dim lights…

It all vanished at once, replaced by a deep stillness filled with hushed, clearly panicked voices.

"What the…" Yui focused her senses on the outside. Darkness, punctuated by very few red, emergency lights greeted her. Along with it came a faint feeling of thirst, slowly increasing.

"Oh. This is not good."

...

Sudden knocking woke Kyoko up. "Enter?" she called in sleepy, confused voice. Yui Ikari burst through the door. "Something is horribly wrong. You must go to your machine and shut down everything that is non-essential before you drain your battery."

"What? Why? What-" Kyoko sat on the bed, her face still expressing confusion.

Yui grabbed Kyoko's arms and stared her right in the eye. "There is a blackout of the entire base. Our communication, our Evas, our bodies – they drain power even when inactive. It may mean they run out of power if there is a need for combat. Go to your Eva, this should reduce the power use on the comm system if it doesn't have to maintain the connection. Save power." Yui was quickly, but methodically providing instructions. "Keep your senses open, but only passively."

"Is there an attack?" Kyoko tried to collect her thoughts.

"No. But as I know my widower…" Yui paused for a moment and decided this is not the best moment to ponder her marital status again. "… the base has triple or quadruple backups. If they all have failed, and it seems so, this means either an Angel is doing this, or this is some sabotage. We must be ready. Go."

Kyoko nodded and rose from the bed the moment Yui released her arms. "All right. Anything else?"

"No, except keep your channel 8 open, I will try to establish a low-level signal so we have _some_ communication"

"'Go home now, I'll call you', right, Ikari?" Kyoko remarked with a wry smile she held for a second. "Good luck", she turned solemn again.

Yui blinked in surprise, then chuckled. "To both of us. Go. I'll get to work now."

Kyoko turned towards the door. The act of walking, of passing through something representing a gate, a door, even if it were two trees framing a path, helped in the transition. She took a step-

...

-and fell in the familiar cold waters.

' _Hello darkness, my old friend…'_ she thought with resignation before focusing on her surroundings.

The familiar presence she half-expected, half-hoped not to feel touched her again, far more softly than before. There were no words now, just the overwhelming feeling of vast emptiness. For a moment, Kyoko felt as she were in the middle of an ocean, all alone, with nothing but the dark sky above her and miles of dark waters below her. For some reason, it did not scare her – she found an unusual, never before experienced tranquillity. She relaxed, spread her arms, and kept staring at the dark sky. _'Why are there no stars? So far from the land, I should be able to see the stars… or maybe are they gone, too?'_

Her mind drifted away and she felt herself slowly sinking into the welcoming embrace of the water, well knowing that once she reaches the bottom, she will find even greater peace, the peace of eternal rest.

"…se Zeppelin … you …py?"

A signal carrying a voice, but buzzing with static to a point of intelligibility slowly reached boundaries of her mind. It did not seem important at all, though.

"…to base Zeppelin, do … copy?" the signal came in stronger. A small ripple in the waters disturbed her peace. This voice sounded insistent; maybe it was important? It sounded vaguely familiar, too.

"Earth to base Zeppelin, do you copy? Soryu – **are you there**?"

Suddenly, the voice was dead serious without a hint of static. Kyoko managed to focus the remnants of her attention. "Yes?" she asked weakly.

"Soryu, I don't know what is going there, but you sound like you were asleep. Talk to me", the voice was insistent.

"Who… who is this?"

The peaceful waters were pulling her, and the voice was an annoying disturbance. Still, some part of her mind held to it. It seemed important to her.

"Soryu, by the gods of my ancestors, I really hope this is a bad attempt at a joke." There was a hint of panic in that voice. _'And a hint of… care? Who could care for me?'_

Dim images passed in front of Kyoko's eyes. The garden. The kitchen table. The tea and cake. The woman who hosted her.

The woman who called to her now.

"I… Ikari?"

"Yes, it is me. Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu, I don't know what is wrong, but **focus** , by all that is holy, **wake up!** "

The last part was underscored by a loud sound that sounded like someone hitting a desk with a fist. Kyoko blinked and gasped in reaction to the impulse. That moment, she started to drown.

Few seconds of struggle pulled her out from her relaxed, tranquil state and threw her into a state of minor panic. This was, of course, more familiar; it was something she experienced regularly when returning to her Evangelion.

It took her a few long moments later to recover, resurface, and take a deep breath. She felt the cold and hostile, but familiar presence retreat. 'Not ready…' was a whisper it left behind before vanishing into the depths.

"Soryu? Are. You. There?"

Kyoko shook her head. "Yes, Ikari, I'm here. Sorry, I… I don't know what happened, I just started sinking when I got back."

' _Well, I_ _ **could**_ _explain it… but I don't think this is the best moment'_ , she gritted her teeth. _'Being insane is not the best qualification in an ally… and what happened is not exactly normal.'_

"This does not sound good, but we will discuss it once you're back – unless you need to talk right now?" Yui offered, panic retreating from her voice, but leaving behind audible worry and a hint of care.

"No, I'm… fine", Kyoko lied with minimal hesitation. _'I will sort it out. I was sleepy, confused, and this will not happen again.'_

A minor, very distant giggle responded from the depths. A chill ran down Kyoko's spine.

"Are you sure?" Yui's voice inquired.

"Yes. I will be fine", Kyoko reassured her, her voice shakier than a moment ago. "I was just startled, that's all. Thank you for waking me up", she forced a bit of cheer into her voice.

"All right. Now… did you handle the systems? How do you feel about your batteries?"

"I'm not sure", Kyoko resumed her professional posture. This came a bit easier than the cheer. "I do feel them slightly drained, but nothing serious. I'm looking at systems now, but there is not much to deactivate here…"

"I might've been exaggerating with the power use in the current mode. Just don't activate any more systems and you should be fine" Yui reassured her. "I see some movements and people with manual lights, but not much else. Let's wait until it becomes clear."

"Roger that, Ikari" Kyoko confirmed.

"And… Soryu?" came in, in a hesitant voice.

"Yes?"

"Don't scare me like this ever again, please?"

Yui's voice was calm, but it carried a lot of strange undertones, a lot of emotions, primarily of care and relief. If her body made it possible, Kyoko would have blushed right now.

"I will do my best to avoid that, Ikari", she stated, this time entirely sincere.

"Thank you."

The silence that followed was only slightly awkward.

...

The voices from outside were a welcome relief. Suddenly, without much warning, the Evangelion Cages began to bustle with activity, if an unusual one. There were people running around, shouting orders – by voice or some loudspeaker – and there were sounds indicative of physical effort. Kyoko chose to break the radio silence.

"Ikari, you can see outside, right? What is going on?"

"I am… not sure. They seem to be… attempting something despite lack of power. I currently see an Entry Plug lifted by hand on ropes…" she trailed off. "Oh. This is a manual launch, I believe. But there are no pilots around."

"I think I heard Asuka's voice just a minute ago, but it might've been anything… is it even possible to enter the base without the power?"

"As I know my… as I know Gendo, yes, there is. He likes to have an exit from every situation, multiple entry routes, and a number of alternatives to anything he touches. Question is whether they know-oh, they're here. You heard right, they were crawling through the ventilation ducts."

Kyoko chuckled. "Well, that had to look funny…"

"Well… there is no dignified way to crawl in crawlspaces, is there?" Yui sounded amused. "I'm getting my Entry Plug inserted. I believe you're next."

"So… see you in battle?" Kyoko's voice turned serious.

"Yes, Soryu. Good luck, and good hunting."

"To us both, Ikari."

...

"You're right, Ikari. There is no dignified way to move in here…", Kyoko noted dryly on Channel 8 when the Evangelions were heading out via some Evangelion-sized crawlspace. Asuka was focused on the task and perfectly able to walk, leaving Kyoko free to contemplate the internal architecture of NERV HQ.

Yui chuckled. "I admit it feels… unusual."

"Geez! This is **so** uncool!" grumbled Asuka. Kyoko giggled.

"Apparently, our children share the sentiment…" she directed a comment at Yui.

"We're approaching the vertical shaft" came over the comm from Unit-00. Kyoko turned her attention to the source of the voice, a voice she heard before, and that sounded somewhat nagging familiar…

Her thoughts were interrupted by Asuka opening the door to the shaft – or, more precisely, brutally kicking them out – and a difficult climb up the shaft. _'Well, I can imagine why there are no handholds there, but this is not an easy-'_

"This is still uncool", Asuka grumbled once more, taking the point in climbing. She tried to continue, but some movement drew her attention.

"I'm hit, no damage, watch out, it's acid, it hurts" came over Channel 8 from Yui.

A second later, a warning "Watch out! Dodge!" came over the comm from Unit-00.

Kyoko suddenly realised why the voice of the last pilot sounded familiar. She knew that voice well, it was just a little older… _'She never mentioned a daughter!'_

Once more, her thoughts got interrupted by sudden situation change: searing pain on the skin, loss of balance, a sensation of falling – it all came together within seconds.

"Soryu, grab zero, dig heels in!" came on Channel 8; Kyoko obeyed instinctively. The fact that there was no pilot input made the task far easier. She caught Unit-00 with her hand and kicked the walls as strong as she was able, while simultaneously trying to steady herself against grabbed Evangelion. The sound of the torn metal rung in her ears, the pain of strained muscles and tendons made her clench her teeth.

"Got it, Soryu. Good work", came on Channel 8.

"We are no longer falling. Good work, Pilot Ikari, Pilot Soryu" came in younger voice. Confused sounds were the only reply. "I suggest we… step aside. The Angel may attempt to use the corrosive substance again soon.

The pilots of Unit-01 and Unit-02 regained their composure remarkably quickly and scrambled up towards the passageway they started the journey up the shaft and started to form a combat plan.

Kyoko realised her growing thirst; their power was limited. "Ikari, are you all right?" she focused on the secret transmission channel.

"Yes, Soryu, I am fine", came a delayed reply. "We have been reckless with that stunt, let's hope our children will not think too much of it", the voice added with worry.

"They shouldn't, they're too focused on the current situation, they'll likely write it off as a reflex. Ikari… that girl in Unit-00…" Kyoko started.

"Not now, Soryu. I promise, I'll explain later as much as I will be able to", came a curt answer.

"… on offense, Wondergirl is the backup." Kyoko refocused on Asuka's voice; she seemed to provide the final details of her plan. "Got it?"

"Understood" came in unison from both Shinji and the strange girl.

"Okay, here. We. Go!" Asuka yelled. "Los!"

"Soryu, I'm leaving the channel open should we need to coordinate again", Yui noted in focused voice once Evangelions began to climb out.

"Roger that, Ikari" , Kyoko acknowledged. "Guide his hand well."

"I always will", Yui replied with absolute certainty in her voice.

Kyoko smiled and focused on Asuka's actions. _'Most dangerous position. Of course she chose it for herself, my Asuka, always brave, to a fault… empower AT Field, reduce the pain. Let's face this… together, mother and daughter.'_

...

A sound of triumph came over the comms from Unit-01. There was a far softer "Good work, son… now I hope they will regain power and reconnect us… see you then, Soryu" on Channel 8.

Kyoko managed to acknowledge the message before darkness surrounded her mere seconds later; the Evangelion powered down. _'What… oh. That was a pilot command, of course… Asuka powered down the moment she realized combat was over. Well, the moment she was done bragging. She knew it would take a moment to be retrieved.'_

Kyoko could not see her daughter, but she could feel her presence all too well. Emotions radiating from her were confusing, chaotic – Kyoko was beginning to get used to it, but it still was a little taxing to experience. _'I guess this is a normal thing for a teenager… Tell me, my dear girl, what do you feel?'_ Kyoko opened herself a little bit more to sensations from the pilot.

There was a sense of triumph, yes, and joy. _'This is expected, of course, that was a victory under rather difficult circumstances.'_

There was pride. _'Of course, she withstood great pain… no, wait, it is not about her… she is proud of_ _ **him**_ _. This is… strange.'_

There was also longing in the mix, affection, infatuation, desire-

Kyoko stopped herself right there. Delving into that would be simply wrong, it felt far too… intimate. But it was clearly directed at the Ikari boy. _'She… she is in love with him. Consciously or not, she is. Proud of him and angry at him for not noticing. This… this may turn a little bit complicated.'_

She extended the softest touch towards her daughter, one that could easily be interpreted as Asuka's own imagination. She felt her daughter's mind and arms wrap around her hand, and she held her firm. The turmoil from the emotions started to slowly subside.

"What should I do, Mama…?" came a soft whisper.

Kyoko's first instinct was to speak up, but this would have been a stupid idea, one she has been warned away by Yui more than once. She moved a bit closer to Asuka, embracing her; Asuka did not seem to notice the change.

"He… he doesn't care. He avoids me. He ignores even the most blatant hints, I bet he's laughing at me afterwards!" A wave of irritation, mixed with sadness, followed. Kyoko started to realise the problem. "He is such an **idiot**!" Asuka yelled and threw a punch against – as Kyoko suspected – imaginary Shinji; then, she fell back, resigned, radiating anger. Kyoko kept her in her arms and hugged her tighter.

Kyoko felt torn. _'If I do anything more, and Ikari learns of it, I'll have an earful… not to mention, she may distrust me as reckless, too emotional. If I don't… I might never have this chance again…'_

She focused an image of herself whispering to Asuka's ear, trying to be as subtle as she can. "Talk to him, dear", she whispered the realisation she had a moment ago. "He is blind, not stupid. He doesn't see you like him."

Asuka suddenly radiated confusion, mixed with irritation, soon to be replaced by surprise and worry. "God, am I hearing voices now? Or…"

Kyoko withdrew carefully, leaving only a soft touch behind. _'I did all I could do here and now… I hope you're smart, my little daughter…'_

Asuka's worry has been replaced by hope. "I guess… I guess the best thoughts come in the darkness, right?" she spoke up. "I never really believed in dead watching over us… but if it was you, Mama… thank you." A wave of emotions hit Kyoko again, making her withdraw entirely. She wanted to cry, and once more she cursed the lack of this simple ability in a purportedly advanced organism like an Evangelion.

They both, mother and daughter, sat in the silence, introspecting.

...

An unknown time later, time that felt like an eternity, Kyoko felt an impulse; some auxiliary systems powered up on external order. "Unit-02, brace for impact!" came on the comm channel in the voice of their commander, Katsuragi; no image was visible. A second later Kyoko felt a sharp tug of her body.

"Hey! You! Careful! I'm a fair maiden, not a sack of potatoes!" Asuka yelled, startled and thrown off.

"Stop complaining, you'll be out soon", countered the voice.

"I feel… fine here", Asuka stated calmly, her voice carrying a hint of surprise. "I just don't like to be thrown around! If I feel it here, submerged, how brutal it must be to my Eva?" she pointed out with clear annoyance.

"There, there. Don't worry, no Evas will be hurt during the recovery" Katsuragi replied in a somehow tired voice and closed the channel. Asuka grumbled silently and reclined again. The peace and contemplative mood were gone, Kyoko noticed with sadness, but Asuka seemed to be happier.

And it was all that counted.

...

Kyoko suddenly felt a tug at her soul; it subsided quickly and was followed by all her Evangelion senses returning – at least those that usually operated while in her state. _'Still no vision, regrettably. Is this typical for the standard models, or is my body flawed?'_ Her thirst also abated – power was back.

She tried to connect with Unit-01, but Channel 8 was dead. _'She is either busy sorting out her damage, or they connected me first. No matter, I can wait.'_

Kyoko, despite just having been in battle and suffering damage, was feeling content, even happy. She had a chance to spend time with her daughter, surreptitious and imperfect it was, it was still time with her. She was looking forward to time with her… friend? Confidante? Ally? _'Well, that is something we will have to sort out… someday. With Ikari. Maybe I am fond of her just because she is the only human… well… the only person I can talk to. Well, doesn't matter. I could die any time, and she is good company-'_

A chill run down her spine when she realized she could have just summoned her strange companion with that thought about death; she braced herself for the unpleasant sensation.

Nothing came. No whispers. No voices. No cold. No fear.

' _Odd. Not that I don't welcome the peace…'_

Suddenly, she felt a familiar tug. _'Oh. Isn't that an invitation to Ikari Mansion…'_ she managed to think before-

...

Kyoko walked out from between the trees; she was no longer becoming disoriented when coming here, even if this time, Yui seemed to have pulled her more violently. _'Or was it a push? Strange'_ , she mused on that for a moment before turning back to feelings of this place.

' _It began to feel like… home? Am I living here now, with her?'_. A familiar silhouette loomed not too far away; Kyoko sped up to meet her. She noticed minor changes: a bush close to treeline was damaged, there was a bird feeder just past the line – but filled with cookies and other sweets instead of grain – and there was a small patch of scorched grass. _'Hm, something seems to be up… I will have to ask her about it. Likely some kind of joke she would smile on slyly and either explain or tell me to guess'_ , she smiled to herself.

Yui turned suddenly on the sound of steps, her face showing a large bruise, her eyes wary. A sharp fireplace poker in her hand was pointing at Kyoko. "Soryu?"

Kyoko blinked in abject surprise: "Yes? Who else?"

She looked around. There was more to it than just the bruise: Yui's dress was dishevelled, the table was in pieces, the cups were shattered, and the mansion was missing most of its window glass. "Ikari… what happened?"

Yui left a sigh of relief, dropped the poker, and spoke up, her voice mixing exasperation and dry wit, but her words turned Kyoko's face pale.

"Well. Why didn't you mention you have an evil twin?"

...

 **Author's notes**

For those interested in the story Yui told Kyoko: it is a parable, taken from "Prayer of the Frog, part one" by Anthony de Mello. I chose not to quote it entirely due to its length and uncertainty about copyright laws (the tale itself is ancient, but the version and commentary is not).

For detail-oriented readers, about battle with Matarael: I consciously decided to disregard the rather unexplainable scene when Pilots are sitting in their plug suits a overlooking the city; Evangelions are not in sight, and it is highly unlikely they would be able to sprint there, in their Evas, in the time they had left; while that scene is climatic, it is quite impossible. Thus, I chose to replace it with Asuka and Kyoko interaction.


	5. Chapter 5 - Face your fears

**Two Souls - chapter 5. – Face your fears**

.

Yui's bruise was fading, far faster than a real one would. She was also looking far less tense than a few moments ago when she was threatening to use the fireplace poker on Kyoko. That – and the fact that the poker has been stashed away – made Kyoko a little bit more at ease. Only a bit, though, as Yui was still looking rather stiff, her face still expressing wariness and worry. As much as the silence was growing increasingly awkward, Kyoko decided not to speak, instead immersing herself in the simple acts of fixing the damage the incident has caused.

Fixing the table was a matter of exerting Yui's will, so it was done quickly. Removing the glass shards from the floors was equally easy – for Kyoko it seemed as if the glass melted and was absorbed by the boards and carpets. Replacing the windows took only a little bit longer, as Yui did it one at a time. Kyoko watched her work with envy; the ease her host was rebuilding her internal world was something she wished for herself.

New dishes they brought by hand, taking them out from dusty cupboard one by one and carrying them to the table; they found some peace in this simple domestic activity. By that time, the silence between them has grown too heavy for Kyoko to bear.

"Ikari… I am sorry. I had no idea…" she broke it once they sat down at the garden table. "What has exactly happened? Why did you say: 'evil twin'? What-"

Yui raised her hand, gesturing Kyoko to stop. She took a deep breath, reached for a cup of tea, and took a sip. Her hands were no longer shaking, but she was obviously far from relaxed. "Well… I reached for you, a routine gesture right now – or so I thought." Yui's voice betrayed tension and she was not looking at Kyoko. "It felt less difficult than the last time, you were less… slippery, far easier to grasp. And you came, as expected."

Kyoko winced slightly hearing that. "You – her – looked a bit off then, your clothing somehow ragged and your hair kind of messy. But I thought nothing of it and welcomed you… but you did not answer. I addressed you again…" Yui paused and Kyoko clenched her jaw. "… and then your face contorted into one of a mad woman, a fury, you started screaming so loud that the glass shattered, and it started to hurt. I took a step towards you, and then you… well, then you gave me _this_ ", she touched the fading bruise. Kyoko winced again.

"Then your screams turned into something like 'die die die die' and you… well, not you, that woman, smashed the table with a vicious force more appropriate to a hulking man, not someone of your posture…" Yui paused and took another deep breath. "… and then she charged at me again. I regained enough composure to banish you – her – back to wherever she came from. And then, less than a minute later, you emerged from the woods." She focused her gaze on Kyoko. "Initially, I thought I failed to banish the banshee, or that I succeeded but she came back… but then you spoke normally, and here we are", she finished with a sigh.

Kyoko could find no words. _'What? A deranged version of me? How? Some 'id' pulled from the depths? Some trauma? Or…'_

She paled once more, and the chill started to creep up her spine. The teacup dropped on the table, somehow avoiding shattering into pieces.

' _Voices. Whispers. Vile thoughts, suicidal thoughts, the palpable presence…'_

"Oh. Gott. Natürlich", she hid her face in her hands. "I'm so sorry, Ikari. I should've told you. I thought it was just me, just my imagination… I thought…", a sob escaped her throat. She tried to say more; the words became lost between a desperate attempt not to burst into tears.

"Soryu", a whisper reached her, soft but clear, strangely calming. "I can fix things here, it is all just superficial damage and, well, it is my creation anyway… but if there is something important you want to tell me, **please do it** " Yui insisted. "Right now."

Kyoko took a deep breath and held it for a moment; she tried to breath out calmly, but all she released was another sob.

"I…", she shook her head, her eyes still closed. _'Great. Now I'm giving a display of a broken mess in front of her. Just wonderful…'_ She clenched her jaw again and breathed in through the teeth. The breath out was ragged, but a little bit calmer.

"Slowly, Soryu", Yui's voice reached her, focused now instead of tense. "Tell me. I am **not** going to harm you. I know it was not you who attacked me." The voice was not perfectly calm, but in comparison to Kyoko's, it was positively tranquil. "But it did come instead of you, and it did wear your face. Thus, I must conclude, it is related to you somehow" Yui's voice continued to be the guiding light in the turmoil that reigned in Kyoko's head. "If it is a threat to you, we will handle it. But I must know **exactly** what we are dealing with."

Kyoko focused more on the tone than on the words. It seemed to work, somehow. She kept breathing. It seemed to work as well. She was starting to calm down.

...

On the other side of the table, Yui Ikari was doing her best to exercise patience. She wanted to know what is going on, but she also perfectly knew that a single wrong word or any sign of impatience may send her interlocutor running or make her curl into a ball, spikes out. So she waited, despite herself.

"I…", Kyoko tried again, her breath calmer. "I heard them. In the times between, when you sent me… back", she confessed in a shaky voice. Yui slowly reached to touch Kyoko's hand, but stopped mid-way, conflict visible on her face. Kyoko did not even notice. "They… the voices… the **voice** , it speaks of…", Kyoko's voice got louder, then broke down.

The wind was the only thing heard for a while. Then, Kyoko tried to speak up once more. "It hates me. It tells me to die, repeatedly, it- it tells me to kill myself, it wants **Asuka** to die, as well… it wants us to… to… to 'die together'…"

She opened her eyes slowly and realised with some surprise her vision was blurry. She blinked several times only to become aware of the tears running down her cheeks. Her breath became uneven and ragged again. "I… I'm sorry, Ikari" she managed to blurt out between sobs. _'_ _Wirklich; schöne, verfluchte Sauerei bin ich_ _…'_

Next thing she knew, she was on her feet, running.

...

 _Elsewhere_

Doctor Ritsuko Akagi had always been a night owl – partially by her innate hatred towards mornings, partially by habit, and partially by the fact that at night, there was no one around to disrupt her research. She hated being interrupted and at night, NERV was a place of quiet.

She has also been a genius – that she never hid but also tried not to rub it into people's faces. After all, it was obvious to anyone smart enough, and her achievements in her fields were unparalleled. She could write books – if she had time – or a subordinate she could use – to do that. And, of course, if half her work was not labelled 'United Nations, Top Secret'.

The doctor was also a workaholic – this she vehemently denied, despite mounting evidence and overtime that easily made her job double-time. The fact she had to patch – she refused to call it a hack, it was too simple to deserve that term – the NERV worktime control system that kept sending her reminders to go home did not prove anything in her eyes. She simply considered it a dedication to the cause of saving humanity.

And there she was, with the night still young, carefully analysing another batch of data from the last Evangelion fight. The data were interesting for several reasons: the battle was a short one, Units ran entirely on batteries, and for the first time, all three of them were deployed – all this amounted to new conditions, new data, and possibly – new insights. It only needed her time, her genius, and her dedication to making use of them. Therefore, she gave all three in abundance.

Maya has been insistent on helping her, but while her assistance has proven invaluable on many matters, this was something she had to crack alone. Thus, she sent her kouhai home before 22:00 (with an insistence on her taking a taxi and paying her fare in advance), made herself another coffee, set all systems except the Angel alarm on silent, and got to work that was supposed to take most of the night.

...

 _Inside Unit-01_

Kyoko's vision was clouded; she was running virtually blind. Brambles were slowing her down, branches were hitting her body, she kept brushing against the trees. Is she stopped for a moment, she would realise her dress was already in tatters from the sharpness of the thorns and roughness of the bark.

She heard a distant voice but paid it no heed. There were words, yelled. She could not understand them.

Getting away from sight, staying away from the only person that has ever seen her in this broken state, keeping out of sight the only woman she now cared about, hiding until she recovered – it was all that mattered.

Thus, she kept running, paying no heed to the damage she was suffering from the environment.

...

Yui Ikari was sitting in her chair with a teacup in her hand and perplexed expression. She blinked slowly and took a deep breath.

Several seconds later, she let the breath out and blinked once more.

"Well. This is new." She stated to no one in particular. The only person that could hear her has just jumped up with strength and dynamics that sent her chair back a few meters and dashed towards the treeline. Yui was still able to make out her silhouette between the trees, but it was not to last.

It seemed like Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu was on her way to establishing a new speed record in sprint running in the 'disembodied soul' category. Not that there was anyone to record it here, except Yui Ikari.

She finally put the teacup down, rose to her feet, sighed with resignation, and set out to find her guest.

...

"Soryu? Are you there? Soryu?" Yui raised her voice once she entered the forest. "Earth to base Zeppelin, do you copy?"

There was no answer this time.

Finding the path Kyoko took was easy, although 'path' would be a heavy understatement; she simply cut through the foliage – and she left an easily followed trail of broken branches and stripes of cloth hanging from them. Yui could not help but admire her – friend? companion? – tenacity. This has been some dense bush.

Yui suddenly stopped. She knew this place: she created it, after all. This area was not supposed to be passable – this was a dense wall of thorny bushes, something she created as a filler, without giving much attention to detail. They were still thorny, yes, but they all seemed to have been moved to the sides – just as if something literally replanted them in new places.

"Oh. My. I wonder…"

She looked further down the path, and her heart sped up. It looked even worse: some trees were moved out of the way as well. Finding Kyoko suddenly had higher stakes than just comforting her.

It could mean a difference between having a mildly redecorated mindscape – and the need to rebuild it from scratch.

...

 _Elsewhere_

The clock in the lab was showing 00:25 when the Unit-02 monitor display turned yellow, then red. Soon after, monitors of Unit-01 entered the yellow range as well. The alerts were properly displayed – along with an icon of a slashed loudspeaker.

Doctor Ritsuko Akagi kept working in the peace she loved so much.

...

Kyoko kept running. Random thoughts were running through her head, none of them too coherent, perhaps except a detached voice telling her that hitting a tree or getting tangled in some thorns would not be a good thing. Fortunately for her, she seemed to have found some path through the trees and was not hitting anything; even the onslaught of thorns had ceased.

She kept running even when her lungs started to burn. Some stray thought told her this sensation could not be real, that it had to be a psychosomatic reaction… but she gave up on trying to make sense of working of her "body" here a while ago. She slowed down and tried to shake off the haze surrounding her mind.

' _Wonderful, really great run, congratulations Soryu, you certainly broke_ _ **some**_ _record. For instance, a record in making yourself look like a complete idiot in front of the single person who could take you seriously… some fine specimen of a human be-'_

A sudden loss of inertia, accompanied by splitting pain and sudden dizziness, has stopped her thoughts – and Kyoko herself – in their tracks. A single tree – a large oak – seemingly refused to yield to her unconscious desire not to hit anything.

She stumbled back, trying to regain her footing and orient herself. Both attempts ended in abject failure: with her balance lost and a lot of kinetic energy left from the collision, Kyoko's body decided to take a seat in the most convenient place available: right where she stood, in front of the tree. She dropped to the ground down rather abruptly, right on her buttocks; she managed not to fall on her back only by last-moment use of her hands. Her head was spinning hard, and she absentmindedly noticed something starting to obscure her vision – and sting a little. She ran her hand over her forehead and stared at it when it came down wet – and dark red.

"Oh."

...

Yui Ikari was running down the freshly-cleared path, her heart beating fast. The landscape was still around her, not turning to shreds and taters, and that gave her hope that the damage was not all that serious. _'Still, any second, she may think something wrong, and then…'_ she shuddered. _'Not to mention, even I don't know what will happen when she reaches the border of the mindscape… There is a fence there, but I'm not betting on it stopping her. Stupid me, not removing the access rights'_ , she chided herself.

She reached the top of a small hill that for some reason was not levelled by Kyoko's rampage. Staring down the path, she made out a figure – and saw the trees move aside from her. Kyoko was easily several hundred meters further down the forest.

' _There is no chance in frozen hell I can reach her this way…'_ Yui realised. _'She'll reach the fence, and pierce it like a hot knife through butter, and then… I don't even know what then.'_

A thought struck her, brilliant in its simplicity. She focused.

' _Just the same one I was sitting under… listening to Teacher's tales…'_

A huge oak tree appeared from nowhere right at the path of Kyoko's run. Yui held it in place with all her will.

Moments later, the runaway guest was running no more but chose to take a seat in the foliage instead. Yui could not discern too well what was happening in the distance but knew well that a person in Kyoko's state should not be alone. Taking only a short moment to recover her composure after exerting her will so suddenly and with that force, she rushed down the path.

She almost reached her before she heard a very disturbing sound from the direction she was heading to.

...

' _Wasn't this supposed to be inside of me?_ ' Kyoko mused. She was distinctly aware that this red liquid was not supposed to come out of the body too often, not more often than every few weeks. _'I can't remember when was the last time I bled, though, I guess it was before I became a… soul.'_

Despite some headache, burning feeling in her lungs, pain in muscles, and a general feeling of exhaustion, Kyoko was feeling better than before the run. Her worries and her confusion felt as if they were behind a wall, or at least not too visible behind the fog that surrounded her. She felt… good. Tired, exhausted, pumped with adrenaline, bleeding, and still horrified by the revelation she experienced… and now horribly embarrassed by what she just did.

Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu reacted in a single possible way she could react to this wonderful combo.

She threw her head back started to laugh loudly.

...

Several meters from Kyoko, Yui Ikari stopped rather suddenly and blinked in a mix of confusion and terror. The person sitting in front of the great oak certainly wore the face of Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu: there was no doubt about it.

But she was also dressed in tattered remnants of a Regency dress with a fair amount of period-appropriate underwear showing between the torn fabric, her face was covered in fresh blood that was still seeping from her head, and she was cackling like a maniac, her eyes bulged and face hysterical.

She did not exactly resemble the lady Yui was used to be having her tea with. She was looking eerily similar to one that assaulted her, to one she banished not long ago. Yui pondered the situation for a long moment.

Then she took a step forward.

"Soryu?"

For a moment, she feared the disturbing figure in front of her would simply turn her head 180° to look at her. To her relief – and surprise – Kyoko merely stopped the manic cackle and fell on her back before focusing her eyes on Yui. It helped to ease the worrying impression only to a small degree, though.

"Yees, Ikaaarii?" she asked with a smile that looked disturbing both by its nature and by the virtue of being upside-down. "How can I heelp you? I apoooologise for my appearance. I think I ran into **some** trouble" Kyoko stated with a strangely cheerful voice. _'At least she doesn't sound like the banshee… not right, yes, but at least it's not a demented scream… Small blessings.'_

Yui slowly took another step towards Kyoko. The first diagnosis she thought of 'she hit her head and is now confused, likely in shock'. The problem was this was her mindscape, and Kyoko was a disembodied soul in a shell that only superficially resembled a human body. On the other hand, they were keeping up the pretence of having normal bodies… so she might have even convinced herself she was injured.

' _I think I overdid it with the immersion… and I should've used a net instead of a huge oak tree'_ , Yui realised. The hindsight was, as usual, perfect.

"Taake a seat, Ikaaari. There's pleenty of place foor us boooth under this tree", Kyoko continued with the same worrying expression. "I wondeer where it came from?" she refocused her gaze on the oak for a moment. Yui – who had just circled Kyoko and was standing in front of her now – decided that being upside-down did not affect the smile too much: it was pretty disturbing on its own. Still, she ignored that tiny voice that told her to run; Kyoko was the reason she came here, after all, and she seemed to be herself… even if she a little bit off right now. _'Well, more than a little, I guess…'_

"Soryu… are you all right?" Yui asked, only to bite her tongue in realisation this was most likely the dumbest question she ever asked, topping even 'are you sure this is reasonably safe?' asked while she was climbing to Eva Core.

"Fine. Fine and daaandy, Ikaari", Kyoko replied with the same cheerful voice. "I just… I… ran away from the altar, was brutally beaten down by a tree, and…" she grit her teeth and a far more determined, grim voice took over. "And I think I am going insane. Fine and dandy, as always, no reason to worry about me at all."

...

Kyoko tried to keep talking, but she found her throat clenched and uncooperative. She shut her eyes tight, feeling tears pooling.

' _Hello, darkness, my old friend…'_

A warm hand suddenly grasping her own jolted her back to reality. Her own skin was cold; the hand touching her felt like red-hot steel, burning every nerve. For a moment, her reflexes told her to bolt, to run again, to hide somewhere. She pushed this reaction down with notable effort of will and squeezed the burning hand instead. Her eyes, still shut, filled with tears even faster.

"Ikari…" she all managed to get out through the clenched throat.

"Shhhh… don't speak, Soryu. Just… breathe" Yui's voice was barely above a whisper.

...

Yui was not exactly skilled in assisting injured people, not beyond first aid training anyone working in a high-risk laboratory would be – she simply knew how to keep someone alive until the paramedics arrived, but she was not exactly knowledgeable on how to fix the physical damage she saw. On the other hand, she was capable of influencing the local environment in an almost unlimited number of ways, so she did the simplest thing she could think of: she produced a bowl of warm water and a soft cloth. She then put them to use, slowly and in a slightly awkward manner; using one hand limited her agility, but she was quite aware that Kyoko would not let go of her other hand.

...

Kyoko relished in the careful touch and the prolonged silence; it gave her a measure of comfort, something to focus on to avoid thinking of what just happened. Her breath was slowly returning to normal. Nonetheless, the pooled tears kept trickling through corners of her eyes, seeping into the ground. Her jaw remained clenched as well, and her hands were slowly and involuntarily curling into fists.

' _I mustn't run away…'_

...

It was 3:24. Doctor Ritsuko Akagi just finished debugging the last script she intended to process the battle data with. She ran the final check on the test data, sighed contently when the results came back passable, and uploaded the code to the mainframe. Few typed commands later, the script was running, its output redirected to a file; with the mainframe's processing power, all the scripts should provide result by noon.

She stretched and yawned. The final part of the work was done on pure determination, as she ran out of the coffee an hour ago. All she wanted now was to go to bed. She even entertained a thought of sleeping in a bit and late in the morning.

Reaching the door, she turned the lights off and took the last look at the room's screens; she was perfectly familiar with each single of them, able to notice most details at a glance even when tired or distracted. And yet, she stood in the doorway for a good few seconds before a short, loud curse cut the air as she rushed to the Cages monitoring station.

...

An eternity passed from Kyoko's perspective. The hand holding her own and burning her skin, the softest touch cleaning her wound, the sudden peace of the forest – she clung to all of this for relief, for assurance. It almost worked.

"Soryu…" a soft voice came in the darkness, a familiar voice, a caring voice. "Can you hear me? Can you understand me?"

Her eyes were still closed, and she had difficulty speaking up, as if some force was holding her lips shut. But she could nod.

"Good" the voice was focused. "I… Can you rise? Sit?"

An outside listener would have easily noticed that the calm in Yui's voice sounded forced. But Kyoko was in no condition to make that observation; she was focused on her own state. She pondered her condition for a moment. She was not exactly in pain, she merely felt dizzy, a little bit exhausted, more than a bit stupid – and somewhat sore. Therefore, she saw no reason not to try to sit up.

The sudden increase in dizziness, not to mention amount of effort this simple step took made her realise that this was not the best idea: she was exhausted far more than just a little bit. The only thing that stopped her from falling back was the supporting arm at her back. "I… I-Ikari… I'm not…" she managed to stutter out in a strange, husky voice.

Something touched her lips, something cold and wet. It took her a moment of frozen bewilderment to realise this was water. Cold, wonderfully tasting liquid filled her mouth; she knew that drinking greedily would end badly, but she could not stop herself. Few coughs and gasps later, she managed to actually drink.

"You'll be fine, I promise. Take your time, and when you're ready, I'll take you home" Yui's soft and calming voice kept talking from the darkness.

She rolled the idea in her head. "Home…"

...

The high activity alerts were still there, waiting for someone's attention, silent as they were for the last three hours. Ritsuko suddenly felt very cold – the facts were quickly burning paths in her consciousness: she just missed something serious about Evangelions, and possibly even dangerous. She has just made a very basic mistake, a mistake that would certainly be a firing offence in her team.

Her first thought was to erase any trace of the alarms – she was MAGI's admin, she knew the system intimately, she could do it. This thought was followed by several other: the logical _'to do that would mean losing the information'_ , the emotional _'that's coward's thinking'_ , the pragmatic _'if this stays on the record, Commander may have my head',_ and socially-motivated _'and I will never be able to keep my own in line'_. As those thoughts raced, a calm voice of the reason told her to act with accord with the scientific method: gather more information and make an informed choice based on the results. The morning shift did not start in two and half an hour: plenty of time to decide and execute the decision.

As a woman of science and reason, she listened to that voice; she decided to investigate, by herself, in the middle of the night, in the dark Cages that held the most horrifying creatures that humanity has ever created. After all, there was nothing to fear there. The monsters were asleep.

...

The sun was slowly setting over the mansion, still visible over the treeline, but close to sinking beneath it. Two silhouettes were visible on a path that looked like a creation of an insane garden designer who somehow managed to force the trees to grow against their nature – far too close, their branches intertwined, their coronas tangled. From a distance, the two figures looked normal in comparison: two ladies taking a casual stroll.

But if the observing party came closer, a slightly different image would be painted. They indeed were walking with their arms locked, but this was only to prevent one of them from falling. Their dresses also left a lot to wish for in terms of their condition: one had hers soiled with earth and some blood – and the other had her nearly destroyed, and what was left of it was bloody and dirty. They were walking carefully, step by step, trying their best not to make any sudden movements.

Kyoko was aware of the world around her once again; the moment she decided it is a good idea to open her eyes, she saw Yui's face – focused, worried, with her lips tight. This expression was quickly replaced by a small smile. Kyoko did her best to reply in kind.

They took to the path Kyoko created, trying to ignore the damage she caused. After a while, Kyoko began to perceive the silence as increasingly awkward, unpleasant, unwanted.

"Ikari…" Kyoko began, her voice husky. She cleared her throat. "I… I was wondering about a thing", she managed when they were close to the end of the forest.

"Mm? What is it?"

"This", she pointed out to a bird feeder that stood just between the first trees, barely visible from the grass field. "I thought it was some glitch when I came here today, and I wanted to ask you about it, but then…" she paused with a sigh. "Then things started to happen. Why is it here… and why are cookies in it?"

Yui stopped. In a corner of her eye, Kyoko noticed her ears turning red. Suddenly, she felt guilty for some unfathomable reason.

"Soryu… I'll explain later. I promise. Now, let's get home and get us- get you settled down. I'm afraid things may get worse if we don't."

Kyoko blinked for a moment, then relented, too tired to press on. "Of course, Ikari", she smiled weakly.

She missed the discreet sigh of relief.

...

Ritsuko Akagi entered the Cages pushing the hastily-assembled cart of monitoring equipment. She was aware that without her kouhai to assist her, this was going to be an arduous task – but this could not wait until Maya's arrival, not if she wanted to have answers for the Commander in the morning. And she was sure he would learn sooner or later if she did not erase the records meticulously.

The Cages were dark, as usual. Lighting such space all the time would be expensive, after all, and very little happened here outside experiments, maintenance, and combat deployments. Only sources of light were the red and orange lines, designed to mark the potentially dangerous spots.

' _If they were to be truthful, the whole room should be glowing a megawatt orange light from all walls'_ , a bitter thought struck her. _'We treat those beasts as they were our tanks, our battle machines, while in truth, they are alien gods, half-lobotomised and held on a tight leash. Gods help us if they ever awake from their slumber and learn how to bite that leash off…'_

She approached Unit-02 and began to unload her equipment. In the heavy, cold silence that permeated the Cages, another whispered curse cut the air: the readings were back to normal. Whatever anomaly caused it was most likely long gone, a chance to investigate it missed.

' _I don't know what I was counting on'_ , she sighed, exposing more of the core and attaching additional equipment. The initial readings confirmed the preliminary scan: the monster was asleep. Whatever nightmare plagued it was over; it seemed even more docile than usual.

Ritsuko started a pre-programmed diagnostic cycle and sat on the ground with a heavy sigh, her back against the Unit-02 foot. _'I could use a cigarette now'_ , she sighed, realising she left the pack on the desk and at the same time feeling the adrenaline rush from the alerts release its grasp on her. As it receded, weariness was the only thing that remained.

The diagnostic system kept beeping softly, signalling successive steps on the checklist; it calmed her, somewhat, as a familiar sound should. Ritsuko closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

...

Kyoko Soryu was comfortable; she was lying on a soft surface, dressed in simple and comfortable clothing, covered by a warm blanket that smelled of freshness. She was dimly aware of what situation brought her here, but it all seemed rather distant. She was aware there were decisions to make, problems to solve, battles to fight… but it did not matter at the moment. The ceiling was not very familiar, but it was in a familiar style, a style used by the place she was slowly coming to think of as home. Familiar, homely sounds of clanking cutlery reached her. _'Must be Ikari… did she arrange all this?'_ she pondered. _'If so, I wonder why does she care about me so much…'_

She smiled to herself. Whatever the reason, it felt good.

...

 _Indistinct shapes coalesce in the darkness. She is running, but she cannot tell where to… or what from. The stairs, endless stairs, steps, doors, stairs, hallways, stairs…_

 _It is getting darker and darker, she can barely make out what is in front of her. Suddenly, she notices the floor ending abruptly, she hits a waist-high barrier. In the darkness before her, two pairs of green eyes light up._

...

A sudden jolt brought Ritsuko Akagi to consciousness; her heart was racing and her mind was confused. It took her a few long seconds to realise she was still in the Cages. She blinked the sleep away, rose groggily, and gazed at the diagnostic system. Automated diagnosis sequence confirmed previous two scans: there was nothing going on inside: the monster was sleeping a dreamless sleep. Reminding herself of the last shreds of the dream, she looked up; the head of Unit-02 loomed in the darkness, inactive, its eyes perfectly dark. She shivered, half from the memory, half from the actual cold. There was little reason to keep the Cages heated.

She knew she should change the connections and run another sequence, and then another, and then another… all this to perform a full diagnostic, to make sure there was nothing left. Then, move to Unit-01 and do the same. Then, to be sure and get some measure of baseline readings, move to Unit-00 and…

She shook her head tiredly and disconnected the wiring from the Core. Restoring its shielding followed several minutes later. The single sequence would have to do – after all, her only real chance to observe the anomaly was lost. She gritted her teeth once more.

Once the whole diagnostic equipment was back in the cart, she pushed it to the neighbouring Cage. Unit-01 awaited her attention.

...

"Hello Soryu, welcome among the living once more", Yui Ikari entered the living room with a tray filled with food – pound cake, toast, butter, and eggs suddenly made Kyoko realise she was still feeling a little weak – and certainly hungry. The internal doubts on how was that possible when she was a soul embodied in a giant alien cyborg were shoved aside once more in face of a possible feast. She smiled at Yui and rose from her bed. A half-conscious check – and a look down – reassured her she was decent enough for the occasion. Having removed the worry about scandalising her host from her mind, she rushed to the table.

Yui set the tray down between them. "I am happy to see you better, Soryu" she spoke up, smiling a soft smile. "I was… worried yesterday."

Kyoko blinked. "Yesterday? Was I…"

Yui shook her head. "Metaphorically. Day/night cycle, just as time here, is just part of the mindscape. I let your local body rest… while your actual body was poked and prodded."

Kyoko stopped chewing on a delicious toast and stared at Yui with a confused expression. Yui chuckled, prompting a slightly hurt look from Kyoko.

"I'm sorry", Yui said in an amused voice. "You don't look very… intelligent now. I'm sorry", she collected herself while Kyoko resumed consumption. "There is something happening in the Cages, and judging from the fact that currently, my Core is being exposed and probed… I assume we did draw attention with the recent events."

Kyoko's expression, quite cheerful until now, turned dark. "You mean, with my freak-out and brutal remodelling of your garden?" she asked in a half half-brooding, half-bitter voice.

Yui sighed softly. "Soryu", she started, then paused. "Garden, or actually the forest, can be fixed. You survived, I survived, we are fine. Judging from doctor Akagi's face and apparent mood, she didn't find much from poking and prodding your Core. It stands to reason that the readings were rather flat when you were asleep."

Kyoko nodded, not sure what to say. She took another bite.

"So, I think this time, we got lucky. It could've been much worse" Yui continued. "And for what it is worth… I am sorry", Yui finished, looking Kyoko straight in the eye.

Kyoko blinked. "For… what?" she asked, confusion in her voice.

Yui shook her head. "I… For misunderstanding. For almost getting you killed. For causing this… attention", she replied in almost a whisper.

' _She's not saying everything she wants to…'_ Kyoko realised. She was no expert on psychology, but it seemed clear even to her. ' _Maybe if I poke a bit…'_

She stopped herself just before reaching to Yui, reminding herself there was a scientist with some quite sensitive equipment right at Yui's Core; any emotional spike could arouse suspicion and cause serious damage.

"Apology… accepted, Ikari. Even if I insist there is nothing to be sorry for."

Yui smiled. "Thank you", she replied in a soft voice and reached for the teapot.

"Tea?"

"With pleasure."

...

The diagnostic sequence on Unit-01 took far too long for Ritsuko's taste. Of course, this was objectively incorrect – the sequences took a fixed amount of time, barring minor variances – but subjectively it felt like an eternity.

She was doing her best not to fall asleep – a chance of another nightmare was too great. Not that staying awake was much better – Ritsuko was quickly becoming aware how thin the veneer of rationalism she clung to was.

Purely on the rational level, she knew all the creaks she heard were countless metal joints contracting and relaxing from temperature changes. She was aware the soft rattles coming from air ducts were most likely sounds of maintenance crews, amplified by the system – or some small animal that has strayed into the facility and tried to find its way out. She could tell that a hiss that doubled her heart rate for a few seconds and made her feel really stupid came from a routine pressure reduction in Cage frame mobility system.

Purely on the rational level, her mind could tell that. But this was not a time or place where the rational part of her mind reigned supreme. The barely lit room was ominous, and every sound could be a threat. Her lizard brain was screaming at her to _run_. The fact that she felt watched by Unit-01, against all logic, against all she knew about this slumbering giant – did not help.

She welcomed the final _beep_ of the sequence with a loud sigh; the fact that nothing was found was welcomed with a mix of subdued anger at herself and deep relief. Disconnecting the equipment and re-armouring she did in record time. After a few minutes, the silent sound of the cart tires was indicating Ritsuko's departure.

Unit-01 would smile if she would be able to. Its soul certainly felt like it.

...

"You're quite happy, considering the circumstances, Ikari", Kyoko remarked while cracking a soft-boiled egg open. "Not that I mind, of course, just wondering why."

"Ah", Yui smiled. "I think we'll have… less visits from our dear Dr Akagi from now on. I think she might even develop a minor phobia regarding our bodies."

Kyoko blinked, silver spoon in her hand. "What?"

"Never mind", Yui smile widened as she reached for the pound cake. "The inspection is over and wasn't even a full diagnostic cycle. I wonder what she will tell my widower in the morning", she chuckled.

Kyoko frowned, then shook her head. "Ikari… hearing you call him 'your widower' is still strange."

"Well… it's not a label people use under normal circumstances, of course, but I find it the most fitting. After all, I am sort-of dead, thus he is sort-of widowed. I know, I know, he used to talk to me, but many people monologue at their loved ones' graves, right?" Yui finished with a smile that was slightly out of place considering the subject.

"Well… if you put it that way…" Kyoko chuckled.

...

It was 5:45 when Ritsuko Akagi finished acting on the information she collected. It took her less than an hour to collect the – incomplete, but still useful – data from Unit-02 and Unit-01. Using them to confirm nothing was happening anymore took mere minutes. But making a decision was not that quick, nor was it painless.

She did purge the logs, only to restore them from a manual backup she made. She was half-way in ensuring she restored it correctly when she decided to purge them again. And restore them once more. Then, she took a ten-minute break to scream internally. Then, she purged the logs once more and took another ten-minutes pause to berate herself her own lack of spine.

Then she restored them again, before taking a final pause, rationalising that admitting this error would benefit absolutely no one and she has to keep it silent for the good of the project. Then, she deleted the manual backup and combed the system logs properly for the records in both primary and the control logs, erased every single indicator and replaced them with ALL NORMAL indicators in appropriate intervals, with timestamps that had millisecond lags appropriate to the time of the day. The records that indicated that alerts were silenced disappeared as well.

The diagnostic equipment was simpler, and thus quicker, to take care of – she simply deleted the most recent session from them without ever connecting them to MAGI; those things did not have redundant storage.

Once done, she left a note to her staff, informing them that she will be coming to the work late tomorrow due to specific circumstances concerning the MAGI; after all she had done, this was not even a lie. At the end of the note, she added a request not to wake her unless there was an Angel attack. The fact that the note had a MAGI-confirmed timestamp of 5:53 added to its believability.

Back in her NERV-provided apartment, Ritsuko Akagi was silencing the gnawing of her conscience with a heavy dose of liquor. She was dimly aware that drinking a 12-year old whisky just to get drunk was wasteful, but this was the least of her sins and errors today.

She was glad her apartment was soundproofed. Otherwise, someone could get an impression Geofront really was haunted.

...

Kyoko smiled at her reflection. One thing she learned to influence without much problem was her attire – it was simple enough, and she had some idea how tailoring worked – contrary to, for example, how exactly a forest should act.

This is why the task she was presented mere minutes later, a deceptively simple one, felt somehow daunting.

"I am to do… what?" she asked, a hint of panic in her voice.

"Move the trees back where they belong. More or less, of course, this is not an exercise in minute precision", Yui smiled at her.

They were back in the spot where yesterday chase began, at the treeline. A path of forcibly moved trees started nearby, an unpleasant reminder of her loss of control.

"Are you sure this is safe?" she inquired.

Yui sighed. "Soryu, there is nothing you should worry about. If something goes wrong, don't panic, I will correct it."

"Should we not be looking for a way to… fix my… problem?" she tried.

"We will", Yui replied with angelic patience. "But to do that, I must make sure your control over the environment is sufficient in a normal emotional state as well", she sighed. "I promise you, once we are done here – and no, I am not going to make you fix the whole path, this is not a punishment, this is an exercise – I will tell you how we may try to fix you. Trust me. Please." The last word was almost a whisper.

Kyoko nodded, lacking a counterargument to such a request. She took a few steps towards the shifted trees. _'I did this effortlessly last time. How hard can it be?'_ she pondered and focused on the trees.

...

It was 11:30 in the NERV HQ. The day was as any other, except some people wondered why Doctor Ritsuko Akagi was absent. Those that dared to ask questions were pointed to the note Ritsuko left and list of processes user akagir left running on the MAGI.

Nothing unusual was happening, and the lack of their superior – not to mention absence of Commander Ikari – was causing a surprisingly relaxed atmosphere.

This came to an abrupt end when seismic alerts indicated something happening south of India.

...

Yui Ikari slowly opened one eye. She expected to see a wide range of things, starting with 'no change' to 'massive conglomeration of trees with Soryu's body embedded in them'. What she did not expect was to see a tree moved to the middle of the path and Kyoko slowly circling it, as if looking for something.

"Soryu?" she probed.

"Ah. Yes", Kyoko snapped back. "I think it worked. I'm not sure it's the right spot, though."

Yui blinked. "No matter, it's not a… garden design… can you reproduce that result?" she inquired, interest clear in her voice.

"I… believe so. But please stand back. I'd rather not hit you in the face with a tree", Kyoko smiled.

A blush crept up Yui's face. She could not find a reply to that, so she just took a step back, keeping her eyes open this time.

Kyoko was focusing visibly, but no tree moved for a full minute. Yui closed her eyes and sighed deeply. This was not going well, to her regret.

"Finally, this one was far harder", she heard Kyoko's voice.

Yui's eyes shot open. Another tree was indeed in its correct place. A strange thought appeared in her mind.

"Soryu. I want to test a hypothesis. Could you start moving the trees, once you succeed, move to the next one, until I ask you to stop?"

Kyoko blinked. "Sure… but if I drop of exhaustion, I am counting on your soft hand in caring for me", she requested with a smile.

Yui's blush returned. Fortunately for her, Kyoko has already turned her attention back to the task at hand. Yui shook her head. It was time to test her hypothesis. She focused on the trees.

Nothing moved. She closed her eyes, counted to ten, and reopened them.

Two trees were in different places. She counted to ten again, while nothing moved, and then closed them once more.

When she opened them about a minute later, far more trees were in place, but Kyoko was leaning against one of them.

"Soryu, are you all right?" she rushed to her.

"Yes…" she replied with heavy breath. "Just winded. This takes more out of me than I thought. I guess you're more… experienced, or it's just the result of this being your place", she commented between breaths.

Yui shook her head. "It took me countless days to create all this, you know. You can stop now, I know all I need to know about your abilities. And I think this changes my idea a little bit."

Kyoko looked at her quizzically. "Could you elaborate?"

"Over tea and crumpets, all right?"

"No protest from me here", Kyoko smiled.

...

"Now that's just ridiculous", Misato Katsuragi added, staring at the screen presenting a large, three-eyed shape in orbit. "Where's Ritsuko? I could use her expertise here."

"She requested not to be disturbed unless there is an Angel attack, ma'am", Hyuga reported.

"I don't know about you, but I think this condition has been fulfilled…" Misato replied in a dry voice, her eyes still glued to the screen. Hyuga nodded sheepishly and rushed to the intercom station.

"Closing on target", a report came in.

Seconds later, two of the observation satellites turned to shreds.

...

Yui Ikari poured the tea and handed the cup to her guest. This term was slowly starting to become inaccurate, of course, as Kyoko spent far more time in Unit-01 than in her own… but Yui preferred not to think about it too much.

"And now, Soryu, please describe everything you experienced in your Unit. I must have a complete image before I suggest something that might very well result in your demise. Take your time, I know this is not an easy subject."

Kyoko winced at the memories that were evoked by the first thought about what was inside Unit-02. "Yes, Ikari, of course. I will try my best." She took a deep breath. "It began soon after you sent me back the first time after we met…"

...

Ritsuko Akagi stumbled in the doorway leading to the command centre. The lights were definitely too bright, and the sounds were positively murderous.

"Akagi-sempai, are you all right?" Maya noticed her and rushed to aid her.

"I'm fin-I'm fine, don't worry", she replied in a weak voice.

"Sempai, you sleep far too little", Maya whispered in a disapproving voice. "You-"

"I look like shit, I know", Ritsuko replied acidly. "What's going on?"

"I-" Maya stammered.

"Report", Ritsuko cut Maya's reply attempt.

"An Angel has appeared above the Indian Ocean and is dropping… things… on the surface. And it's coming closer." Misato interjected, turning towards Ritsuko. A moment of surprise on Misato's face, followed by the short visage of anger, followed by a perfectly professional mask of composure told Ritsuko everything she needed to know about her own appearance – and scale of her failure.

' _Great. I wonder what else will go wrong today'_ was her last thought before she focused on the situation at hand.

...

Yui Ikari contemplated what she just heard in silence.

"So, there is another… presence, perhaps another soul in your Unit", she finally concluded.

Kyoko nodded, her face still focused. "It is certainly a presence; it speaks my voice, and it looks like me, but this could be just a projection, a reflection. I'm not sure about it being a soul. I'm here, aren't I? Or maybe… Could it be that my Contact Experiment, well, cloned my soul somehow?"

Yui shook her head. "As far as I know, souls cannot be cloned, at least not easily. Just as you cannot accidentally clone a human or an Evangelion, right? Even if you leave a growing cell cluster in a nourishing solution, without proper guidance and added stimuli it will just grow into a useless lump of flesh. Cloning is a complex, unnatural and thus difficult process. No. Whatever it is, it might have simply taken a semblance of you, it might be a doppelgänger of sorts. But why, and how, this is beyond me."

"Could it be some shard, a piece of my mind? I'm not a psychologist, but could it be a form of… schizophrenia?"

"Multiple personalities, if we'd be talking actual mental illness", Yui corrected. "But I find this unlikely. Unless it **was** you, and you just don't remember being here yesterday."

Kyoko shook her head. "I know people can experience a blackout like that, but I don't think there is anything that would trigger it… on the other hand… I don't know, Ikari. I really don't know", she sighed. "I'm sorry."

She felt a touch on her hand again. "Soryu. I said I will help you, and I will. Now. We are both scientists, right?" Kyoko nodded in reply; Yui continued. "And this is a problem to solve. It does not matter that it is essentially supernatural – metaphysical biology made supernatural measurable and quantifiable… more or less. So, what do we do?" she smiled.

Kyoko blinked. "We approach it in a scientific way. Is that what you have in mind?"

Yui smile grew wider. "Yes."

"All right. So… what is your plan?" Kyoko inquired. For a moment, there was no answer. "Ikari?"

"Something is going out outside. Please give me a moment" Yui replied in absent voice and closed her eyes. She did not notice Kyoko's face turning pale.

...

"There is an Angel… and we are being deployed" Yui stated, opening her eyes. "We'll have to finish this conversation some time later-"

She finally noticed Kyoko's expression. "Soryu?"

"I am **not** going back there, Ikari" Kyoko's voice was deceptively calm, but her face betrayed growing panic. "Last time it almost managed to drown me, and there is no guarantee now it is me who will come back."

Yui closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and slowly opened them again; they were gleaming dangerously, and her jaw was clenched.

"Soryu. This is your choice, yes, and you are more than welcome to stay here; even if I cannot guarantee your safety should I get killed" Yui's voice was still calm, but it was getting firmer with every word. "But if you don't go back to your Eva soon, your daughter will fight alone, likely with minimal synchronisation; she will be lucky is she will be able to walk properly. And that means she **will die**." Anger was also slowly seeping into her voice, and Kyoko's face started to display conflict. "If she dies, will you ever be able to forgive yourself?"

Kyoko looked as if she was punched in the gut; her face was pale, her eyes showed shock.

Yui grabbed her arms. "You're stronger than you think. You've been through the fire and dark waters. You **will** prevail now. Then I will find you and pull you back. And then we will solve this problem once and for all."

' _Her hands are so warm…'_ Kyoko realised, feeling the heat seeping into her soul. She nodded, weakly.

"You are her strength, she needs you. She needs you to keep her fire burning. Go there and stand with her."

Kyoko took a deep breath and nodded with far more conviction.

"Go."

Kyoko turned quickly, took a step towards the treeline and disappeared from sight.

...

"Hello darkness, my old friend", she said aloud in the featureless void. This time, the tone was far more defiant.

' _To die you came, welcome friend, die with me'_ came the all-too-familiar voice. Kyoko felt the cold slowly envelop her, as if she stood in slowly rising water. She shivered and clenched her fists.

"If you are what I think you are, you will help me", Kyoko stated firmly despite the growing cold; the water was knee-deep already.

' _Die with me, we will be together, she will die with us, we will all be together, one happy family in Heaven'_ the voice beckoned, like a melody, like a siren song that promised peace.

"You will not drown me again. **I** will not be drowned again. Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu, **you will help me** " Kyoko raised her voice and felt a tinge of satisfaction when the presence hesitated. The waters stopped to rise.

' _My name, so long ago. My name, how do you know it?'_ The voice was almost childlike in its curiosity.

Kyoko winced. The loneliness radiating from the void was almost palpable.

...

"Can't progress with activation, something is blocking the third stage!" reported Maya Ibuki. "Unit-02 not clear!"

"Are you telling me I can't get out there?" Asuka shouted angrily.

"We're working on it, stand by!" Misato interjected.

...

Kyoko was staring into the void.

"I know who you are. I know what happened. I will find you, and I will help you, but only if you help me win this one, **now** ", Kyoko shouted in the void. "Or at least stay out of my way and let me fight!"

The hesitation was overwhelming for a moment. It took a few long moments before-

...

Ritsuko frowned. "Ugh. We have no choice. Maya, cancel the start-up seq-"

"Sempai, wait! Something is-"

...

The waters suddenly drained and the void receded. A soft, if chilling, ' _find me please'_ was its parting message.

Kyoko shivered. _'Wonderful. Did I just make a pact with this…_ _ **thing**_ _? Did I just promise it something? And didn't it just confirm to be_ _ **me**_ _?'_

The familiar dual-sight appeared, breaking her train of thought; Asuka was inside the Plug, tense and confused.

"Third stage active, Evangelion Unit-02 is responding correctly!", voice Kyoko could identify as 'Maya', the assistant that worked with Doctor Akagi, shouted with noticeable relief. "Unit-02 clear!"

"Finally, perhaps we will not all die today", the voice of Doctor Akagi herself, clearly tired, interjected. "All yours, Misato."

"All ready?" face of Misato Katsuragi, the woman apparently in command of the operation, showed up in the comm system.

"Ready now, Misato", Asuka confirmed, her voice confirming the tension Kyoko was observing. Ikari boy confirmed in a similar voice, while the pilot of Unit-00 replied in her usual, flat voice.

' _Something's not quite right'_ , decided Kyoko. _'Asuka was always eager to go into battle, why the doubt now?'_

"Commence deployment."

The sudden acceleration of the rail lift gave Kyoko a moment of queasiness. She was used to most moves performed by her Eva now, but this sudden acceleration and equally sudden deceleration was something she still had trouble handling. Fortunately, they did not charge into battle immediately. They were deployed across a wide area and were clearly waiting for something.

Channel 8 cracked with static and voice of Yui Ikari came in.

"How are you holding, Soryu?" came a concerned question. "I heard something was wrong with your start…"

Kyoko took a deep breath. "Better than anticipated, actually. The delay was me talking with… my other tenant. I think I either created a problem or started a solution. Or both. Will have to discuss that with you once we're done here… what are we exactly supposed to do here?"

"Look up."

"Oh."

A growing fire streak was clearly visible even on the daytime sky.

"From what I've gathered, we're supposed to catch it", Yui commented. "And yes, it is likely an Angel. Don't ask me about details, I know very little. I guess command does not know more. One thing: can you fight, despite the… trouble?"

"Yes. Don't worry. And…", Kyoko hesitated. "Thank you."

"You'll thank me in person. Focus on not getting killed, all right?" The last part came across as delivered with a smile.

...

"Distance is approximately 25000"

"Here it comes. All Evas, start positions", Katsuragi ordered. Unit-02 dropped to one knee in response, ready for a running start.

"All we have is a roughly estimated trajectory from optical sight-"

"Oh. Shit", Doctor Akagi's voice came in the background, loaded with dread.

"What is it?" Katsuragi turned her attention to her.

"This… I… MAGI estimates have changed…" Ritsuko's voice betrayed she was on a verge of panic. There was a moment of silence as comms were cut.

Asuka tensed visibly. Kyoko once more wished she could reach to her right now.

Twenty seconds have passed.

"They're taking too long", channel 8 crackled with Yui's calm, focused voice. "I'm directing us based on visuals."

"Are you sure? How…" Kyoko was staring at the fireball in the sky.

"There is little choice, Soryu", Yui responded solemnly. "They made some serious mistake, I think, and can't compensate on the fly; they're too dependent on the computers. Follow me once Shinji marks the spot; I'll guide him in the right direction as subtly as I can."

"I hope you know what you're doing, Ikari."

"So do I. Give me a moment."

...

"Misato?" Shinji prodded over the comms, his voice carried a tone of uncertainty.

"Stand by", came a reply from Katsuragi. Her voice was shaking perceptibly.

"It's going to hit soon, we can't wait!" Shinji's voice was growing unusually stern.

"Stand by", the reply was even shakier. _'Ikari is right, they can't compensate for the error… what has happened?'_

"Damn it! It's coming closest to me! I'm taking the lead!" Shinji shouted over the comms, at the same time starting to run towards the growing fireball. Even from the distance, Kyoko felt the vibrations of the ground caused by giant leaps taken by Unit-01.

"Finally, for once…", Asuka spoke up in vitriolic tone as she ejected the umbilical cable from Unit-02 and started her own run scant two seconds later. Kyoko stifled a giggle. _'Did something happen in the meantime, daughter? Something you'd like to tell me?'_

An unclear image of Shinji sitting in some public place was the only, subconscious answer; she had no time to dwell on it before Shinji reacted in an annoyed voice: "What was that supposed to mean?" he asked, still running.

"That you could man up once in a whi-" Asuka tried to reply, only to be cut by angry voice of Misato Katsuragi.

"Shinji! Asuka! What are you doing?"

' _Compensating for someone's incompetence'_ , a semi-amused, semi-annoyed thought came to Kyoko. She subdued it quickly; this was no time for petty jabs.

"Misato, I see where it will hit, trust me!", Shinji replied with uncharacteristic certainty. _'She is guiding him, of course… so much for "being discreet and careful", right, Ikari?'_

"Major Katsuragi, your orders?" came a communique from Unit-00, Rei Ayanami's showing hints of confusion.

"Damn it", came a barked reply, followed by a few seconds of silence. "Rei, assist them. Shinji, I rely on your judgement."

"Roger that", Rei and Shinji replied in near-unison.

"Misato!" in Ritsuko's voice was the last sound that came from the command centre before comms were cut again.

Unit-00 started its sprint towards the point Unit-01 had marked on the map.

...

The command centre was silent, save for the beeps of the machinery and single voice calling the distance.

"Distance 12000… Distance 10000… Distance 8000…"

Eyes of every single person were glued to the screens that indicated the Angel position, re-calculated by the MAGI after input data corrections, and the positions of the Evangelions. The staff knew they could equally well be calling seconds until their deaths. They were not able to assist the pilots in any way.

Ritsuko Akagi was sitting at her station, her face hidden in her hands. She was well aware that while none of her subordinates will say that to her face, she might have doomed them all by her inattention.

Her only consolation was the fact that this was an all-or-nothing scenario: either they survive despite her blunder – or there will be no one left to blame her. It was not much of a comfort, of course, but it had to do.

...

Kyoko was watching the fireball come down. The ground was breaking under her feet as she ran towards it, the cars were being flung aside, the buildings broke from the sheer force of her movement.

Asuka's face was grim and determined, her will focused on one thing: getting there. She refused to acknowledge the fact that there was no way she would be there in time to catch it.

...

"Distance… zero?"

The entire remaining NERV staff realised they were holding their breaths. By all conceivable metrics, including MAGI opinion, they should currently be in the middle of the process of being vaporised by high-velocity, AT Field assisted impact of an Angel.

But for some reason, it was not happening.

...

The Angel-turned-fireball was hanging scant metres from the ground, just above a hill, held up by an increasingly visible barrier. Kyoko, her Unit-02 still running in that direction, could make out a small – in comparison to the flaming Angel, of course – figure below.

Shinji's voice came over the comms, his face clearly in pain; his words were punctuated by gasps. "I… will… not… let… you… kill…"

Asuka pushed further, straining Unit-02 muscles beyond their safety limits; Kyoko winced as she felt some muscle fibres snap. _'Well, better to limp later than to die in fire…'_ , she mused as they approached the silhouette of Unit-01; it looked like the mythical Atlas, holding the sky all by himself.

"Don't you dare die there, idiot!" Asuka yelled angrily. For a moment, Kyoko thought she felt a very different set of emotions, a great degree of care; she had no time to dwell on them, though. They reached the Unit-01 that was quite literally holding the fiery sky in its hands.

"I'm holding up quite fine, Soryu, thanks for asking", a half-amused, half-strained voice of Yui Ikari came on channel 8. "But I wouldn't mind a hand here. Or two."

"Sorry", Kyoko replied sheepishly. "You **did** have a little bit of a head-start…"

Unit-02, following Asuka's order, threw her hands up and extended her own AT Field. The strain on Unit-01 lessened visibly, but this only levelled the playing field; the Angel continues to press on, its unrelenting eyes staring unblinkingly on those who dared deny it its prize. Kyoko felt the weight pressing against her hands the moment the fields joined.

...

"Unit-01 and Unit-02 on the impact site. Unit-00 approaching", a tense voice of Maya Ibuki reported.

"Do we have any visual?" Misato inquired, her voice equally tense.

"None, any sensor that was out was fried few seconds after the AT Fields collided", Maya replied.

"Hold on there, kids… it's all in your hands", Misato whispered.

...

"Wondergirl, would you please hurry a teeny bit up? It's getting a little bit heavy", Asuka stated, somewhat panicked tone contrasting the flippant wording.

"Incoming. Field at maximum on arrival" came the dissonantly serene voice of Rei Ayanami. The twenty seconds it took Unit-00 to join the fight felt like an eternity to Kyoko.

...

Kyoko felt the pressure lift once Unit-00 joined the effort. Then, channel 8 crackled and voice of Yui Ikari came in. "Brace yourself-" was the only thing that managed to get through before the sky started to fall on her again: Unit-01 let go and started to tear into the AT Field of the Angel.

Seconds later, her own hands let go as well and grasped the knife, going for the opening. The unblinking eye of the alien abomination cracked and bled unholy ichor; the AT Field it generated suddenly disappeared.

"All to me, keep the AT Fields close!" shouted Shinji over the comms a second later. Kyoko felt her body – or, actually, Asuka – obeying instinctively. She pulled Unit-00 with her and hugged Unit-01 tightly.

Darkness and pressure surrounded them for a moment, followed by a blinding blast and wave of heat, perceptible despite the AT Fields.

...

"I believe we have survived" a dispassionate voice commented. Evangelion systems permitted audio signals only in the reserve power mode.

"Yes, I think so… it still hurts" groaned a boy's voice.

"Hey, be glad, idiot, that means you get another chance", grumbled Asuka. "But, in the meantime, **could you get off me?** "

Kyoko chuckled. The voice was angry, but there was an unmistakably positive feeling towards the boy. _'What happened, daughter? What did you do… or what has he done? You can tell me now…'_

That thought seemingly seeped into Asuka's consciousness, stopping the banter in its tracks. It has also evoked several images that drifted towards Kyoko's mind, images from Asuka's perspective: Shinji on a street, Shinji bringing a tray of food – clearly for two, Shinji in some queue that seemed to be in a… cinema?

' _Oh. Was that a…'_

Then other images followed, along with emotions: Shinji looking surprised, then dejected; the image was tainted with anger. Back of Shinji's head, with some mumbled apology. A blurry image of him with his head dropped; anger accompanied this one, too. A scene from darkening street, without anyone in sight; this carried sadness. A table with a familiar face of an older woman Kyoko recognised as their commander; this was tainted with… guilt? A dark room; this one was accompanied by a mixture of confusion, anger, guilt, and sadness.

The banter over the comms started again, this time Asuka was far more unpleasant. _'Oh. So, not a fun one, or at least one ended badly. Well, they're just teenagers with no experience in relationships… if you can call it a relationship at this stage.'_

Kyoko did the only thing she could think of to stop the situation from getting worse: she reached out and embraced her daughter. The vitriolic comment, apparently commenting on Shinji's lack of masculinity was cut short, replaced by a silent thought from Asuka: _'Mama?'_

Kyoko dared not to speak out loud, not knowing how that would be rendered under the circumstances. But she could direct her thoughts, knowing that at least the emotions behind them will get to her daughter.

' _Shh… it'll be fine, my little Asuka… one bad date is not the end, dear. You'll both come around. It will be all right."_

Asuka cut the comms seconds before bursting into tears.

Kyoko just held her, whispering reassurances and advice. _'I should've been there for you, I'm sorry… I am here now, listen to me, dear. Perhaps it will give you_ _ **some**_ _happiness…'_

She kept whispering to Asuka for a long time.

...

Kyoko was not sure when exactly had she lost consciousness. _'The reserve power had to run out before they mounted a recovery mission… good that I had things on my mind, the thirst becomes hard to bear sometimes'_ , she mused once she awoke in the midst of darkness. She looked around, but nothing was coming out of the black; the other tenant of Unit-02 was absent.

She pondered for a moment, then she smiled to herself; ' _At least Asuka has something like a normal life. I hope they come to terms… the boy seems awfully shy. She may just smother him by accident.'_

She sighed. _'I really wish I could be there for her… more than just whispering words to her, pretending it's not really me…_ ' she smiled sadly to herself. _'Well, Ikari claims it'll possible someday, and she seems confident about that. Speaking of which…'_

She directed her thoughts towards Yui and Unit-01, as once instructed. The wind ruffled her hair and a distinct feeling of acceleration appeared. She took a step-

...

-and walked out from between the trees.

Yui Ikari rose slowly from her seat at the garden table. She was holding a fireplace poker in her hand.

"Friend or foe, Soryu?" she asked, her eyes wary.

"Friend, Ikari. Don't worry, your windows are safe – and your good looks shall remain untarnished by me", Kyoko replied with a smile, approaching the table slowly. "Permission to enter your domain, Lady Ikari?"

Yui raised her eyebrows, then let go of the poker and smiled. "Permission granted, my esteemed guest. You came right in time for the tea. Will you honour me with your presence?"

"With pleasure" Kyoko replied and curtsied the best she could, which, she had to admit, was not very good. Yui did not comment on that, though; she merely smiled a small but warm smile.

All seemed right with the world. At least for the moment.

...

The mood in the command centre of NERV HQ was a strange mix of relief, focus on post-combat data collection, and worry about the consequences. The last part came from the fact that a brief report was filed to the Commander and the Vice-Commander immediately after the battle – and a return message was expected soon.

And indeed, minutes after the message was sent, an INCOMING MESSAGE indicator blinked.

"Major Katsuragi reporting", Misato spoke up upon opening the channel. "I'm sorry, sir. My misjudgement caused Evangelions to suffer damage. The responsibility is entirely mine."

"The investigation will show who is to blame, Major", a digitally cleaned voice of Gendo Ikari sounded in the room after a few seconds. "From what I see here: your plan was sound, it worked reasonably well, and the Evas fulfilled their purpose." There was a brief pause. "Damage to Units and the collateral damage is something to be expected under the circumstances, and from what I see, we were fortunate that it was minimal. Good work, Major."

"Thank you, sir", Katsuragi reflexively stood at attention.

"One more thing", came after another pause. "Is the pilot of Unit-01 there?"

"Yes, sir!", Shinji reported, his voice surprised.

"I understand from the preliminary report that you took field command and ensured the success of the operation. Excellent work, Shinji." Even though all the filters the sound had to go through, the pride in Gendo's voice could be heard.

Shinji Ikari blinked for several moments before managing a reply: "Yes, sir. Thank you, sir."

"Now, Major Katsuragi, I expect a report from every staff member, independently, delivered to me by tomorrow morning, each of the reports digitally signed. See to that **personally**. The rest is in your hands until I return."

Misato Katsuragi blinked in surprise. Still, she knew better than ask questions. "Yes, sir."

...

Soft, warm wind and the afternoon sun made the atmosphere at the table relaxed and pleasant. Kyoko Soryu and Yui Ikari were enjoying a moment of peace – and a spot of tea.

"An apple pie, Ikari? You're spoiling me", Kyoko smiled widely, eagerly digging into the cake in front of her with a silver fork.

"We deserve a treat, Soryu. Another Angel is dead, our children are fine – better than I dared hope for, considering the circumstances. And…" she hesitated and took a deep breath. Kyoko looked at her quizzically. "And you conquered your fears. It's a reason to celebrate."

Kyoko sighed. "I don't think… she… is done with me, yet", she replied glumly.

Yui reached to touch Kyoko's hand; Kyoko realised how much she missed that gesture, then shoved this thought aside. There were more important things to dwell on.

"Soryu… of course we are not. But now we have a moment to handle it. Angels don't come too soon after each other… which means we have at least a few days."

"A few days to do what?" Kyoko inquired. "You mentioned a plan, I know, but… well, we got interrupted."

Yui took a deep breath. "There is something... something that can help you", she offered with initial hesitation. "Something I was taught by the teacher I mentioned, a… set of guidelines… a ritual of sorts."

"Ritual? Like 'light the candles and chant in a circle'?" Kyoko raised her eyebrows, her voice filled with doubt.

"Not… exactly", Yui winced. "It's a little bit more complicated. It's a... legend. A story. It's hard to label, exactly. Such things are somewhere between a myth and a technical manual, often surprisingly close to the latter." She took a deep breath and turned to face Kyoko, her expression serious. "Do you trust me?" she asked in a solemn voice.

"Well..." Kyoko hesitated. "Is that even a question now?" she asked with a small smile.

Yui sighed. "It may be, I am afraid. This is not some 'will you hold the sky for me while I stab an Angel to death' issue; this **is** about life-and-death on a far more personal level."

Kyoko took her hand; their eyes locked. "I do trust you, Ikari" she stated solemnly.

Yui took a deep breath, trying to still herself. There was no rational reason for her heart to race like that, right?

She rose from her chair. "Then come with me", she spoke up after she forcing her voice to sound calm. "Come, and listen to a story about a journey…"

...

Two women were sitting in the mansion's study, surrounded by books, maps, parchments, and various artefacts. A faint smell of dust and old paper permeated the air. It was already dark outside; the room was lit by several lamps and a fireplace, giving it a warm and homely atmosphere.

"This is… not an easy thing to process, Ikari", Kyoko stared at Yui who had just finished the tale. "What you suggest **does** sound a lot like some journey to the centre of the mind, mixed with mysticism and sprinkled with a lot of 'a wise man once thought that…' You know well how many ancient scholars were wrong about things regarding the material world, right? We can reasonably assume they weren't any better with the immaterial" Kyoko expressed her doubts that until now was only visible in her facial expression. "I really don't know what to think of it", she finished with a sigh.

Yui shook her head, her face still solemn and focused. "I am afraid you might be right… but I am also convinced this is your – this is our – only chance. We can't exactly get a qualified psychotherapist to help us here, can we?" she smiled sadly. "And I think even the best psychotherapist would be baffled by our nature. No, Soryu. Your condition is a product of an error in applied metaphysical biology. It is, I believe, best solved with the use of the same sources that gave birth to the field. Just as you need a mechanical tool to fix a mechanical issue – or an antibiotic to kill a bacterial infection, instead of chanting spells over the ill person." She stated firmly and paused. "I am not promising this is the solution, I know there is a lot of uncertainty and risks involved. But I am convinced this is the best way. Or perhaps the only one we can develop in a reasonable timeframe", she added in a softer voice.

A moment of silence hung between them. Kyoko seemed lost in thought, gazing into the fire.

"It's late, Soryu", Yui spoke up again after allowing her guest to ponder for a long while. "Sleep on it, and you will make your decision in the morning. How does it sound?"

Kyoko nodded. "Reasonable", she smiled and rose slowly. "Goodnight, Ikari. And… thank you."

"We're not successful yet, Soryu. Not much to thank me for", Yui replied with sadness tainting her voice.

"But we haven't failed yet, either. And you **are** helping me." Kyoko paused. "See you in the morning", she smiled with a thoughtful expression still present.

Yui watched her departure with a worry in her eyes, worry she could not let her guest see. She sighed heavily. She knew this was not going to be an easy night.

...

Kyoko was resting on the guest room's bed, staring on the now-familiar ceiling. This night has been the longest – both subjectively and objectively, if the clock in the corner of the room was to be trusted – she ever experienced while being a guest in the mindscape of Yui Ikari. The moon was slowly moving across the night sky, the light pattern on the floor was shifting slowly. Thoughts were flowing freely in Kyoko's mind.

' _A fine dilemma it is: risk my life on a memory of some ancient, occult tale… or keep letting a nightmarish version of me try to kill me every time I step back into what is effectively my body? Or maybe take a third option, stay in this out-of-body experience forever and visit my body only to fight?'_

She sighed; her thoughts began to circle. _'No, I can't stay here, not as a permanent solution, Ikari would consider me a coward if I did so… and she would be right. So, only choices I have is to confront the banshee or keep evading it… and I made a sort of a promise to that… thing, whether I like it or not. I guess it… she… would not be happy if I left it in the cold. If "happy" is a term that can be applied to such a creature…'_

She rose from her bed and approached the window. The sky was clear, the moon was full, and the Milky Way was on the sky. _'Of course, that was the age when artificial light was too weak to drown the stars…'_ Kyoko smiled to herself. _'Another example on how much attention Ikari pays to the details of her work…'_

She opened the window and took a deep breath of the cold air outside. "How did I end up like this?" she asked the darkness. "I was a scientist, someone whose work was supposed to save humanity, not someone to use mystical lore to… do what, exactly?"

She expected no answer, and none came. She was about to turn away when she noticed a movement in one of the windows – a female figure, well-visible in the moonlight, was standing there, framed by the light coming from behind her. It was too far to recognise with certainty, but it was obviously only one possibility for whom it might be.

"Can't sleep either, Ikari?" Kyoko whispered with a smile on her face. "I wonder why you're so worried about me… we hardly knew each other while-"

She sighed and her eyes dropped to the moon-washed ground.

' _While we were alive.'_

Her mind drifted back to the moments when she almost died again in hands of the strange presence, moments where she had to fight it back before being able to fight the Angel. _'And then there was a moment when I almost did not return… and only Ikari's voice pulled me back.'_

She stared at the moon again, still seeing the sleepless figure in the window. She shook her head. _'I mustn't run away. How did it go? "I shall face my fear, and I shall let it pass through me. And once it does, only I shall remain"? Something like that. I like the idea.'_

With a relaxed smile slowly appearing on her face, she closed the window and returned to her bed. The night was still long and lonely, but she was no longer filled with doubts.

...

A breakfast was already waiting for her; a solemn Yui came from the kitchen just after Kyoko entered the room. "Good morning, Ikari", Kyoko smiled.

"Good morning, Soryu", came a reply in a voice tinged with worry. "Please, join me. Did you sleep well?"

Kyoko raised her eyebrows. "Did you really expect me to sleep well after that revelation?" she asked, still wearing the half-smile. "I stayed up most of the night… and so did you."

Yui blushed lightly. "Why do you think so?"

Kyoko smile grew. "Well, I was looking out the window of my room… and let's say you look good in that gown."

Yui's blush deepened and she looked at her guest as if she wanted to scold her, but silently decided not to. Kyoko smile remained as she continued. "Second… the night was long. All the previous ones were cut short at some point, they went on and then dawn arrived, as if a scene in a movie changed. This one went all the way to the dawn. You really didn't sleep at all, did you?"

Yui nodded and closed her eyes for a second. "I did not. I could not."

Kyoko sighed, her face turning serious again. "I'm sorry. But… thank you."

Yui tilted her head, her eyes confused. "For what?"

"For letting me know you worry about me. And… well, for giving me a place to return to", Kyoko smiled once more.

"Always, Soryu. You're always welcome here" was the soft reply.

It was Kyoko's time to blush. "Thank you", she whispered.

They ate their breakfast in silence.

...

"Are you sure about that, Soryu?" Yui inquired as they stood between the trees.

"Having doubts now, Ikari?" Kyoko smiled weakly. "I trust you, and I trust your memory. I only fear that if this fails, you'll be left alone with the struggle."

Yui winced. "I don't want you to die", she whispered.

Kyoko reached for Yui's hand and held it in a tight grasp.

"I will do my best not to", her smile remained weak, but her voice did betray determination.

...

Yui tracked Kyoko's steps on the path until she vanished in the thin air, her transition to Unit-02 complete. The last hand squeeze they shared lingered, burning her skin.

' _This is it, isn't it?'_ Yui sighed, her heart heavy with unease. ' _I do hope she returns whole and sound, not torn and insane. Well... I do hope she returns at all.'_ Yui's doubts, forcefully kept under tight lit to avoid dampening Kyoko's spirit, suddenly returned in force. _'Perhaps trusting me was the worst choice she has ever made. I might have just doomed her soul.'_ She clenched her teeth and took a deep breath.

She returned to the study, dragging her steps. The place suddenly felt far too empty; she took another look at the large, ink-and-illumination-on-parchment, leather-bound tome on the pulpit. It was, of course, only a representation of her memory and the knowledge she held, but it helped her to focus and to recall the lore she once learned.

' _Let's hope the old creep didn't make any mistakes and took no artistic licence when he was retelling the stories about the Other Realm... and I hope my memory serves me well, too.'_

Two large, beautifully illuminated drawings filled the opposite pages, circles interconnected with paths, all described in perfectly calligraphed Hebrew letters. Yui looked at the one on the left and recalled her teacher's words: "First, the seeker, once he gained the entry, must face the many whispers that reflect the shells above the Queen of the Night..."

...

 **Author's notes**

This one comes a little bit late due to being quite longer than any of the previous. Chapter 6. will be likely be shorter, but will also come rather late due to being rather difficult to write. I will be posting an outside world interlude in the meantime, though.


	6. Chapter 6 - Desolate lands

**Two Souls – Chapter 6. – Desolate lands**

.

 **Author's note:** The story _What happened, daughter?_ begins during the previous chapter (chapter 5.) and ends during this one; it was intended to be read between them. It is not necessary to enjoy the _Two Souls_ continuity, thus it can be skipped if you do not enjoy teenager romance drama.

 **Content warning:** The chapter contains several paragraphs mentioning ugly stuff, including:

* suicide by hanging (described; considering how Kyoko died in canon, this should not come as a surprise)

* domestic violence (suggested) and general family unpleasantness

* some body horror (described)

* sexual assault (suggested)

* religious subtext and imaginery around the level of the canon series

Caveat lector.

.

Darkness surrounded Kyoko on all sides and she was standing in knee-deep water. ' _Well, I expected nothing else. Hello dark-'_

She hesitated. ' _No. Stop. First, get my bearings, before I start summoning monsters. If this is my psyche… I guess there is a lot to fix. Where do I start? And how do I start?'_

She strained to see in the darkness. She could see with reasonable clarity as far as her outstretched arm, but looking around, she noticed some blurry shapes. She started to slowly walk in their direction; each step was an effort, she felt the mud underneath her feet grasping at her, slowing her down. 'S _omething_ _ **is**_ _different here…'_

She knew where she was, technically – it was Unit-02, de facto her own body – but, as she followed the vague directions from the description Ikari gave her regarding the journey she was undertaking, she likely entered it from some other direction – for lack of better word – or landed in the less frequented part of its consciousness. ' _Or subconsciousness, judging from how uncivilised this is…'_

She continued to scan the area and to force her senses to perceive something. She was sure she was close to some kind of- ' _-forest? It would be useful if I had some light, maybe a moon…'_

A few more steps took her out of the water and onto a sandy shore. Cold air touched the soaked fabrics on her feet and made her shiver. She must have lost the shoes in the mud; in these conditions, she had no chance of finding them again. ' _Not the greatest start for a journey…'_ , she thought, looking down. ' _Wait a moment…'_

She could clearly see the ground and her feet. Raising her eyes, she could clearly make out a line of brambles, followed by a dark wall of trees. She blinked. ' _It wasn't here a moment before…'_

She raised her eyes skywards. A full moon was shining down on her and a clear image of the Milky Way was visible on the sky. She blinked once more.

"Ikari? Was that you? You didn't mention you could help me!" she called out into the darkness.

There was no response.

She sighed, wrung out the stockings and hung them on a nearby bush. ' _I guess that's the best I can do to make them dry… and new shoes would be nice, too. Walking barefoot on a beach can be fun, but I don't think I can stay here. There was something about "gaining an entry"… and I don't think I entered anything yet… did I?'_

She sighed and buried her feet in the cool sand. Pulling her stockings off and drying her feet as much as she could under the conditions improved her mood a little bit further, but she still did not feel too well about the whole endeavour.

She took a look around; behind her were the dark waters she climbed out from, in front of her, the brambles followed by the forest. On her sides, the moonlit beach stretched as far as the eye could see. Above her, a beautiful moon. At her feet, sand and some grass.

And a nice pair of trekking boots.

"What."

Kyoko reached for the stockings. They were dry and soft to the touch.

' _I. Am. So. Stupid'_ she sighed with exasperation. ' _This is my home. My mind. My domain.'_

She quickly wiped the sand from her feet, put the stockings on and slid into the boots. Stretching, she looked around. ' _Now, what I need now is something I can go through…'_

She started walking along the shore, keeping her eyes open and expecting to see some way into the forest.

Her expectations were met several hundred steps down the beach. She found herself in front of something that would be a gate – if it was not made of gnarled, twisted, and growing-together trees. ' _I don't know what I expected. Well, a gate, yes. But this is… odd.'_ She stared at the strangest construction that was some twenty metres away from her. ' _And why is a part of it reflective?'_ she pondered, seeing her own silhouette between the contorted branches.

She took a few steps towards the gate and froze in place. The silhouette did not come closer.

Kyoko shivered when the horrible realisation filled her mind. She already knew what she was seeing; still, her conscious mind simply refused to accept it.

She raised her right hand. The thing she held for her reflection did not. Cold sweat covered her skin.

' _Gods. She is here. She's… expecting me.'_

The next step she took required a lot of willpower. Her other self responded with taking a step back.

' _Is it… afraid of me?'_

Kyoko took a deep breath and extended her hand. The silhouette seemed to hesitate; then it turned and ran, disappearing between the trees.

' _At least I didn't get a black eye like the one Ikari got… on the other hand, this means I have to enter the black forest and chase her, right?'_

She approached the gate, looking for something to pull at, press, or otherwise interact with, a control to open the passage. Nothing to that function could be found, though. It looked like a gate, it was built like one – even if the creator seemed to have been fascinated by works of H. R. Giger – but there was no apparent way to open it.

"Hm… Anyone home?" she tried, despite seeing the only person – for the lack of better word – on the other side run a moment ago. The silence was, obviously, the only response.

"Open sesame?" she tried again, without much hope – and with no result at all.

"Mellon?"

The gate remained unchanged.

' _I don't know what I expected. At least nothing is crawling out from the waters behind me.'_

As in response, a low murmur carried above the waves. Kyoko shivered.

' _All right, let's skip the stupid thoughts. Let's_ _ **focus**_ _.'_

Kyoko touched the rough wood of the gate, sliding her fingers across the strange lines of branches, tracking the knots, touching the leaves. ' _It's beautiful… but it's not the point, is it? I'm supposed to pass through it, to enter, likely even to chase my own… something… but I'm stopped by a figment of my imagination, a piece of my-'_

The facepalm was audible; Kyoko felt the pain quite well, too. ' _One day, I will learn… One day…'_

She closed her eyes and imagined herself walking through the gate and into the forest. A loud creaking sound followed. Opening her eyes, she saw exactly what she expected: an arch, built in the same way the gate was, but no longer obstructing anything.

' _Wasn't 'a door to the forest' a term for something pointless?'_ she pondered for a second. ' _Well, definitely not here. Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu… I'm coming for you!'_

She stepped through the arch, taking steps on something that could pass for a forest path: narrow, barely visible in the darkness, filled with low branches and treacherous roots. A thought later, she held a machete in her hand.

' _And I thought that discussing landscaping and garden work with Ikari was a frivolous waste of time…'_ she thought, raising the blade.

...

Yui Ikari was aimlessly wandering the corridors of the mansion of her mind. She knew she should be doing many different things: planning her next moves, thinking how to handle Gendo, expanding her knowledge on how Evangelions worked, and many, many other, actually useful things that could someday mean the difference between victory and defeat. But she could not bring herself to focus on anything substantial. Her mind kept returning to every word she said to her guest, to every instruction she gave to Soryu; she was looking for possible mistakes, making sure she made none, questioning her own memory, going back to the moment the woman that had become her companion in this hitherto-empty place vanish to undertake an uncertain, borderline insane quest. A quest she sent her to, without being sure it made sense, based on mystical tales she was taught as a child by a man who could very well be insane himself.

She actually caught herself biting her nails – a habit she thought she successfully defeated at a young age. But now, she had to force herself to keep her hands down. ' _It would be kind of hilarious if my movements translated into movements of my other body… Doctor Akagi would most likely write a paper about "Compulsive Autocannibalism of Evangelion Units"… I wonder when will I cross an alert threshold with this anxiety. I feel like being quite close to it'_ she noted bitterly.

Nonetheless, her external senses told her that no one was watching; the Cages were empty, except for some maintenance crew doing their usual work before leaving after – judging by headcount – the night shift.

It suddenly changed. She heard firm steps rattling against railings surrounding her. Few technicians ever entered her dwelling proper unless they had to, and even then, they tended to tiptoe around, as if they were afraid they would wake her and she would eat them. Very few people dared to walk in a normal fashion here, let alone walk like they were home.

A familiar, expected figure strode into her field of sight.

"Good morning, my beloved. Have you slept well?"

...

Kyoko had to admit that hacking at the branches and see them give in had quite a therapeutic value – she no longer felt tense or worried. Unfortunately, she was also not much closer to achieving her goal. While she could not tell how much time has passed, as the moon only moved when she willed it to do so, she knew she has been wandering this place for a while already. A long while. And there was nothing in sight, except some shadows moving from time to time in the corner of her eye, gone long before she faced them.

She rested against a tree, driving the machete into the ground in one angry move.

' _How can I face the whispers when they refuse to face me? Am I to hunt them down? Am I to lure them? Or maybe…'_

She recalled Yui's words again. ' _She said: "To keep walking is to face the whispers, to forge his own way". So… I am walking, but if I can't face them, let's try forging something.'_

She took a long look around.

' _Ikari has taught me to work with trees… well, after a fashion. Work with the surroundings. Let's hope I will not tear this place apart while trying to put in practice without her restrains placed on the environment.'_

She closed her eyes and imagined the path wider than the narrow passage she had seen a moment before; she imagined the trees parted and the moon shining between the coronas. When she reopened them, the path widened a little bit, some trees moving aside. ' _All right… that's a success, and I didn't open a chasm by accident, nor is there a dust storm'_ she smiled at the memory, now a fond recollection of time spent with Ikari. She took a deep breath, shaking the sentiment. This was not a time or place for it. ' _Let's see how much better I can make this place…'_

On the second attempt, the path widened again as far as her eye can see. Still, it was the same, branch-filled, root-covered forest path that made her feet ache despite solid boots on her feet.

She closed her eyes and focused. ' _How is a path… no, "path" is wrong here, "path" is a chaotic passage through a chaotic forest. What would be orderly?'_ she pondered. ' _A road? A cobbled one, perhaps?'_

She smiled to herself. ' _Why not make it pretty? I think I remember how I imagined one particular road…'_ she recalled an image from a childhood's book.

When she opened her eyes, Kyoko's smile turned into a satisfied grin. She saw a wide, even road covered in yellow brick. The moon was shining on it, making the stones gleam with unearthly beauty. "Perfect. Let's just hope nothing falls on my head and I kill no one by accident" she said out loud and took a few steps. The ground felt perfectly real, the cobblestones made walking far easier.

' _Onwards, then… what was it that Ikari recited as next? There was something about making the shadows run or bow… well, they're running from me, but something is telling me it's not going exactly as it should.'_

...

The road curved and meandered through the forest. Kyoko followed it slowly, paying attention to the surrounding forest and expecting to see something. Soon enough she was proven right – a movement appeared in the corner of her eye. She stopped and turned slowly.

A child – looking just like her Asuka did when she was three or four, down to the ribbons in her hair – was sitting between the trees. The child had a scraped knee and was holding it tight while crying silently. She took a step closer.

"Hello", she wanted to say but realised she said something else: "What happened, Asuka?"

She shook her head. "What happened, dear?" she repeated without thinking and approached her daughter. The girl raised her head and revealed little Asuka's face.

Suddenly, Kyoko remembered the scene. ' _It was when she tried to climb the tree in the park, following some other kid – and fell. It was my afternoon off, and I took her for a walk…'_

She let the memory flow: touching Asuka's face gently, kneeling next to her, kissing the knee to make better. Holding her for a long moment and then releasing her only to watch her try the climb again – and succeeding this time. ' _I remember… I wanted to stop her, but I didn't. She… she had to do it again. A scraped knee would not stop her, after all. She was always ambitious, stubborn, persistent…'_

Kyoko blinked. Suddenly, she was no longer kneeling and watching Asuka on a tree; she was in the middle of the road again, and the image was gone. A child's laughter made her look back; the image was there, on the road. It looked… right.

Her brow furrowed. ' _I really wish subconsciousness came with a user's manual. What am I supposed to do next? Keep walking?'_ she sighed. ' _Well, definitely not turn back.'_

With a sigh, she resumed her journey along the yellow road. Soon enough, another movement captured her attention. Unsurprisingly to her, it was Asuka again. A little bit older than before, dressed in her best dress, standing over her… and crying. Once more, she let the memory flow.

She felt the touch of sheets on her skin, the rough texture of a hospital gown. She heard an unpleasant wail close to her. She sensed the touch of Asuka's hair on her cheek-

A look down confirmed something resembling hair touched her cheek. But this was not Asuka – it was a doll, a simple doll with blue buttons for eyes and red wool for hair. But it **was** Asuka.

' _I don't- I don't remember that'_ she realised with dread creeping up her mind. ' _This is… not mine.'_

The childish wail continued. She looked up again and focused on the face of the strange girl. This could not be her daughter. Her daughter was a good little girl, not this loud… thing.

Someone approached the strange girl and took her away; a nurse?

A stab of vicious anger hit her on that thought. She shook her head-

And she was standing on the brick road again. ' _Definitely not mine. Is it from my… other self?'_

She took a deep breath and turned around. The image was still there, a mirage hanging over the road. She focused and put it slightly to the left, mentally tagging it as separate.

Turning again to walk the road, she noticed several other figures between the trees, both close and further down the road.

' _Am I actually taking a trip down the memory lane? Well, Ikari said: "Once the reflections of the Spheres are in order"… so let's put them in order.'_

She approached the next memory; this time the central figure has been her husband. He was sitting next to her on the couch in their home, his expression annoyed. The tension in the air was almost palpable. ' _Let me guess – this is one of the "we need to talk" moments. Well, nobody promised this whole journey was going to be pleasant…'_

...

Yui Ikari took a seat on a couch in her living room. Using her external senses always required some concentration, and she did not want to wander into a wall while listening to Gendo's monologue. Having ensured her well-being in the mindscape, she turned her attention to her external senses – but not before fashioning herself a bowl of nuts to snack on.

He was pacing back and forth on the bridge connecting two walls of the Cage at the level of Unit-01's equivalent of the collarbone. This put him in a perfect range of sight and hearing for Yui.

"I am lost, my love" he finally spoke in a pained voice. "It had never been easy without you, and you know that well. But it is getting harder." He paused, then continued, his voice hardening. "People that I thought I can rely on stopped being reliable, the enemies encroach on all fronts… and even our son cannot understand me", he sighed heavily. ' _That's something new… he complained about Shinji before, but never about his underlings… I wonder what happened'_ , Yui smiled to herself.

"I started this project full of hope, with our goals in mind. I know how much you sacrificed, I know how important all this is for you… and I never wavered, not even in the face of suffering or death", he started pacing across the bridge. ' _Of course you did not waver, you bastard. It was never_ _ **your**_ _suffering or death, was it?'_

Her memories surfaced: Shinji screaming in agony when they were facing the first Angel, Shinji's pain when he was putting a blade in Core of the second one. Yui did not care much for her own pain; this body felt it differently, more like information and source of anger than a debilitating shock. But she was quite well aware what Shinji felt when Unit-01 arm was torn off and when her body was electrocuted.

She shook it off. Gendo's words were making her angry, but it was not a good time to be angry. It was a good time to listen.

"…but now they begin to fail me. Our son is nothing but a disgrace, unable to act like a man. The German pilot is a loose cannon. Rei is the only one that actually obeys and perhaps even understands."

' _Rei… that is a name that he mentioned earlier. Likely of the girl I remember seeing from time to time. Does he consider her his daughter? This is something I must learn more of, but how?'_

"And now, even the scientists start to fail. I don't know what to do, my beloved. I wish you were here with me, hand in hand. I long for your guidance, for your words of wisdom, for your touch, even for the dances we shared…" Gendo Ikari hid his face in his hands.

Inside Evangelion Unit-01, Yui Ikari was caught in a bout of helpless laughter, her anger from a moment ago forgotten. ' _Gods, I could count on my one hand how often we actually_ _ **danced**_ _… on the other hand, I would need a computer to estimate how often you rejected my suggestions on important matters. Gods, this is rich.'_

She drew a ragged breath, trying to calm herself. She knew it from his previous monologues, but she tried not to think about it too much: but this man clearly seemed to love an image of her, not the actual Yui Ikari.

"I wish you were here with me, my beloved Yui. I wish you could hear me…"

"Be careful what you wish for, Gendo, dear…" she whispered to herself in the safety of her mindscape. "For you may receive exactly that, and then you will weep bitter tears."

...

Kyoko looked back and beheld a dozen memories: most in the centre of the road, some on the left. She looked ahead and counted at least a dozen more. She sighed. ' _It feels like cleaning out an old attic… I just hope it's worth it.'_

The next image was odd; it was one of older Asuka, dressed in her plugsuit; someone else was in front of her. She focused on the stranger; they wore the same red plugsuit, but with a definitely less feminine figure. ' _Is that- yes, Ikari's boy!'_

They were arguing, of course, but they were also sitting close together. A quick glance told her they were surrounded by water – and facing something large. ' _This is definitely one of mine. My – and her, obviously – first real fight, perhaps? One that happened before Ikari gave me my consciousness back, of course…'_

That memory took a moment to process; it was no more emotional than the other ones, but it certainly was more vivid than most previous ones. Kyoko moved it to the right; ' _The first one that is just mine, I guess…'_ she thought. A single random thought and several moments of focus later, the memories were in chronological order. ' _I don't think it matters, but it's more orderly that was. Although anything past my… separation is a guess, anyway.'_

With yet another sigh, she turned to walk forward and took another step.

Her husband at her bedside; this memory was definitely coming from her other self. His clenched jaw suggested he was angry, but when the nurse called him from the door, he smiled and walked towards her. ' _This is… odd'_ Kyoko frowned. ' _I don't remember that woman, but she is quite prominent in the memories from my other self. And I don't like his reaction'_ she noted while filing the memory. ' _I guess I'll have a lot of questions to ask when she is ready, or at least able, to talk to me.'_

With that thought, she approached the next memory: a family picnic.

...

Gendo's pacing was increasing in tempo, along with his voice losing its usual coldness. "I am sure you would understand the gravity of the situation, I know you'd understand the decisions I made… and I know you'd support me. Everything would be different if you were at my side; but even when you are not, I still make every decision with you in mind. But if you were here, we would work perfectly together, mind and soul…"

Yui gritted her teeth. She knew he was not provoking her intentionally, she was quite sure he was not even aware she was conscious. Still, it took a notable portion of her will to avoid activating 'accidentally', berserking, breaking through the containment measures, and smacking **some** reason into her widowed husband's skull. Finally, she decided it would be both irresponsible and undignified. It would also endanger her main plan.

Still, she had to admit that he was at least partially right: they **were** a good team back then. They were both engrossed in their respective work, they understood each other, they were quite in love, and even the sex – when there was time for it, of course – was quite good. For the first time in a long while, she realised that she actually missed Gendo.

She shook herself out of that thought; thinking like this was detrimental to her goals. This was no longer the man she married; he had clearly changed: he abandoned their son, and he used him without properly instructing him, made him suffer for no good reason. Even a tinge of attraction towards Gendo would be inappropriate now.

Still, some things were hard to forget.

Both the monologue and her reverie were stopped abruptly with an entrance of someone else; Yui recognised him as Sei Kashiwagi, one of the low-rank technicians that worked in the Cages. Gendo stared at him in a manner that would cause panic in most people – and it certainly caused panic in the poor man.

"There is no scheduled inspection here, technician… Kashiwagi" he addressed the man after only a second of thought. Yui realised he had to remember him, as they were far too far apart for Gendo to read the name from the uniform.

"N-n-no, sir, but t-t-there were some a-a-anomalous re-readings a-" the technician started to explain himself, ready to run at the slightest movement.

"Report them to doctor Akagi immediately and do not return here. Dismissed", Gendo ordered in a curt manner.

"Y-yes sir" the technician hid behind the door with astounding speed.

Gendo sighed. "At least some people are competent here. You see the problem, my beloved Yui… for all I know, he could've been here to spy on me on Akagi's behalf. Enemies everywhere… only the old professor is still faithful, as he had always been, devoid of any ambition, deeply invested in the cause of humanity."

He looked at his watch, stopped, sighed, and turned to face Unit-01.

"Goodbye, my beloved. I must go; it's time to restore order in this nest of vipers. Until we meet" he took his bow – deep and reverent. His face expressed nothing but sincere devotion.

Yui felt a chill running down her spine. ' _He's changing. And not for the better'_ she realised, confirming her previous doubts. ' _The question is: can I stay ahead of him?'_

...

Kyoko Soryu was facing the last two scenes from a long cavalcade of images. A doll, hanging from the ceiling next to her, and the sight of herself putting her head through a noose. Definitely not something from her own memories; this one went to the left as well. And the sight of her own body in the Core, seen from a perspective of someone who just gained the ability to see things from point of view of Unit-02 Core; this one went to the right.

The respective ends of their existence, and a new beginning for her. She was not sure now her counterpart began her afterlife, but this was likely to become clear in time.

She sighed.

' _Life always ends in death, but in my case, death was only the beginning. If Ikari and I ever emerge from this sane enough to communicate, psychologists will have a field day with us. And let's not mention what theologists and prophets will make of it… if we are ever allowed to talk, that is.'_

She glanced at the final images. A question how the other one managed to become part of Unit-02 Core after dying somewhere else would have to wait. Kyoko took the next step-

-and stopped dead in her tracks. A high fence was rising across the brick road, barring the passage and extending into the forest on both sides. Of course, it was not here a step ago.

She understood the logic of this realm: she knew there was no point in trying to walk around it or climb it. It was a representation of something, an obstacle to overcome, a puzzle to solve – not something to circumnavigate or to run away from. It was something to face. She sighed again. ' _Another problem, another difficulty… is it my psyche playing with me, or some strange God is putting me on trial? Or maybe both?'_

She started to investigate the new barrier. The fence – bordering on a wall in its size – was made of black iron, each bar was thick as Kyoko's two fingers. The bars were not only that – they were interwoven in a complex fractal pattern she stopped investigating as soon as she realised it was making her dizzy.

Instead, she focused on the three distinct sculptures that were prominent in the part that was standing across the road. Each of them was made with intricate details, each of them different, each of them disturbing in its own manner, and each of them revealed new facets and insights when beholden from different angles.

Kyoko investigated all of them, trying not to look too much on the details; her restraint did not help much though: the details were forcing their way into her brain.

The first one was a depiction of an old, haggard man. His raggedy, mismatched clothing was in tatters, his shoes were in pieces, tied with rags and string; his hair and beard were grey, long, dirty, and unkept. He was sitting with his back against a brick wall, his face expressing nothing except despair and showing his advanced age – or ruin inflicted on him by his suffering. Depends on the angle of view, the man looked broken but alive – or dead and decomposing. There was an odd angle where the two images interposed, and the man looked like he was rotting while still alive.

The second one contained multiple people contorted in various ways, in different stages of undress, engaging in various sexual acts. They ranged from masturbation, to simple – if elaborate in its choice of position – coitus, to ménage-a-trois and larger configurations, to a full-fledged orgy. Most participants looked content in their throes of passion, but many seemed distressed or even suffering. Beholding the sculpture from different angles revealed just another scene, just another act. The only thing they had in common – aside from their explicitness – was their awkwardness: they all looked posed, as they were a pornographic photoshoot.

The third one was depicting something nearly opposite of the first one: a middle-aged, handsome man in a perfectly tailored suit, with an equally perfect face. He would be a perfect depiction of a man of success, if not for the fact that his smile looked extremely false. This one changed in subtler manners: the smile shifted, sometimes an envelope in the pocket was visible, sometimes a knife in his hand could be seen.

Willing or not, she began to understand.

' _Let me guess, I'm supposed to go through this in some way?_ She touched the bars between the sculptures, not daring to interact with the sculptures themselves yet; the metal was rough, but warm to the touch. ' _What lies beneath?'_

She took a step back and looked at all the sculptures together from some distance. Their meaning clicked in her mind one after one. Ikari's voice rang in her mind: ' _Once the reflections of the Spheres are in order, the seeker must choose one of the roads to follow: be it corrosion, deceit, or obscenity. Once the choice is made, be it by seeker's free will or by his own personal demons, the force chosen must be confronted on its own terms.'_

"Which one of you" she shuddered "beauties am I to choose? I guess I had to face some of everything you represent… perhaps except obscenity, unless you count those few good times with my husband" she smiled a crooked smile. "And I guess deceit is not exactly right, either, after all, white lies and lies we tell children are not exactly lies. Corrosion makes more sense, it's not that my marriage was-"

She stopped her monologue abruptly. A familiar figure, dressed in something resembling a worn lab coat and with the neck at an odd angle, was standing behind the fence. It has been no more than five metres away from her, but the gate obscured its features: the face remained hidden. Still, Kyoko knew perfectly what and who it was. There was no alternative, this was the apparition as solid as her own body here.

"Hello, me. Have you come to help me choose?"

The figure nodded jerkily. Kyoko tried hard to ignore her impression on how unnatural this move looked.

"So… which one you think is right? Or… or wrong enough to require resolution?"

The apparition approached the fence and stuck its clawed fingers into it, grasping the neck of the third sculpture – the main in a suit.

"Deceit?" Kyoko asked, her voice surprised. "I guess you lived a little bit longer than I have, right?" she smiled to her dark half. "Deceit it is, then."

She stepped closer. Her reflection-not-reflection responded by detaching herself from the wall and taking a jerky step back. Kyoko sighed. "A long road ahead of us?"

Not certain what to do, as there were neither levers nor buttons, she placed her hand on the sculpture's chest and silently wished it to give way. The sculpture split in half in response, opening as it was a small gate. Behind it was a smaller path paved with yellow brick leading along waist-high, well-kept shrubbery.

A familiar figure was standing several hundred metres away, close to some large, old-style building. She seemed to beckon Kyoko. She took one last look at the forest of memories and reflections and stepped through the opened sculpture. There was a loud, metallic slam behind her.

She was standing in a simple, tidy garden, under a late afternoon sky. A familiar path was before her, leading to a XIX-century style building. It was one of those mansions that were too new to be considered historical by European standards and thus were adapted to practical use with respect to their external appearance – but not to the interior.

"Where have you led me? And why?" she whispered, not certain whether her other self can hear her. "A hotel, perhaps? But why? A museum? Are you talking to me via allegories?"

She noticed several people in the nearby lawn, tended to by people in white uniforms. The realisation struck her. A hospital.

"This is where you ended up, isn't it?" she whispered. "But where is the deceit in that?" She paused. "Were you tricked to remain here, forced to be here? Is this something about 'righting old wrongs'?"

The apparition, even if it heard her from the distance, did not answer. Instead, it turned and disappeared behind the corner with a step too large to be possible for a human.

Kyoko sighed and followed her on the path. ' _Well, I am about to find out…'_

...

The corridors were long and so narrow that two people could barely pass each other. The surrounding walls were covered in white tiles to about her arm's height and painted white above; they were punctuated with heavy wooden doors, all of them closed. The floor she was treading on was made of wood as well – possibly even coming from the original décor – and polished. The familiar smell of cheap disinfectant permeated the air, making Kyoko's want to sneeze; the sounds were distant and muffled. For some reason Kyoko could not fathom, there was a bitter taste in her mouth.

' _As unpleasant as possible, I guess, while still remaining a mundane, plausible place. Is this an actual hospital, or is it just my imagination being told "picture a hospital in an old building and make it creepy"?'_

The musings suddenly stopped when she noticed a familiar figure at the end of the corridor; despite being unable to make out the face, she instinctively knew who this was; she was becoming adept in recognising herself. Kyoko shivered; the apparition was backlit by a window, making it more a shadow or a silhouette than actual figure – but something about it felt odd: the head was heavily tilted and the arms, instead of resting on the sides, were contorted in odd angles. ' _Gott, was-'_

With a sudden, jerky turn, the figure walked through one of the doors, adding to the uncanniness with a way of walking that would be in place for someone unable to bend their knees. ' _Someone stiff. A corpse. Gott, she is getting worse with every sighting… or she just lets me closer and I see it-her-me- damn it, why is the subconscious mind so complicated?'_

She took a deep breath but found herself unable to hold it; the disinfectant permeating the air made her cough.

' _If this is my mind creating it, I'll be very annoyed with myself. If it's… her… I'll have to have a word with… her… myself… afterwards.'_

She sighed, this time in a careful, shallow way. ' _It'll not solve itself. Keep going, Soryu; you didn't expect a darker part of your soul to be fluffy and cuddly, did you? Even you are not, after all'_ , she chuckled.

With that thought brightening her mind, she reached the door with an unremarkable '415' displayed as the only description. ' _Let me guess – enter and see?'_ She touched the door handle; it was surprisingly cold, in contrast to the warm air surrounding her. The door yielded, but on an odd way; she did not pass through them but instead just found herself on the other side.

Behind them was a typical small hospital room, spartan in its appearance, with a single bed, a chair, an IV stand, a nightstand, and not much else. On the bed was a woman; Kyoko knew perfectly who she was, but if not for that, she would not recognise herself: the red hair lost their lustre and were cropped shorter than she ever wore them; while not emaciated, the woman was far leaner than Kyoko ever was. And her eyes were the worst: sunken, empty, staring through the window without a sign of cognisant though. A bird was dancing on the windowsill; she was ignoring it. Kyoko shivered once more. ' _I… Well, at least I- she is not in pain. But what may be going through her head…'_

"So you ended up in a hospital. But why did you bring me here? How am I supposed to understand deceit here?" Kyoko asked aloud.

The woman on the bed picked something up; it was a simple doll with blue buttons for eyes and hair made of red wool, the same she saw it in the memories – it was hanging from the ceiling in the last image of her other self's life.

The woman started to stroke the doll's head tenderly; she was whispering something to her; Kyoko leaned to listen in.

"Asuka… my dear Asuka…"

Kyoko's eyes widened and a shiver went down her spine.

' _I believe I've never seen a more literal case of "losing my mind"…_ ' she thought, unable to avert her eyes from the worrying sight. ' _I really came out on the wrong side of the mirror…'_

...

Kyoko stood over the bed of her past other self. Suddenly, she realised they were not alone: a man was sitting in the chair and a nurse was standing over him; it was also dark outside. A little girl – little Asuka, she realised – was standing next to the bed. This change was abrupt: Kyoko felt disoriented, then she felt a tinge of panic that quickly subsided when she realised no one was paying attention to her.

Asuka reached to take the woman's hand; she quickly moved it away and stared at her angrily. The man sighed heavily.

"She is always like that, Mr. Langley", the nurse commented in a concerned voice. "She doesn't respond to anyone, really; the doctor was hoping she'd respond better to seeing her daughter again… apparently, this didn't work. I don't think she even recognises her."

"She is not going to burst out, correct?" he spoke up, absentmindedly. "We can leave Asuka here for a moment, let her try?"

The nurse nodded. "She is no longer aggressive; she had episodes in the past, but we adjusted the medication."

"Asuka, stay here with mama, all right?" he requested. "I must talk with the doctors" he explained, raising from the chair.

Asuka nodded reluctantly, eyeing her mother; both adults left quickly, ignoring her discomfort. The little girl slipped on the chair with some effort and turned her attention to the woman: "Mama… Ich weiß das du mich hörst. Warum schaust du mich nicht an?"

The woman looked at her hatefully. "Ich bin nicht deine Mama, Mädchen." She reached for the doll with a sudden motion, hugged it tightly, and turned her back to Asuka.

Asuka looked shocked for a moment, then she slowly turned to Kyoko who was watching the scene with growing anger. "Sie ist immer so… Warum ist sie immer so?"

Kyoko blinked. As she understood how this mindscape worked, she was a ghost here; a spectator without flesh. She was witnessing the scene silently, knowing this and fighting her urge to hug little Asuka: it would be pointless. But now… now her daughter addressed her directly.

Reluctantly, she took a step forward and laid her hand on Asuka's arm. The girl looked up at her, just as she always did in their past. Without further thinking, she knelt down to hug her. Asuka returned the embrace fiercely; her silent tears turned to sobs, then to full cry. Kyoko just kept holding her, not hiding her own tears.

There were some voices coming from behind the wall; Kyoko recognised the man's voice as her husband; the female remained unfamiliar, although it could be one of the nurses or a doctor. She could not make out the words; Asuka's weeping drowned them out.

They remained like that for a long time.

...

After Gendo was gone, Yui Ikari's introspective mood remained for a while. To the conclusion that the man has changed, she had to add a realisation that she was still not sure what to think of him. ' _As if I didn't have enough emotional turmoil…'_

She sighed with exasperation. The only thing she could do was to return to her anxiety-laden wanderings across the mindscape she fashioned for herself. There was not much she could busy herself with, perhaps except building something new. She had built this place not to require maintenance, so there was preciously little mindless work to do. ' _Except… of course, I should check on them.'_

She rushed out faster than it was appropriate for a staid matron she posed as. But it did not matter much: nobody was around to be scandalised by this impropriety.

...

Kyoko realised she was sitting in the chair next to her old self's bed. Asuka was sitting on her knees – and sleeping. This was an odd feeling: holding her again as a four-year-old, in the dreamscape of her own subconsciousness. But she did not care – she acted on reflex: her daughter was crying, so she rushed to comfort her. It did not matter nothing of this was real; it was real to her, and the reflexes of the mother remained strong as ever.

It took her a moment to realise that something was wrong. There were no voices on the other side of the wall anymore; something else replaced them. For a second, she thought it was some call for help, then a blush crept up her face as she recognised them.

' _Was zur–'_

She carefully rose, equally carefully untangled little Asuka from her person and sat her on the chair; luckily, she did not wake up. On the other hand, Kyoko on the bed was clearly awake and covering her ears so hard that she was driving her nails into her scalp; her expression was full of pain and her empty eyes were dripping tears.

Kyoko shook that off; it was easy to guess what was happening, but she had to see it herself. She stepped out of the room; in seconds, she was standing in the front of the nurses' room door. A second later, she was inside; her mind ignored the fact she did not exactly have to open the door – it had more important things to note.

She knew what to expect there, but seeing her husband – with his pants around his ankles – on the top of – mostly undressed – nurse hit her hard. She stood there in shock, thoughts racing through her mind: ' _He was having sex with her, next to_ _ **my**_ _room? Next to_ _ **her**_ _room? She must've heard it… if I feel like murdering him, how did_ _ **she**_ _feel? If I ever get out, I'm going to have a word with him. Or better, I'm going to have that word with him before leaving my Eva; that'll give my words some more weight.'_

Torn between sympathy for her broken self and desire to strangle her husband with her bare hands, she did not notice the door opening.

A drowsy Asuka was standing there, staring at the scene with her head tilted in confusion. "Papa?"

' _Wait, this actually_ _ **happened**_ _?'_ Kyoko froze at the idea what damage it could have caused to her child. ' _She saw him in the act? That…'_

The scene suddenly changed. It was day again; her husband was sitting at the other Kyoko's bed and talking to her, his voice calm. There were fresh flowers in a simple vase on the nightstand. The words were of reassurance, of love, of promises: "you'll be fine, you'll recover, we'll be a happy family again".

The door opened and the same nurse entered. He smiled to her in a peculiar way; Kyoko felt another stab of anger. She recognised that kind of smile: it was the smile he always had for her.

She gritted her teeth. "Gott, why? He might've not been the best husband ever… but **this**? He wrote me off already and started to fuck someone before I even died? And was careless enough Asuka saw it? And then pretended it was all fine?"

She turned her attention to her own self in the hospital bed. "You knew, didn't you? You heard it all, you knew it all, you saw her leave and you heard her ask…"

Both the nurse and Kyoko's husband vanished; she was alone now with her other self. The woman slowly turned her head to Kyoko and nodded jerkily. She started to rise: her movements were cautious and clumsy, just like she was drunk or tired – and no longer certain about her surroundings.

Once on her feet, she began to methodically tear the sheets into narrow strips of cloth. Kyoko kept staring, covered in cold sweat. Soon, two ropes took shape: a small one from strands, and a proper one from larger strips. She tied the small one on the "neck" of the doll and looked up.

"Stop this!" Kyoko screamed at her. The woman, halfway done with the large rope, slowly turned her head to face her; her eyes were empty, but Kyoko saw a spark of confusion – or curiosity. She tried to stand her ground: she knew she had to.

"He… he cheated on you, he deceived you, he poisoned Asuka's mind… Gott, I hope, I really hope she doesn't remember that" Kyoko's mind returned to the possible implications. The woman nodded jerkily, clearly responding to her. Kyoko felt another sudden urge to run; it was too much to behold. She held to the spot purely on willpower. "And he kept going like that…" she kept talking. "I wonder, how did it end? I really hope this woman didn't end up as his wife and Asuka's step-mother…"

The figure in front of her shrugged and returned to making the rope. "I… I think I've seen enough…" Kyoko said in weakening voice and ran out of the door. In the dark corridor, she ran into her husband and the nurse, kissing. They turned to her and started laughing.

She turned and ran out of the hospital-

-right into the nurses' room.

"What-"

The scene of infidelity was unfolding again before her eyes. ' _Am I supposed to do something here? What would that be? What would my other self want me to do?'_

A realisation struck her, obvious once she thought of that. ' _What she could not.'_

She locked the door and took a deep breath. Her first reflex was to simply start cursing him, or perhaps violently separate them; while this was tempting, her noble upbringing took over.

"You seem to have lost your touch, my dear husband", she spoke out loud with a fake smile on her face. "She doesn't seem to enjoy it. At all."

She has certainly expected a reaction: she expected them to be surprised, startled, perhaps even angry for the interruption; she expected this to be followed by embarrassment or onset of defensive anger.

What she did not expect was the sheer degree of panic that ensued.

Most surfaces in hospitals have one common attribute: they are narrow. This has proven the adulterers' undoing: when the man turned, the nurse who was resting atop the desk slipped and fell – pulling him down in the process. A loud _thud_ and the sounds of scrambling followed, accompanied by a rather chaotic attempt at fixing their wardrobe and going back to their feet. Kyoko was watching the scene with a mix of amusement and embarrassment. On one hand, they deserved that, and far more. On the other, it was still – ignoring the illusory nature of the scene – her husband, someone she once loved.

Finally, after an embarrassingly long while, her husband was able to regain his footing. Ignoring his lover, he turned to face Kyoko while still putting his pants in order.

"How? Wh-how? You were-" he started, his voice confused, but also angry.

"Unresponsive?" Kyoko interrupted. "No longer sufficient?" she narrowed her eyes and took a step towards him. He tried to take a step back, but the desk they were just using blocked his path. "And I was a fool who thought you would at least wait _until I was in the ground_ before you found yourself a _consolation_ …" she was hissing her words out now.

The nurse finally picked herself up and managed to cover herself, but she just stood there, uncertain of what to do. Kyoko eyed her with disgust. "And shame on you: I don't even care how it began, but knowing the situation… I really hope this is not a standard service in private clinics" Kyoko jabbed. "Or did you place me in a _Krankenkasse_ hospital to save for your future life with her?" she turned her attention back towards her husband; she realised that while the woman was not blameless, her actual problem was with him.

"I can explain-"

Kyoko felt the anger going through her, culminating in a wry smile on her face. "Oh, please. Go ahead."

Part of her mind was aware that this scene never happened, that it was shaping into her own – or her other self's ideal image how it should have happened. That it was, essentially, a fantasy. But it did not matter. The point was to make things right – even inside her own mind. That fantasy was a mean to an end.

And as she expected, there was no good explanation coming out of his mouth, because there was no explanation possible in her mind – and she knew he would never admit to having made a mistake.

She took another step, coming as close to him as possible without actually touching him. "I am going to file for divorce, dear husband, it's one of the first things I am going to do once I'm out of here" she smiled a crooked smile. "And I'm going to enjoy that" she finished, turned and started to walk away before suddenly stopping. This scene felt incomplete.

"Ah. One more thing… not exactly my style, but I think she expects me to do that, so…" she trailed off, closed the distance again, and delivered a resounding slap to his face. "Enjoy yourselves, now" she added with the sweetest voice she could muster before unlocking the door and leaving.

Little Asuka was waiting outside. "Mama? Was ist passiert?"

Kyoko smiled down at her and picked her up. She knew this would be quite taxing for her in reality – a four-year-old is rarely light to be carried around – but again, it did not matter here. "Nichts, meine Süße. Mach dir keine Sorgen" she whispered to her ear. Asuka happily wrapped her hands around her neck and hid her face in Kyoko's hair.

Kyoko walked down the empty corridors of the crumbling hospital, then down the road between shrubberies and trees. Once she left the widely open gates, she closed her eyes took a deep breath; this was emotionally taxing, but also greatly liberating.

She stopped, wanting to take a final look at the building that was her prison, and to take a better look at little Asuka she was still carrying; but when she opened her eyes, she was alone, standing on the yellow-bricked road once more.

Behind her, endless fields stretched on both sides of the road, filled with plants of all conceivable colours. Asuka was gone – but the touch of her small hands, the subtle smell of strawberry shampoo she loved so much, the sound of her breath – it all lingered in Kyoko's senses. She spent a long while relishing in it, then forced her sorrow down. ' _She's out there, older, and still in need of me. The sooner I'm done here, the sooner I get to hold her for real.'_

Her other self was standing further down the road, no further than a hundred metres away, beckoning her with slow, stiff motions of her hand. Kyoko took a deep breath and started walking.

...

A blink of her eye later, she was facing another obstacle. A set of new sculptures barred the way, in exactly the same manner as before – but now there were five, not three. The fence was bisecting the fields, underscoring its role as the barrier.

' _Another choice, another sphere to resolve. Let's take a look – what options do I have_ _ **now**_ _?'_

The first sculpture was difficult to look at; it was a chaotic mix of many shapes and numerous figures, many deformed, most obscured by shadow and outright darkness, all mingling together among trees. Looking at it from various angles just increased the impression of disorder and disarray; the landscape changed as in some bizarre kaleidoscope. There was but a single commonality to all the angles: a small figurine of a woman, sitting above the chaos on a throne made of darkness and wearing a crown of bone and wood, tipped with stars. Kyoko blinked at that image; there was something wrong with the woman's face: sometimes, there was no mouth, sometimes there were too many eyes. She averted her eyes; looking too long at any of the gateways was a bad idea anyway.

The second one was already familiar to her: the obscene depictions of all conceivable and some inconceivable sexual acts. It was a little bit different this time, though, even more complex: most scenes involved spectators. Kyoko looked away; this likely meant something, but Kyoko was not eager to delve deeper to find the hidden meanings out.

The third one was also familiar: it depicted the old, haggard man; depending on the angle, he sometimes seemed to be dead and decomposing, sometimes alive but dying. This sculpture did not change; there was no reason to look at it any longer than it was necessary in order to identify it.

The fourth one was entirely new: from one point of view, it depicted two people shouting at each other. From another, it showed a person angrily walking away from two other people; those left looked sad. From yet another angle, it seemed to depict a group of people engrossed in discussion, most looking dejected, some yelling aggressively. An odd angle presented a figure tearing some officially-looking document. None of the scenes seemed to be particularly disturbing – a pleasant change from the previous gateways – but none was pleasant to behold, either.

The fifth one, new to Kyoko eyes as well, seemed out of place in its simplicity: seen from the front, it looked like a figure of a woman with a sword and a scale – but instead of holding the scale up for everyone to see, the woman was unbalancing it with her sword. Viewed from one side, the sculpture turned into a younger woman with a laurel wreath on her head and a scale in front of her; she was looking around nervously while surreptitiously adding weight to one of the sides. Viewed from the other, the figure turned into a half-naked, tattooed woman with a hideous face; she was holding a club in her hands and staring threateningly.

Kyoko sighed. The tale told by Yui did not say much about further encounters, but she remembered the layout of the paths from the beautiful illustration Yui had shown her in the book. ' _The old man is corrosion, and the orgies are obscenity. That I know already. The next one is likely representing conflict, dispute, discord…'_ she turned to the first one and tried to keep it from making her dizzy. ' _And chaos is likely the path I came here from, the forest is quite indicative. Not to mention this strange queen atop of it.'_

She averted her eyes from the swirl of figures and blinked several times to clear her vision. Then, she turned to the last sculpture. ' _Themis and her daughters, but the Themis is wrong, like an antithesis of herself… I wonder, would she be called "Antithemis"?'_ she chuckled to herself at the bad joke _. 'This must be injustice or deceit… except I am leaving the domain of deceit and the paths do not wrap on themselves. Injustice it is, then.'_

She beheld the figures once more. ' _But which one is the correct choice? Corrosion, because my marriage was failing, and my work was slowly destroying me? Discord, because of domestic arguments and office politics? Or injustice, due to what has befallen my other self? Or perhaps obscenity, because…'_

She pondered for a moment. No good reason came for this one. ' _Not obscenity, then. What has happened to my other self I saw a moment ago, so rather not injustice. Chaos is where I came from; "there is little merit in going back", the lesson said. So, those are out. Discord or corrosion it is.'_

She took a deep breath; this seemed like an arbitrary choice, but she really did not want to make a mistake here: while time was likely not a problem, working out deceit and facing her husband's infidelity took a toll on her, and it was likely that the subsequent spheres would cost her even more. Wasting strength – and sanity – on pointless cases was a bad idea. There was only one way to do it right.

She closed her eyes and spoke out loud: "What it should it be, Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu? Corruption, conflict, obscenity, or injustice? Will you help me this time?"

She heard the rustling of leaves. She knew what she would see when opening her eyes; she hesitated. This was not going to be pleasant. Still, it had to be done.

Her other self was standing behind the gates, her gnarled hand jammed between the various shapes of the fourth sculpture. As Kyoko shifted her perspective, the hand seemed to be grasping at the throats of the various figures – but always on the aggressors, never on those that looked sad, dejected, or down.

"Discord" Kyoko stated with only a hint of doubt in her voice. "Conflict, dispute, Streit… Well, makes sense, you seek vengeance on those who wronged you… wronged us. I do hope I'm not be forced to actually fight there… I was never really a warrior, you know. Asuka got that part from our unfaithful husband; one good thing he gave her, I guess" she continued, sadness tainting her voice.

Taking a deep breath, she reached out to touch the sculpture; as previously, her other self retreated, mirroring the move; Kyoko smiled sadly. "Still a long road ahead of us, right?" she asked, touching the warm metal. The gate sculpture split in half exactly as the previous one, and the gate opened; there was a dark corridor behind them, lit only by the green lights of the standard office EXIT plates. ' _Huh. I was expecting something else… Well, my subconsciousness keeps surprising me, perhaps I should get used to it. Here goes nothing…'_

She took a deep breath and stepped through.

...

 _Outside_

To say that Ritsuko Akagi was in a foul mood would be saying that summers in Japan were warm.

Her error during the battle with Sahaquiel, while not revealed to her team in detail and known to them only from conjecture, earned her a no-holds-barred reprimand from Gendo once he returned. He even went through the trouble of reading her several excerpts from the reports the personnel provided. Most of them were positive, but he perfectly interspaced them with those that put her competence in question, along with requests for elaboration on every single mistake he could dig out from the past. When she left his office, she was feeling like drinking a whole bottle of wine and going to sleep… but, of course, the Commander has arranged it so that this meeting was the first thing in the morning, and – perfectly knowing her work pattern – he ordered her to be there at 07:00.

' _A small miracle he didn't ask about any anomalies in Eva behaviour… Had he asked, I would likely have told him everything about this little oversight. Good it was not the point of this torture session. And I thought I_ _ **enjoyed**_ _him being dominating…'_ she gnashed her teeth.

"Akagi-sempai?" a soft voice interrupted her angry thoughts.

"What?!" she snapped angrily, only to change the tone of her voice once she saw the scared face of her assistant. Bitter as Ritsuko might have been, Maya was not at fault here, and she had never been anything else than helpful, devoted, and caring. All that to a degree that often made Ritsuko uncomfortable, but on the other hand, that was one of the few lights left in her life. "Sorry, Maya. It's not the best day of my life. What is it?" she asked in a weary voice.

"Sempai, you requested a report on current and historical data on Evangelion activity in their resting state. For now" she reached for her notes "they are confusing again. Unit-00 is perfect green, Unit-01 had some spikes earlier this morning, but now has readings in the green; still, they are a little erratic, indicating some instability that may escalate…" she hesitated. "And Unit-02 is in a state that would indicate meditation in a human."

"Meditation?" Ritsuko rubbed her face.

"I can't think of a better term for that, I'm sorry. The closest term would be 'introspection', but that would be an understatement. The readings are far below the average threshold, but despite this lack of activity, every system reads fine. I had to increase the resolution to ensure there was still activity. Here are the current readings" she handed the pad to her sempai. "And here you will find the historical data" she handed her a larger file of papers.

"Thank you, Maya" Ritsuko replied in a tired voice. "I'll get to it as soon as possible. It's good news that Unit-02 is returning to stability, still, it'd be better to know why." She sighed. "And how are the preparations to the Reduced Barrier Synchronisation Test progressing?"

It took Maya a moment to comprehend what her sempai was referring to. "Ah. Yes. We will need a few more days to install the new sensors, and a few more days to calibrate the system" she replied. "This has not been given top priority in-"

"In the light of recent developments, I know" Ritsuko almost barked. "I know, new procedures enforced by the Commander make all 'pure curiosity' projects, as he calls them, secondary" her voice was dripping with venom, prompting a worried look from Maya. "'Pure curiosity', right. I'd love to see his disregard for science to bite him in the ass someday."

Maya did not reply; from the look on her face, she felt increasingly uncomfortable. Ritsuko turned her eyes on her. "That's all, Maya. Go back to your work, the sooner we're done with this crap, the sooner we can get back to proper science."

"Yes, Akagi-sempai! Do you need another coffee?" she asked with a relieved smile.

"No, unless you can get me another heart and another stomach to go with it. Or a caffeine IV drip to at least spare the stomach" she replied morosely. Seeing that Maya was still standing there, her face confused, she added: "A joke, Maya. No, thank you, you can go."

"Yes, sempai!"

Ritsuko followed her with her gaze. She definitely did not deserve this girl's devotion, and sure as hell she did not deserve her love. But considering the circumstances, she could not keep going without either at the moment. She just hoped they both lived long enough to repay her somehow. After finding a way to do so, of course.

...

The corridor was dark, with few light sources providing points of orientation; distant voices, unintelligible for Kyoko's ears, echoed between the walls; cold air smelled of old and unmaintained air conditioning. She was taking careful steps, one hand on the wall. Squinting, she could see some plates next to the door; it was too dark to read them, though. She tried several of the door handles – but all the doors were locked. Not even an attempt to will them open worked this time. ' _What is this place? Feels like the office I did my Eva work in, but… I don't remember any blackout, or any time corridor looked like that. And what did it have to do with "discord" or "conflict"?'_

She noticed a faint light squeezing from beneath one of the doors – the only source of light except green EXIT signs and red smoke detector diodes. Steeping up her pace, she reached it and rested her hand on the door handle.

She suddenly found herself sitting in a well-lit conference room, filled with people she recognised as work colleagues from the early stages of the GEHIRN project research. The person presenting was a Japanese woman who was describing some odd process diagram in impeccable, British-accented English. Kyoko knew her; that was-

"Doctor Akagi, a question?" someone closer to the screen raised his hand. Kyoko recalled the face; it was Reinhard Holzmann, the chief engineer of the facility.

' _Akagi? Same as the scientist that does the poking-and-prodding every time we get out of line?'_

"Yes, Herr… Holzmann?" the woman glared at the man with barely-concealed hatred.

"While I admit your research is impressive, this is a radical change, and an entirely new direction. It will cause untold problems in implementation. Are you sure this is a good idea? I'm aware the Japanese branch has made **some** progress, but to force it upon all the branches-"

"Herr Holzmann."

The address was laced in venom so heavily that it felt like it could actually kill an unprepared person. "This is not **some** progress. In case you haven't been paying attention, we developed a reliable and sufficiently safe approach to the cloning process. You'd be wise to adjust your methods, no matter how _radical_ they may seem and how _problematic_ their implementation may be. I did not travel half the world, slowing down my own research in the process to present you with something that wasn't tried, tested, and **working** " the doctor elaborated, then paused. "Of course, feel free to ignore it and stick to the dead-end approach, by all means. I am sure the American branch will be more than happy to be the first to adopt the solution, after Japan, of course. But I came to you first, and I give you the opportunity" she fell silent for a moment and let the words sink in. "Can I have your permission to continue?" the venomousness of the words did not lessen. Some people smirked discreetly, some seemed appalled.

"Y-yes, of course. Please continue" the engineer retreated into his seat.

"Thank you" came a slightly less venomous reply.

Kyoko closed her eyes. She remembered this meeting happened, along with several ones following. Of course not in such detail – apparently, her subconscious mind pulled a forgotten memory or – more likely – reconstructed the scene. This was the time when new data were brought from stunning discoveries of the Japanese branch, and their work indeed accelerated, but not before some serious internal issues had to be resolved – and that took them several months.

She closed her eyes, sore from the bright conference room lights. When she reopened them, she was standing in the entrance to the laboratory she did her work in. A figure in a tattered lab coat was standing mere metres from her, her back turned to Kyoko, her hair messy. One of her hands was outstretched and stiffly pointing to a stack of papers on her desk.

"Oh hello. I guess you're not going to tell me what I am supposed to do here, but that's the point where I should start?"

The figure did not reply; her outstretched arm twitched, pointing on the stack of papers with an emphasis, then shivered visibly and dissolved into the thin air. Kyoko took a moment to calm her breathing, then approached the desk. The papers were test results from the third attempt at the new cloning process. ' _Oh. This looks… bad.'_

Her memories on the matter suddenly resurfaced. Her guts turned with the feelings of guilt. ' _Scheisse._ _ **That**_ _mess… well, fair enough, it did weigh on me for a while.'_

She sat at what has been her desk and started to recollect the details.

It did not take her too long to restore her memory on the matter; the notes – provided either by her subconscious mind or by her other self – contained it all. Including a file on the chief engineer, her direct superior.

' _Herr Reinhard Holzmann'_ she recalled, looking at the photo of a 40-something man _. 'He was opposing the introduction of the new growth process the Japanese branch brought it. He claimed it to be absurd and "wishful thinking". To his credit, a lot of the process did sound like magic. On the other hand, the whole GEHIRN work was essentially_ _ **based**_ _on a near-magical level of technology…'_ she sighed. ' _Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic, and we had to work through that technology, without a good manual.'_

She shook that sentiment off. She was in awe – and dread – of Evangelion technology then, but since she became part of it and fought as part of it, this awe has worn off a bit. It was still a marvel of engineering, no doubt, but it had flaws. First and foremost, it would be useless without a compatible soul; from an engineering point of view, a fatal design flaw and a single point of failure.

Refocusing on the papers, she started to ponder her options. Kyoko was no psychologist; she was not sure what exactly was necessary to heal her other self – or at least reconcile with it – but if the previous realm was to be any indication, the overarching theme was _doing it right this time_ – possibly for some form of closure or at least some satisfaction.

' _It was a rough time. I barely slept, everybody was on their toes… and accidents happened.'_

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Opening them, she grasped the railing that she suddenly found under her hands. Right before her eyes, there was a large open space she recognised as one of Institute's facilities. ' _Growth Area 02… Wasn't this where the accident-'_

A loud, bloodcurdling scream cut her train of thoughts. Rushing towards the source of the sound, she already knew what she was going to find there; her stomach turned at the thought.

One of the line technicians, a person responsible for tissue testing, was grasping her right forearm with her left hand and desperately trying to get her hand out of the suddenly growing tissue mass in front of her. Her screams continued and Kyoko knew that the poor woman is not going to get her hand out – it was already being absorbed and either turned into Eva tissue or digested to fuel its growth. Kyoko watched the events unravel exactly as she remembered them.

The line was halted, and the emergency response team stepped in; the team's commander took a few seconds to assess the situation, then gave an order to inject the growing mass with a toxin that would kill it without harming a human – or, actually, would have killed it if it was in the state it was supposed to be. A few seconds after his order was followed, the tissue mass expanded again; this sudden spurt took the technician whole arm and kept going higher up to her neck and chest, effortlessly dissolving clothing and skin alike in its wake.

Kyoko shut her eyes tight, something she did not when she witnessed the accident the first time. It did not help much, as the memories reasserted themselves: the horrific screaming abruptly stopping when the cloned tissue expanded further and entered the woman's throat and destroyed her vocal chords; the sickening popping sound when the tendrils pierced the muscles and penetrated her lungs; the absolute terror in her eyes the tissue went even further up-

Kyoko found herself on the floor – of her own office, she absentmindedly noticed – retching violently. That was a scene she saw in her nightmares for a while after the original accident before she managed to bury it deep. ' _Why didn't I remember it until now? It… it had to go to my other self. I wonder how many such "jewels" she got in the bargain. No wonder she ended up a death seeker…'_

She collected herself and returned to the desk, conjured herself a glass of cold water to wash the foul taste away, and returned to the documents. The incident was not the only one to happen, but it was the only fatal one – and it was the one that launched a full-scale investigation that officially confirmed what she already knew.

That Herr Holzmann was to blame.

It kept coming back to her. Officially, the new process was being slowly, but successfully introduced; the documentation and all the manuals reflected that. But in truth, it was merely a superficial change, camouflaging the fact that the old way of manufacturing Evangelion tissue was retained, using the process Herr Holzmann still considered superior, contrary to all the evidence provided by Japan branch. The problem is that at some stage, parts of the documentation stopped reflecting the reality; as long as it was about quality, it merely messed the indicators up; but once it came to safety, suddenly the very real dangers at some stages were not indicated, while other stages had superfluous warning labels attached to them. In most cases, the technicians were routinely following both the old safety measures out of habit, as well as the new ones. This approach worked, with just a few minor incidents – until a newly trained technician who did not know the old safety procedures was assigned to the line. She accidentally touched a growth-capable tissue that subsequently ate her alive. The rescue team followed the new emergency procedure – which failed to work as expected, and the threat was not contained until a second-stage containment procedure was implemented: a wide-spectrum toxin. Unfortunately, this caused the incident – that under normal conditions would end up in a forearm amputation at worst – became fatal.

' _And I was responsible, if only due to negligence'_ Kyoko concluded with horror.

She started realising there were inconsistencies after a few days after the new process was officially announced. She dismissed them as a normal thing – when a new process is introduced, problems are always expected, even with an experienced crew. But instead of slowly disappearing as the crew eased into the new process, the incidents increased in both frequency and severity: a case of tissue mass dying after being soaked in nutritional fluid, despite the technician following the new instruction to the letter; a full-day stop when one of the already specialised muscle masses suddenly erupted in growth during the gamma-ray exposure and forced the replacement of the entire radiation chamber; a safety incident when one of the technicians received an incorrect reading from a sensor and opened the screens far too soon, giving himself a dose just short of 200 Sv in the process…

Kyoko had her hands full at that time; those incidents were too serious to dismiss as snags in the process, and each of them required a full report. All the reports went to the chief engineer who was supposed to give his stamp of approval and relay them up to his superior, the Institute director; he emphatically ordered Kyoko not to send them herself until he had time to read them, and once he did, he would deliver them himself with his own notes and insights.

' _In hindsight, this should've been a red flag, but "young and stupid" described me quite well then… I just wonder that while I'm quite sure I lost the "young" part, have I also grown out of the "stupid"?'_

Returning to the papers that grew into several large binders in the meantime, Kyoko recalled that the incidents kept happening. She did her best to identify the causes and, in the process, she quickly noticed the growing discrepancies between reality and documentation. A week before the fatal accident she was certain that the process was not the one documented. She took it to Holzmann-

"Doktor Soryu" the man started in his low voice, laced with rasp he acquired from decades of smoking. He was staring at Kyoko from behind his large desk. "Your academic work had been stellar, and your conduct here has been exemplary. Your handling of all the technical problems I delegate to you is perfect as well" he continued. Kyoko instinctively sensed a coming 'but' and prepared herself for the blow. "But I will **not** have you question decisions of far more experienced people" he raised his voice only a notch, but it was enough to make her take a half-step back. His face immediately softened. "Keep up your good work with containment and let the old guard resolve the underlying problems. I know you can do your part, as you have proven that time and again. Can I count on you to keep up the same level of competence?"

Kyoko remembered well what she said back then: "Yes, sir. I will do my best." This was rewarded with a smile and praise of her reliability. She shivered; in hindsight, this praise carried a heavy price tag-

An eyeblink later, she once more stood a few meters from the screaming technician. This time, she could not even close her eyes when the woman's eyes perished and the aggressive Evangelion tissue entered the bleeding eye sockets. She could not avert her eyes when the rest of her body was absorbed. And she kept watching as the emergency response team finally terminated the chaotically shifting blob of alien flesh, cut it open carefully, and found no recognisable human body underneath, only a partial skeleton. Kyoko pondered with horror how long did it take for the woman's nerve system to fail under the circumstances.

She found herself back in her office, no longer feeling nauseous – just numb. She sat at her desk for a long while before chancing a look at the binder again and allowing the memories to flow again.

It took that fatal incident for the Institute's director to launch a full-scale investigation. The tissue production process was halted entirely, and the lines underwent a meticulous inspection with independent oversight of a – sufficiently security and secrecy cleared – government inspector. The truth about Holzmann and a few of his trusted colleagues came out; it became clear that they rejected the new process and kept using the old one while pretending to adopt new solutions. The abuse of their authority – few dared to question the chief engineer – and numerous deceptions – like false sensor readings – allowed them to keep everyone else in the dark for several weeks.

In the end, Herr Holzmann and his cohort were found guilty of sabotage, negligence, conspiracy, causing the death of one and injuries of several technicians, and scientific misconduct. They were removed from the Institute and held to trial, where they received lengthy prison sentences. The trial has been short, but Kyoko was barely able to sleep during that time. It was rumoured that the verdict should have been 'guilty' for everyone, if not for participation, then for failure to report or simple negligence. But then, the branch would have to accept replacement personnel from USA or Japan branch, or be shut down entirely – and the government was unwilling to accept that: German branch of GEHIRN was simply too prestigious, even if it was no longer the primary one. So, the higher powers simply decided that only active participation – and proven one, on top of that – was to be punishable. The rest of the Institute's higher personnel has been cleared of charges – Kyoko among them – and given the order to introduce the new process properly and to resume operations as soon as humanly possible. They succeeded, of course, but while there have been no fatalities, the price has been high: at least two people involved retired later for health reasons.

Finishing her reading, Kyoko closed the binder and took a deep breath. ' _I'd rather not see a woman getting eaten by Eva flesh for a third… fourth time'_ she shuddered. ' _So… I have to avert that incident.'_

She went through the memories. She was fairly sure she knew what happened – the technician approached the tissue carelessly, not aware it was growth-prone, as it should not be at this stage. All it took was to stop the line before that, or merely make the woman aware of the danger before-

The screams echoed in the hall. The visage of terror that was the woman's face stared at Kyoko in all its nightmarish glory. She clenched her teeth and tried to look away. Instead, her eyes went up, to the railing where two silhouettes stood. One was Holzmann's – his hair and trademark green tie were easy to recognise. The other was easy to recognise as well – and made her shiver. It was clothed in a ragged lab coat, had gnarled limbs and shadowed face, and was pointing with her crooked finger directly at the man.

' _Oh. Of course. Uproot the cause, not heal the symptom. Why am I not thinking clearly yet?'_

The woman died horribly for the fourth time and Kyoko found herself once more in her office, feeling cold, but determined.

The incident reports were scattered across her desk. She calmly went to her shelf and picked up an empty binder, then collected all the reports, annotated them with dates and details of possible causes, wrote a half-page letter with an explanation, and put it all together. Then, she requested a meeting with the Institute's director and a few hours later, was presenting the case to him-

-and found herself witnessing disjointed scenes of herself heading a comprehensive inspection of the tissue production line, followed by a trial of the conspirators. She was testifying there, along with all the line technicians – including the woman whose horrific death she saw so many times. The judge's hammer struck-

She was standing alone in the dimly lit office. Her other self was in the doorframe, her back turned.

"Is this what you wanted?" she addressed the figure, not expecting much of an answer. "This will not bring anyone back" she continued bitterly. "That woman is still dead, and those injured still bear the scars. The project was set back. I- we made a career on the backs of Holzmann and the others. Reliving it in a different light, pretending it got fixed, changes nothing" she kept going.

To her surprise, there was a reaction – her other self shook her head; she could not see the face, but the gesture struck her almost as…

' _Sad? Does that mean she agrees with me? Disagrees? Just understands? I'd love to see her face, that could provide_ _ **some**_ _hint…'_

The other Kyoko did not turn, merely moved her arm and made a beckoning gesture. This, of course, made the impression even worse. ' _Joints_ _ **do not work that way**_ _'_ was Kyoko's main, sudden, panicked thought. Still, she forced herself to take a step towards the door, following her other self as she left the room.

As she half-expected, she found herself on the yellow-bricked road once more, surrounded by the colourful fields. Her other self was, as expected as well, nowhere to be found.

"Here we go again", she sighed, but not without a smile. "Three down, I wonder how many more to go?" she thought as she took a step, fully expecting to find herself facing another set of gateways.

Taking a step and extending her hand, she touched the warm metal, smiled, and braced herself before taking a look at the sculptures.

...

Yui Ikari entered the pleasant forest that surrounded the mansion. She was quite aware it was an attempt to take her mind off Kyoko's whereabouts; being unable to assist in any manner, or even learn what was happening to her… guest? friend? someone more? was putting a strain on her composure. Not that she would actually admit it: there was some work to be done, so she was focusing on it. Being restless had nothing to do with it.

She approached the first bird feeder and took a quick glance at the contents. Everything she placed there was untouched: the seeds, the nuts, the breadcrumbs, the corn kernels. She sighed, disappointed.

Next feeder she went to was similarly pristine: the pieces of fresh pork, chopped liver, smoked meat, cooked chicken. The lack of insects and the conditions she set on the feeder ensured it was not rotten or even distinctly spoiled, of course; therefore, the only conclusion was that whatever was out there was uninterested in meat.

She approached the third one without much hope – and froze in place. It was half-empty. It originally contained sweets: cookies, pieces chocolate, some jellies, and a variety of crystallised fruits. But all the fruits were gone, and so was the chocolate. The cookies were intact, except one that was half-bitten. The jellies were untouched entirely.

"Oh my. Did I succeed?" she asked no-one in particular, her voice excited.

She approached the feeder carefully, looking under her feet and watching every step. Unfortunately, the grass and the foliage held few tracks – just enough to tell her that someone has indeed been here.

"I did. Gods, it worked!" she whispered, her excitement growing. "Question is: what exactly am I dealing with? And, more importantly… how do I catch it? Or rather – how do I track it first?"

She took a step back. A moment of focusing on the feeder and its surroundings resulted in grass and roots being replaced by damp sand.

' _This should do it'_ she admired her work and started to walk away. ' _Ah, yes, one more thing'_ , she realised.

After a moment of concentration, the feeder was full again; cookies and jellies were replaced by varying flavours of fruits and a far greater variety of chocolate. After testing the sand surface and smoothing it out again, Yui retreated carefully to adjust the remaining feeders for the clearly more desired bait; once away from the sand, her step turned to a happy skip, completely disregarding the 'serious matron' persona.

In all her elation, she missed a pair of watchful eyes gazing at her from behind the bushes; eyes that were cautious, wild, and feral – but also inquisitive.

...

Kyoko was facing another gateway. This time, it was curved and contained the largest number of sculptures to date; as she was expecting, some of them were familiar, some were new.

The first one she saw before: a middle-aged, handsome man in a perfect suit, with an equally perfect face bearing the false smile. It kept changing in subtle ways: sometimes a stuffed envelope in the pocket was visible, sometimes a knife in his hand could be seen, sometimes the hand was blooded. ' _That I put behind me, in the most unexpected way. I'm not going back there.'_

The second one was also well known to Kyoko, as she kept seeing it: the depiction of all thinkable, many unthinkable, and some impossible sexual acts in the most obscene ways possible. She shivered. ' _Is this some way of my subconscious telling me I should face this aspect of myself? Not that there is much to face…'_ she recalled, both wistfully and with relief. ' _But… "There is little merit in going back", right? Obscenity was in the lower rank of spheres if I recall the tree correctly. So, this is not the way, either. Hopefully'_ she shivered a bit.

The third sculpture was recognisable from the first gateway she encountered as well: the beggar, dying on the street. It did not become any less disturbing by repeated viewing; Kyoko focused on its meaning, ignoring the smell she was sure was merely a figment of her imagination. ' _Corrosion and decay. There is nothing that would warrant it, and it would be going back, too. What's next?'_

The fourth one was new. It depicted a smiling adult – in most angles, a woman in domestic clothing, with variations of man in similar clothes or a woman in more business-like attire – standing behind a child and embracing it; depending on the point of view, the adult's hands changed positions – and sometimes there were more than two – but one thing was common: they always held the child extremely tight, clearly to its discomfort, and always covered something on its head. Sometimes it was the eyes that were covered, sometimes the ears, sometimes the mouth; but whenever the child's eyes were visible, they seemed afraid, even haunted; whenever the mouth was showing, it was tight and quivering, like trying to hold back a sob. ' _What would that be? Looks like some kind of abuse… no, nothing so overt. Love, but the twisted version. Smothering love, perhaps? I don't think I ever did_ _ **that**_ _to Asuka, but I may not remember everything…'_

The fifth one was also new. On a first look, it was a simple, classical representation of the myth of Sisyphus: a muscular naked man, depicted in perfect proportions, was rolling a boulder up the hill; the boulder was falling from his hands just before the peak. But when viewed from the sides, the sculpture turned to depict increasingly bizarre concepts: a highway with its lanes on different heights; a cart with square wheels, pulled by both horses and mules; a woman in domestic dress and an apron, ball-and-chain attached to both her feet – except the balls were children heads, and chains were made of small hands. Kyoko shivered and closed her eyes. ' _I guess it is going to get worse the deeper… or higher I go, right? But if we peel away the oddity, looks like… failure, opposition, inability to act. But there are two near the top of the Tree, active and passive… I need more context'_ she decided.

The sixth sculpture was unknown to Kyoko as well. It depicted a surreal landscape of several roads, crisscrossing each other at impossible angles; some were narrow and covered in sharp stones, some were smooth and wide, some were precipitous and littered with bones, others were flat and clean. They had one common trait: they led nowhere, turning back on each other or ending suddenly. Viewing the sculpture from different angles only made them twist, turn, and change into another complex set. Sometimes chasms or abatis would appear on them, along with a path that allowed to bypass them – only to, once again, lead nowhere. ' _All right, this looks like passive opposition, so the previous one had to be…'_ Kyoko interrupted her train of thought with a loud facepalm. ' _Of course. They go counter-clockwise, from the right. This is clearly the passive one: concealment, sterility, confusion._ ' She recalled the image from the book. ' _But this means I have just one more before I can get to the summit!'_ She turned her attention back to the gateway. ' _I guess it's one of those two… but let's not get ahead of ourselves.'_

The final, seventh one was once more familiar: a figure of a woman with a sword and a scale, unbalancing one with the other. The side versions did not change as well: a younger woman with a laurel wreath on her head and a scale in front of her, cheating on the scale, and a hideous, barbarian woman with a club. ' _Injustice. That would not be a step forward… if I recall correctly. So… which one of you do I choose? One of the oppositions, I guess, but which one?'_

Kyoko took a step back and beheld all the statues again, realising that something was not right. In all the previous cases, she was able to easily tell where one sculpture ended and another began, but this… this was different. She took another step back; the borders were there, but unlike in previous gateways, they were not straight and clear.

Blinking and shifting her point of view, she noticed yet another, far smaller, but clearly separate sculpture, squeezed between shapes representing both oppositions: a book with its pages tattered and torn. Taking a step forward while keeping her eyes focused on its form, she noticed the facets: a priest, putting chains on a book; a man in black uniform, throwing books into a large bonfire; a woman in a lab coat, tearing up papers. ' _Hatred? Inquisition? No… there were no such concepts here… so this has to be a disregard of knowledge, denial, false lore.'_ Recalling the image of the tree once more, she gritted her teeth. ' _This is also a valid path to the top… bottom… whatever. So, three options. What I am supposed to do, call my guide to come forth?'_

She took a look around. The landscape was full of colour; the fields were filled with flowers, grains, and other plants, some of which she did not recognise. She spared a long look at one of the stranger fields: it seemed to move independently of the wind and was filled with colours from pale, to tan, to brown, to grey, to black…

Seconds later, she turned away, pale and shaking, trying to forget the fact that the field she just beheld seemed to be made of various appendages: human hands were most common, but there were also animal hands, grasping vines, elephant trunks, and cephalopodic tentacles. All of them seemed to reach to her. She turned her back on it, hoping they were too far away to actually grasp her.

This has been a mistake. On the other side, there was a whole field of scarecrows, from the simplest straw-filled bags on a stick to most elaborate metal constructions, easily called robotic. Some seemed to be made of bone or even corpses, some seemed to be moving on their own accord, some seemed to be looking at her. She closed her eyes.

"What is wrong with you?!" she yelled out. "Show yourself, and don't play games with me!"

Kyoko turned abruptly again and stepped as close to the gate as possible, standing so close to it that she felt the warmth of the metal radiating on her skin. "Show yourself!" she demanded once more with far more desperation than she was willing to admit.

There was a movement behind the gateway, a slow shuffle, followed by silence once it came close. Kyoko slowly raised her head and forced herself to open her eyes. Once more, most of the creature's body was hidden behind the sculptures, but it was clearly her other self.

"Why are you showing me those… things?" Kyoko demanded.

There was no verbal reply, but a slow movement. The barely-visible head moved sideways – as much as someone with a snapped neck could move their head sideways – in a steady manner.

Kyoko tilted her head, confused. "No? No what?" she kept asking despite knowing there would be no proper answer. "Not you?"

A similarly odd nod was the only reply.

Kyoko shook her own head. "If those images are my own doing, I'm going to psychotherapy once I get out of here", she declared. "Oh. Wait. I wonder what psychotherapist would willing to work with the amount of trauma I carry in my head." She sighed. "And what psychotherapist would work with an Evangelion, and what NERV would say to that idea… Not to mention how am I going to describe **this** to anyone without sounding outright insane? No matter, not now" she shook her head again and refocused on the obscured figure in the tattered lab coat. "Which way, my guide? Which opposition do I have to overcome to help you? Passive, active? One against knowledge? Just please don't tell me 'all three', because I don't know if I'm strong enough for this…" she trailed off, desperation returning to her voice.

The gnarled hand reached through the sculpture's details and grasped the intricate networks of roads.

"Passive opposition? The lifelessness? All right. At least you- I don't blame myself for giving Asuka bad kind of love, I guess, or I don't feel guilty of destroying knowledge."

The hand retreated and Kyoko touched the structure. The roads untangled and opened the way to a simple path leading to an average, old-style German house. ' _Wait, that's… that's my family home?'_

"Why?" she asked out loud, but the only possible recipient of that question was no longer in sight. Keeping in mind what surrounded her before, she decided not to look around for her. She took another step-

-and found herself closing a small iron side gate in a fence surrounding her old family home in the countryside. There were voices coming from behind it; they sounded raised, like people were arguing.

' _I thought my childhood was a happy one? I wonder what trauma do I have to dig out now…'_ she thought with a heavy heart while making her way to the house garden.

...

Kyoko slowly entered the backyard, not certain whether she would be noticed or not; but this time, no one seemed to pay any attention to her. This was indeed her maternal grandparents' old house in the countryside – nothing big, by pre-Impact standards, but a luxury afterwards. Three people were seated in a gazebo: Kyoko easily recognised her parents – and her younger self. ' _This… this has to be before the Second Impact… I think I remember this occasion.'_

"…and this is, my dearest daughter, exactly the time when you should turn your eyes to the important matters" her father spoke in a raised, irritated voice.

' _Ugh. I_ _ **do**_ _remember this occasion. Once more, my subconsciousness is not pulling its punches. But why is it_ _ **here**_ _?'_ she pondered. ' _This is not exactly a time when I resisted something. Quite the opposite. Did I choose the wrong gate?'_

Kyoko turned, considering leaving, and froze mid-movement, her breath stopping. Someone was standing behind her; in the corner of her eye, she noticed an outstretched hand, pointing at the scene in front of her. She did not need to turn further to know who that is – the twisted fingers were all too familiar to her, as well as the tattered sleeve of a lab coat. A morbid curiosity was nagging her to turn and look in her other self's face – but some part of her was saying this was not the best idea. She absentmindedly noticed the mildly unpleasant, difficult to describe smell that surrounded her the moment she noticed her other self.

The hand gestured once more with an emphasis towards the scene. "All right, all right", Kyoko whispered, part-annoyed, part-amused, part-still-scared. "I'm watching." She turned her attention back to the scene; while logic would dictate that the events should have progressed further already, they resumed from the next sentence. Kyoko shrugged mentally; stranger things happened in her mind already.

"Father, I am already employed, at quite a good position", her younger self protested.

Her father sighed and her mother interjected hesitantly. "Yes, of course you are, dear daughter. But this is not all there is. Your father has a point…" she trailed off, uncertain whether to follow. "Even if he cannot get it across too well" she finished with a soft smile.

Kyoko's father raised his eyebrow. "You're not helping, dear wife" he spoke up with a notably less irritated voice. "Being employed is not enough" he turned his attention to Kyoko. "There are matters of the family. While I don't consider the family legacy to be endangered, thanks to your brother, you have a duty as well – to both of us, to both the families. You need to marry."

Kyoko noticed her younger's self hands curling into fists. A second later she realised her own hands mirrored that behaviour; the memory of emotions was still vivid inside her, despite this having happened nearly two decades ago. ' _Two decades, most of it I spent in dead storage, though…'_ Kyoko noticed dryly.

"Let me guess, Father" the younger Kyoko started with some venom in her voice. "You have employed a matchmaker and there is already a list of approved candidates, waiting to be invited to family lunches? And I thought we were not in Japan anymore."

' _Uh. Was I really_ _ **that**_ _rude?'_

Kyoko's father looked with disapproval; her mother tightened her lips. "I might be Japanese, daughter", he started, his voice calm but still tinted with irritation – or perhaps disappointment; Kyoko had a hard time to decide which stung more. "But your mother is not, and you were always more keen to follow her path" he looked at his wife wistfully; she returned the sentiment with an uncertain expression. "But I expect you to honour some of the tradition. I have not planned for an _omiai_ , and there is no… matchmaker involved. I simply expect you to find your own partner in a reasonable time – and carry on the family tradition" he elaborated. "This includes carrying your mother's noble name. I know that it matters to you as well."

There was a moment of silence; Kyoko's reactions still mirrored her younger self's. ' _I remember how angry I was in the beginning, and how ashamed I was later.'_

"Kyoko, dear" her mother spoke up, her voice concerned. "We will not force you. But giving everything to your work, without a family to return to, is not healthy. Please, give it some consideration. And do not reject a good man when he comes knocking."

Younger Kyoko smiled wryly. "As long as I'm sure he wasn't sent by you surreptitiously…"

Her mother chuckled, while her father rolled his eyes and opened his mouth. Her mother squeezed his hand and spoke first. "We will not… But I am asking you to promise us you will keep your eyes open and will think about marriage – and family."

Younger Kyoko nodded. "I promise."

Kyoko heard a hiss from behind her back and suddenly remembered what she thought at the time – or at least what she retained. ' _I wanted them to get off my back. I didn't care about men – no, I didn't care about anyone romantically. I was delving into science, into my work… Still, I obliged… to a point.'_

"Why am I here, Kyoko?" she turned her head to the side as much as she dared and addressed her other self. "If this is supposed to be some introduction, some background, it is surely a lengthy one, you know?"

An eyeblink later, she was sitting alone, at a table in a small apartment and holding some paper in her hand.

' _This… this is where I lived soon after…'_

She eyed the paper; it was a letter from her mother. Not the first one after the cataclysm, clearly – the first ones were shorter, hectic, maybe not panicky, but certainly not elaborate.

In the wake of Second Impact, most services became unreliable, and communication was problematic; one of the few institutions that continued to operate nearly uninterrupted, even on the heavily affected areas, was Deutsche Post. The letters, a form of communication Kyoko considered outdated, especially in her line of work, once more became the most reliable – if definitely not the fastest – way of communicating.

This one came in late December of 2000, two months after the catastrophe. Her mother, when given time, wrote in wonderfully calligraphed gothic handwriting; every letter was a work of art. Of course, it was not so with the first letter after the Second Impact – the one that informed her that her parents were safe, but her brother was missing.

Tears appeared in Kyoko's eyes. He lived in Hamburg; the city was swallowed by the sea and never recovered. He and his wife were never found. She grieved for him, but never realised what other undertones it carried.

Her eyes fell on the letter. "…und es ist jetzt Deine Pflicht, den Familiennamen fortzuführen."

' _It is now your duty to carry on the family name. I was the only one left.'_

The scene shifted. She was standing in front of a congregation of people, all of them well-dressed; her parents were at her side, and her husband was in front of her. It took her a moment to realise where she was: ' _Soon-to-be husband. Right.'_ She recalled that day quite well. It was early June 2001: the world was slowly recovering from the catastrophic flooding, but the weather patterns had shown that some damage to the climate was greater than anticipated; the winter was very warm, and the summer storms began already in April. Kyoko's soul was also in turmoil.

Not long after the Second Impact, she was reassigned to a different division of the company; something that would soon become GEHIRN. The work there was far more fascinating, far more dangerous, and far more rewarding – for someone like her, it was like a dream come true. It also left very little time for anything else, which would not be a problem – if not for the increasing family pressure.

' _I was young and stupid… well, not_ _ **stupid**_ _, but certainly careless. I… I followed the path of the least resistance. I took the first man that gave me attention, and I followed him, spent time with him, gave him what he wanted so that he'd keep providing me with his company, nodded when he made family plans… Then I realised I was careless with my contraception, I panicked, told him, and… well. This happened.'_

Her perspective shifted. She was standing in the pews, side to side with a familiar figure she dared not to look at; this time, her other self was in a dress – it was still tattered and fraying, of course – and had its nails driven painfully deep into the wood of the pew. They both watched the vows being exchanged in a simple ceremony. When the young pastor proclaimed their marriage in the name of God, Kyoko clenched her teeth.

' _My parents were_ _ **so**_ _proud. Mama knew I was pregnant then, Papa learned soon after; he pretended to be scandalised for a while, but I knew he was glad as well. This was supposed to be his heir to the family… he wasn't so glad when it turned to be a girl, but I'm sure he hoped there would be another.'_

Her jaws remained clenched as she watched herself leave with her recently wed husband. Younger Kyoko was smiling, but there was a shadow in her eye. A doubt, that would grow over time, culminating in-

A sudden shift in perspective made her dizzy.

She was standing in the hospital room, where an emaciated and hollow-eyed woman was climbing her bed, a rope already attached to the ceiling and a doll already hanging.

Kyoko shivered all over her body.

"This? This is a direct consequence in your mind?!"

The woman ignored her.

"What I am supposed to do?! What… was I supposed to do?" Kyoko confused herself momentarily with tenses. "Stop the marriage? Terminate the pregnancy? Asuka was the only light I had back then!"

The woman stopped short of putting the noose around her neck. Her long finger pointed to the hanging doll with eyes made of buttons and hair made of red wool.

Kyoko's stomach turned. "What are you telling me?"

The woman shrugged and smiled a ghastly smile, then proceeded to put the improvised noose on. Kyoko shut her eyes and turned away. She expected a cracking sound, but instead, she heard a struggle. Another wave of shivers passed through her body.

' _I couldn't even kill myself properly'_ she realised with dismay mixed with horror. ' _And I still don't know how to fix this…'_

Opening her eyes, she found herself once more in her apartment, poring over the letter from her mother.

' _Right. Here we go again. Still – what am I supposed to do?'_

...

Yui Ikari was humming to herself while returning to the mansion in a skipping step. Her plan worked – she managed to lure the elusive guest and find out more about its tastes; she also prepared the ways to track her. Now that the improved trap has been prepared, she had to do the easiest part – she just had to wait.

The melody and the skip suddenly ceased when her eyes caught the garden table and its empty chairs. She clenched her teeth as thoughts race through her head.

"I guess the library needs some reorganisation" she finally sighed and started walking back to the mansion. This time, every step felt like wading through mud.

...

Kyoko paced around in her small apartment. ' _I need to keep Asuka, that's for sure… but it's not the point here. What-'_

She suddenly found herself in the doorframe of a larger apartment, one she shared with her then-husband, one in which they lived once Asuka was born. ' _What? Why?'_

It was slowly getting dark; the hot and dusty air of the afternoon was slowly changing into still warm but far more breathable air of the evening. Most European countries had not suffered from the Second Impact as severely as the island nations did, but the climate change has affected everyone, especially in the older cities that were already suffering from smog and elevated temperature.

Taking a lungful of the evening breeze, Kyoko braced herself and took a step towards the apartment's interior, only to stop on hearing something unexpected: sobbing, coming from somewhere near. Following the sound, she entered Asuka's room – and Asuka herself, even smaller than one she remembered from the hospital. The girl had her face in her hands and did not even notice her until Kyoko sat next to her. "Hello, dear" she addressed her softly. "I thought you could use some company" she smiled carefully.

The girl raised her eyes, red from crying. "Sie streiten, wieder" she complained between sobs.

Kyoko sighed. Standing up, she patted the girl on her head. "Ich bin gleich zurück" she told her. The raised voices were clearly audible, so when she exited Asuka's room, they became almost deafening in their attempts to speak over each other. She sighed once more. ' _Is my other self saying I had a lousy taste in men? On the other hand, show me a relationship that doesn't have a fight once in a while…'_

Her thoughts were broken by a particularly vicious yell from her and the sound of door slamming; her husband has just departed the bedroom, his face angry. "Don't you dare walk out on me, idiot!" Kyoko recognised her own voice, followed by the sound of door opening and sight of her younger self following him. They both ignored her, of course. Entering the bedroom, she noticed a broken lamp, its glass parts embedded in the carpet.

' _All right, but not all couples destroy things in the process… I don't remember it being_ _ **so**_ _bad, though…'_

"Sind sie weg?" Kyoko turned to the doorway. Little Asuka was standing there, eyeing the destruction.

"Ja, sie sind weg." She approached Asuka and hugged her tightly. Her thoughts raced.

' _Asuka stays… but he is gone. Well, it's not that hard to achieve…'_

She felt her surroundings shift; she released the girl and rose to her feet before opening her eyes.

"Would you marry me, then? For your happiness, my happiness… and the happiness of the one you just told me about?" He was kneeling in front of her, holding a box with a ring in his hand, his other hand tucked behind his back, his head bowed courteously.

In hindsight, Kyoko realised she should not have been **that** brutal to him, creation of her mind or not. But at that very moment, this seemed just appropriate. Fuelled by a flood of memories, she started:

"Let's see, my love… so we could marry, have a first serious fight as soon than a week later and not talk to each other for another week, then keep having a fight every week when we're around. Spend more time separate than together. Then, we would scandalise our parents with the fact that a little girl would be born mere six months after we tie the knot, and keep fighting, often in front of her" she stopped to draw breath and savour the look on his face, slowly turning from a smile to shock, then to abject terror. "Then, when my work causes me to become infirm, you'd just drop me in the hospital and start cheating on me with a nurse or a doctor, forgetting the 'faith' and 'in sickness' parts, and then I'd die and you'd live a happy life with the same woman you cheated on me with… let me think… no." Kyoko stole a last look on his face and turned away.

A string of images followed: his very formal farewell; nights of doubt; a discussion with her parents, ended with them hugging her. ' _Aren't you getting optimistic here? They would likely not disown me, but I'm quite sure they'd pressure me to either abort and find someone else, or even reconcile with this asshole…'_

The scene wavered, but did not go away; it continued to her work in the Institute with the child being taken cared for by her parents, her failed Contact Experiment – but this time, ending with her never killing herself, but dying in her sleep later, when Asuka looked definitely older – and less traumatised by the events.

She found herself once more on the yellow-bricked road, with a wall a step away and a tattered figure already standing behind it.

"Perhaps you're right it'd be better. Perhaps you're wrong. Perhaps my optimism went to you" Kyoko smiled a crooked smile. "But this is your place, your dream, your fantasy, your… fixes. So, let's stick to that, shall we?" She took a step closer and noticed with some surprise that her other self did not retreat. "Where to now?"

...

Having reorganised the library in several different ways and finally leaving it as it was when she was explaining the journey to Kyoko, Yui found herself once more pacing the corridors of the mansion – and listening to hushed voices that were around her in cages. They were preparing her body for something, with the usual fear and reverence. ' _It would be a welcome distraction, I guess'_ she sighed.

Her steps brought her outside. The sun was in the sky, and the usual pleasant wind was whispering among the trees. ' _Well, time to check on them, I guess.'_

A moment later, Yui was no longer listening to anything: she was focused on examining a trail of small footprints, clearly visible in the wet sand. They led to the feeder, then around it, then away, into the forest, becoming subtler on the foliage. Judging by their size, they were left by children shoes. The feeder was mostly empty: the only thing that remained was a handful of crystallised strawberries: one of the new tastes she put in when re-doing the palate.

Changing her shoes into sturdier boots with a thought, Yui started to move slowly through the foliage in the direction the tracks led to, following every bent blade of grass. The tracks stopped at a larger growth of bushes that were near the limit of the mindscape. There was only a wall behind them – and a false background of blue sky and far-away mountains, put there to provide an illusion of this place being larger than it actually was.

"Hello?" she called out, softly. There was no response – but there was a small movement inside the growth. "Hello?" she tried again. "I'm not going to hurt you, but I would like to know who you are" Yui inquired softly while simultaneously crouching in an attempt to look less intimidating to the unknown guest; after all, everything indicated that it was no larger than a child.

There was still no reply. Yui sighed, produced a large caramel apple, and held it in an outstretched hand. "I have something you might like-"

She was unable to finish the sentence; small hands suddenly burst from the wall of bushes, grabbed the apple, unbalanced Yui in the process, and disappeared back. Yui heard a sound of happy munching a moment later.

She blinked while trying to regain her balance. She was not able to register much from this encounter. All that remained was an impression of fierceness, a flash of blue hair – and a dumbfounded expression on Yui's face.

...

Almost all of the sculptures were familiar to Kyoko; only one of them stood out as new. She focused on them, intently ignoring the surroundings, aware that they are likely to be even worse than the last time.

The first one was the woman with scales unbalanced by her sword. ' _Injustice. No.'_

The second one was the representation of two people shouting at each other. ' _I've been there. This is resolved… I hope. No, not there.'_

The third one was the Sisyphus turning into the bizarre representation of useless, obstructive things. ' _Active opposition, I guess… Maybe? But am I not close enough to-'_

Her eyes went to the fourth one: a perfect sphere, broken in half by a ragged edge. When viewed closely, the edges depicted images of battles, assassinations, and other forms of aggression, while then inside surface depicted images of suffering people, corpses, and screaming faces. ' _This is it. This is Disunity. My end of the road. This is my path'_ she realised, reaching for the sphere.

Her skin went cold, her stomach clenched, and her vision went white a second later; an inhumanly strong, burning-cold grasp was holding her wrist. She forced herself to look, only to confirm what she already knew: her other self's hand was stopping her from proceeding.

"Why?" she demanded, trying to sound less scared than she was. "This is the top of the tree! I have reached the penultimate row; I must go up!"

The grasp tightened ever more; Kyoko gasped from the pain. "You're hurting me!"

A hiss came from behind the sculptures; her counterpart's other hand grasped the sculpture depicting Sisyphus.

"What? One more sphere? But…" the grasp threatened to break her bones. "Let. Me. Go" she tried to find eyes hiding behind the interwoven metal. They had to be there, she was sure – but could not find them between the intricate patterns of the sculptures. "Let me go!"

Her other self was unwilling to yield. She felt like she was losing the feeling in that hand.

"All right!" she yelled out, exasperated. "Just hope I don't fail to understand what's going on, or worse – collapse from exhaustion. Or you're never going to get out of here" she added. ' _Nor am I, for that matter, but does she know that?'_

The grasp loosened and the hand retreated. Kyoko rubbed her wrist; her palm was cold and numb. She waited for a minute for the needles to vanish, then reached for the figure her counterpart was still grasping. ' _Active resistance. I wonder what will it get me into this time…'_ she thought while placing her hand on the metal representation of the stone near the summit. "I do hope you're right, and that you're not overestimating my abilities" she murmured angrily.

The gateway split and opened – leading once more into the apartment she moved into with her husband and Asuka shortly after Asuka's birth.

' _Another angle on my family life? Gods, I_ _ **really**_ _wish I could_ _ **talk**_ _to my guide… reflection… myself. But I guess moving from standing there menacingly to direct interventions counts as_ _ **some**_ _improvement… if a painful one'_ she shook her head and glanced at a wide bruise forming around the wrist. ' _All right, let's do it'_ she concluded and stepped through the gate – and the door to her apartment.

...

After listening to the happy munching and hearing the strange guest go deeper into the bushes, Yui decided not to disturb it anymore. Having made sure that the feeders were full again, she made her way back to the mansion, her head full of thoughts.

' _Have I imagined it? The only person with blue hair – that I know of, of course – is the odd pilot girl that I sometimes saw in the Cages… I wish I knew more about her. Even Gendo doesn't speak of her. She seems… familiar.'_

She sat down in the library chair again and delved into her memories, seeking the images of the blue-haired pilot. The most vivid one was about her seeing Shinji after all those years, just before he decided – or was forced – to pilot Unit-01. The girl was brought to pilot in his stead, most likely a ploy from Gendo to manipulate their son. The image in her mind was not perfect – she was focused on Shinji far more than the odd girl – but it was there.

' _A family? Unlikely, my guest seems to be a child. A soul has to be the pilot's mother or someone with an equally strong protective instinct. And there is no reliably stronger instinct to protect than one the mother has toward her child. No, it has to be-'_

A thought struck her.

' _I can look any way I wish to. I chose a proper lady from the Regency Period. What if someone was a child at heart? One that always liked to run wild?'_

...

Kyoko entered the apartment she once lived in and took a look around. It was fairly large for the post-Impact world, but the newlyweds, especially those that started having children quickly, received government subsidies for accommodation. 'The children are the future of humanity' was the official policy. She was convinced that the actual motivation was more like 'the population loss had to be replenished if a nation was to remain competitive' or 'keep breeding to keep the nation strong', but the language purposefully kept the focus on humanity as a whole instead of focusing on the nation: flag-waving of any kind was heavily discouraged.

Kyoko took her time surveying the place and gathering her strength for a confrontation that was likely to occur. It was a typical Western-style place: a tiny antechamber with a place to hang the coats, now mostly empty; a large living room merged with a kitchen; a bedroom big enough for a double bed and a small wardrobe; a spare room intended as a children's room; a bathroom; a separate toilet. All furnished in a simple, functional style, mostly with various plastics; wooden adornments were few.

It was a place she intended to make a home for her husband and Asuka.

' _I did my best. But in the end, was it enough?'_

She blinked at the sudden shift, still not used to how much reality was merely a polite agreement in this place. It was dark outside now, and her younger self was sitting at her bedroom desk, staring at the screen of her desktop computer, a machine she vastly preferred to her far-too-small-screen work laptop. Little Asuka slid into the room, tiptoeing around and approaching the busy Kyoko. A sudden ambush was greeted with a yelp, which in turn made Asuka laugh. Young Kyoko looked at her with mock pity, smiled and ruffled her hair – which kept Asuka laughing.

"Kommst du, Mama? Du hast versprochen mit mir zu spielen!" Asuka inquired. _("Are you coming, mom? You promised to play with me!")_

Kyoko smiled patiently and sighed. "Ich habe noch ein bisschen zu tun, Liebling. Geh, spiel alleine, ich werde bald da sein" she said with a voice tinged with sadness. _(_ " _I still have a bit to do, darling. Go, play by yourself, I'll be there soon."_ _)_

Asuka's face turned long, but she nodded and retreated without a word; younger Kyoko returned to her work.

Kyoko sighed. ' _How many times I told her that, I wonder?'_

Her husband entered the room, greeting her younger self with a kiss on her head. An eyeblink later they were in their nightwear and talking.

"Could you take her out somewhere tomorrow evening? I still have a paper to write, and she wants me to play with her daily" younger Kyoko started while brushing her hair at the vanity.

He raised his eyes from the magazine. "Not tomorrow, I have an off-site meeting" he refused. "Same with the day after tomorrow, I have to stay longer. I thought you said you liked spending time with her?", he inquired.

Younger Kyoko sighed. "Of course I do. It's just… time-consuming. And the paper is due in less than a week, and it's not the only one."

"Sorry, dear. Not in the next two days. She's a grown girl, she can do by herself" he smiled. "I saw her play all on her own with the new dollhouse we bought her."

Younger Kyoko smiled. "Perhaps you're right." She finished her evening routine, climbed the bed, and cuddled to her husband's side. He embraced her with a smile.

' _I guess it was not always fighting, was it?'_ Kyoko smiled to herself, watching the scene. ' _So… it's not him who is the problem this time, I guess, as my other self is presenting him in a good light. Or maybe my subconsciousness simply got tired of portraying him as an asshole all the time?'_ she chuckled.

The lights went out and Kyoko lost her orientation. It was still normal, mundane darkness, not the 'nothingness' kind she witnessed before, so her panic lasted only a second before reorienting herself. She was in Asuka's room, and it was evening; maybe the same one, maybe the next one – the only indication was Asuka's domestic dress, same as in the previous scene.

The girl was sitting on her bed and stroking the head of one of the dolls – a blonde girl in a Bavarian folk dress. Kyoko noticed the number of dolls in the room – easily numbering in tens.

' _I wonder if she retained any of those. I remember giving mine away… but I didn't have my childhood marred by the death of my parents.'_

"Schlaf gut. Mama hat versprochen, morgen mit uns zu spielen" little Asuka said, tucking the doll in. _("Sleep well. Mom has promised to play with us tomorrow."_ _)_

' _Let me guess… I didn't?'_

She was the antechamber again. A familiar figure in stained and ragged domestic clothing silently appeared in the shadows of apartment's antechamber, pointing at the main bedroom door, then entering them. Kyoko followed reluctantly.

"Kommst du, Mama? Du hast versprochen mit mir zu spielen!" Asuka asked. For a moment, Kyoko thought she was seeing the scene from before, repeated, but it was not the case – her younger self was wearing different clothing and the desk looked differently. _("Are you coming, mom? You promised to play with me!"_ )

"Tut mir leid, Schätzchen, heute kann ich nicht" was her younger self's reply. Asuka did not reply, just left, clearly dejected. Kyoko noticed tears forming in her eyes. _(_ " _I'm sorry, darling (lit. little treasure), I can't today.")_

"All right, I get the picture" she addressed her other self, ignoring the fact that it was nowhere to be seen; it was surely listening to her, this or another way. "I was not the best mother around. But it was not always so, I spent a lot of time with her-"

A scene suddenly shifted. Her younger self and Asuka were spending a day in an aquapark, Asuka laughing after going down one of the few slides a child her age would be let on. Kyoko noticed absentmindedly that even then, her daughter had that particular love for the colour red, judging from her swimsuit.

A scene of Kyoko cursing silently over the laptop screen in a dark room followed; it was deep night and she was clearly working overtime on something.

Another scene of spending a day with Asuka, this time taking a trip to the countryside. Again, it was followed by overtime work, this time at the Institute, again, young Kyoko seemed increasingly annoyed.

Several other scenes followed, all with the same theme: time with Asuka, and making it up somehow. Kyoko could feel the resentment getting strong every time.

"Stop it!"

The scenes ceased. Kyoko was once more in the apartment, this time alone. It was once more an early evening and she was sitting at the desk in her bedroom. There was this unpleasant smell in the air, making her realise she was not alone; a sideways glance at the vanity's mirror confirmed the presence of a distorted figure sitting on the bed.

"I get it" she spoke up after suppressing a small shiver. She was getting used to the presence, but its unnatural position and shape did not make it an easy task. "I did see her as an obstacle. I did question the wisdom of giving birth to her. I even considered sending her away to live with her grandparents" she admitted. "But I never did, did I? Or do I misremember?"

The figure on the bed did not react visibly, or at least not in a way Kyoko noticed. She still refused to look at her.

"I take it as a 'no', otherwise you'd be taking me somewhere… somewhen… to prove me wrong. On an unrelated note" she interjected, "are you getting tired of me digging inside your… our… mind? Because your visions and suggestions are becoming less cryptic with every sphere I visit."

Her other self twitched, then seemed to shrug.

"I'll take it as 'I don't know' or 'don't think too much about it'" Kyoko sighed. "Back to the matter at hand, I really don't know how to solve this. There's no one to blame here but myself, and I can't reject my own proposal, or I can't admonish myself for infidelity, no more than I can resolve this as a criminal case. I know you can't talk, but… a suggestion here?"

She jumped when she sensed a touch of a cold hand on her arm; her hair stood up and shivers crept up the touched hand. Slowly, she turned her head until she was looking at a dirty, damaged jumper. She dared not to look up. "Lead… lead on" she managed to squeeze out of her clenched throat.

Her other self took her hand in its own. The touch was unpleasant – cold skin, broken nails, and rough skin contributed to the sense of wrongness – but this time it was almost gentle. Kyoko dared to look up only once she was reasonably sure her guide was no longer looking at her; still, seeing her own head at a horribly wrong angle and rope burns on the neck – not to mention deep claw marks – made her nauseous; thinned hair with far too many grey strands did not help things.

Their walk was surprisingly long, several times longer than it was possible in this apartment; finally, her other self stopped in front of Asuka's door and pushed them. Squeezing her hand once more, her reflection let go of her hand and pushed her gently inside.

...

 _Outside_

"Data bank for Unit-02 complete" a technician's voice reported.

"Harmonics are all normal, just a little bit subdued" Maya Ibuki reported from her station. "All in green, the meditative stated is unchanged, but does not seem to interfere with synchronisation" she turned to Ritsuko, who was doing her best to focus – and mostly succeeded.

"Pilot status normal", came in another report.

"Of course it is normal. It feels perfectly fine here" Asuka smiled.

She had been surprisingly calm from the moment she entered the Entry Plug; it felt almost like Unit-02 was singing to her, or like hugging a softly purring cat. She was becoming more comfortable with her Evangelion with every deployment, but now, without the pressure of the battle… it almost felt like _home_.

She relaxed her body and let her mind wander.

...

Little Asuka was sitting on her bed, playing with a doll. "Hallo, Mama" she smiled.

"Hallo, Liebling" Kyoko replied. "Ist alles in ordnung?" _(_ " _Is everything okay?")_

Asuka nodded energetically and happily.

"Fühlst du dich nicht allein? Verlassen?" Kyoko asked. _("Are you feeling lonely?_ _Abandoned?")_

"Ein bisschen allein, ja" Asuka admitted. "Aber… aber ich weiß das du viel zu tun hast" she continued. For a moment, Kyoko had doubts: Asuka was a little too eloquent for her apparent age; on the other hand, she was always smart, not to mention, this was not exactly a memory – it was a meeting that never happened. _(_ " _A bit alone, yes" "But… but I know you have a lot to do.")_

"Es ist in Ordnung", Asuka continued, having put the doll aside. "Nur… Kannst du mir etwas versprechen? Dass du bei mir sein wirst, wenn es wirklich wichtig ist?" _("It is all right" "Just… Can you promise me something? That you will be with me when it is really important?")_

"Wann immer du mich brauchst, Tochter" Kyoko pulled her in a fierce hug. _(_ " _Whenever you need me, daughter")_

"Dann ist es wirklich in Ordnung" Asuka replied, her voice suddenly different. Kyoko pulled away, surprised, only to notice her daughter all grown-up, dressed in a beautiful green dress, and smiling at her warmly. Kyoko blinked for a few moments before being pulled back into an equally powerful hug by a surprisingly strong teenager. _("Then it is really all right")_

This time, the body Kyoko was in was able to cry. No longer willing to hold them back, she let her tears flow.

...

 _Outside_

"…you all right?" a question came, followed by a pause. "Asuka, do you hear me?" the female voice became insistent.

Asuka shook her head, trying to focus on the voice. Was that just a dream? What just happened? ' _There was Mama… I hugged her… and…'_

"I'm fine" she replied reflexively. "I'm… fine, Doctor" she confirmed after a few seconds of confusion. "I relaxed a bit too much, I guess."

"There is no such thing as 'too relaxed' in an Eva, as long as you maintain combat readiness. According to the readings, you were conscious, and you just had a large sync rate spike. What did you do?"

Asuka gave herself a moment to think. There were hazy images, feeling like she was dreaming of her old home. But she could recall nothing precise, except a warm and fuzzy feeling of being embraced and accepted.

"I… I don't know, Doctor. I think I just spaced out and had a daydream", she finally admitted sheepishly, saying just the truth, even if it was not the whole truth.

"All right, that concludes the Unit-02" Ritsuko replied with a weary voice, deciding it was not an issue worth pressing. After all, it was not unheard of to register random spikes with Unit-02, and so far, it has caused no issues. And there was still a lot of work to do today. "Let's move to cross-synch test now. You can get out, Asuka."

"Yes, Doctor" Asuka replied in an unusually serene voice.

...

Kyoko opened her eyes and saw the familiar yellow-brick road; she was alone once more. Her face was still wet, but she felt relieved of some burden she did not even realise she was carrying. "What do you say now? Am I ready for the final sphere?" she addressed the being she knew had to be close by.

Looking up, she saw the wall of sculptures in front of her. This time, all of them were familiar. ' _I guess I'm getting a grip on my subconsciousness'_ she smiled to herself.

The first one was the parent embracing a child in a possessive, controlling, smiting manner. Kyoko shivered slightly. ' _I know I just did hug Asuka as if I wanted to break her bones… but it was not that, right? Not smiting, not possessive, just… reassuring?'_

The second was once more the representation of two people behaving aggressively towards each other. ' _This is done and gone. Definitely not going back there. Next.'_

The third one was the representation of convoluted paths, insane mazes, multiple obstacles, and similar confusing imagery. ' _This is where I came from previously. Next.'_

The fourth and last one was the broken sphere – with associated misery and conflict inside – Kyoko wished to choose the last time. ' _I guess this is the only choice now, isn't it?'_

She reached for the broken sphere, only to realise her other self has already laid the hand on it. This time, the hand did not withdraw, even as Kyoko touched the sculpture. For a short moment, just before the gate opened, her other self touched Kyoko's hand and gently squeezed it. Kyoko blinked in surprise, but had little time to reflect.

The sculpture opened differently than those before it, more akin to an iris; suddenly Kyoko stared into an abyss. It was a vortex of darkness, without light or shadow, a manifestation of chaos – and she had a distinct impression that this vortex was staring back at her.

She hesitated. ' _What is this? Is this how my deepest subconscious mind looks like?'_

She reached carefully towards the vortex. The hard-to-define surface rippled and reached back. Not expecting a response, Kyoko failed to retreat her hand in time.

The darkness swallowed her before she had a chance to do anything else.

...

Yui was still sitting on the library chair and ruminating over the options and hypotheses when she felt an entry plug inserted into her body. This was clearly not an alert situation; they were going in gradually, it seemed like an experiment of sorts. Especially that – as she discovered with bewilderment – the person inside the plug was not her son.

The contact was obviously not as good as it was with Shinji, but it was enough for her to get impressions that confused her. She recognised the girl immediately – it was the other pilot, it was the girl she was thinking about. ' _Wait. Has my body – or my subconsciousness – built it all from things heard around? Is the odd guest just my imagination?'_ Yui panicked for a moment. ' _No, impossible'_ she realised a moment after, but not before prompting some confused voices among technicians looking at the readings. ' _I felt the presence for too long. This is merely a coincidence. I didn't imagine the food disappearing, and there was an independent soul there. I never could create living people in the mansion, after all.'_

She shook out of this train of thought and focused on the girl inside the plug, taking a closer, careful look at her – and had to suppress another near-panic reaction, once more causing the technicians to take a closer look at the readings.

This was the face Yui remembered from her childhood, and that she recalled when she browsed family photo albums. Her face. Looking at the girl was like looking in the mirror, except for the blue hair and red eyes.

' _Gods, what have you done, Gendo? Cloned me? Pulled some experiment with Unit-01 to copy me?'_ she thought, aghast. Moments later a chill ran down her spine. ' _You wouldn't… no, you're a fool and a cruel man, but even you wouldn't stoop to child abuse…'_ she fought the horrific thought down and refocused on the girl.

' _This is definitely blue hair. This is not a natural colour, so, this is no coincidence.'_ She reached towards the girl's soul cautiously. She felt unusually peaceful, almost serene, clearly impassive.

And familiar. The mirror impression was not only from her appearance… except she clearly lacked something, a certain spark. ' _She is not peaceful or serene; she is subdued, muted, pacified, silenced. I might be no expert, but I don't think that's something that happens naturally. What has Gendo done to you, child? Tell me, tell me more…'_

...

Kyoko knew better than to struggle for breath – this was a place where she could grow gills if she wanted to. Instead, she simply decided to hold her breath and find the shore. Soon after, she felt something under her feet.

Emerging from the water, she knew to expect anything – but she was still mildly surprised by the fact that she found nothing. There was a landscape, but it was just dry, barren land as far as the eye could see, with earth cracked from the heat and the sky in the colour of ashes. Looking behind, she saw a shoreline of the sea – or the ocean – from which she has just emerged, dark red and equally unwelcoming.

' _Well… at least it is something I can comprehend'_ she sighed once she restarted her breathing. ' _Where to-oh.'_

There was a single point of orientation – a tiny silhouette, somewhere close to the horizon. Kyoko took a deep breath and started walking. It was obvious who that had to be – and clearly, there was nothing else to do here.

She was not surprised at all when she covered the distance in a few steps. The figure was standing at the edge of a chasm; Kyoko hazarded a look down; numerous small figures littered the bottom; Kyoko realised what those were when the unbearable stench of death hit her. She stepped back, abruptly.

"God, I knew it was bad… but…"

Without thinking, she reached for her counterpart's hand, closed her eyes and started to pull her reflection away. She encountered minimal resistance; after a few moments later, she stopped, her eyes still closed. She felt her other self stop as well. Reaching blindly, she grabbed its other hand, knowing perfectly what must happen now.

...

Yui delved subtly into the girl's mind, careful not to alert her of the presence; one of the subtleties she never came around to teach to Soryu, as it just occurred to her. What she saw was a stream of random images and random thoughts about air, water, and earth were only things on her mind. It was joined by some faces: teenaged boys and girls from whom Yui recognised only Shinji and Asuka, if only from his memories. The girl has shown no sign of trauma, no sign of direct abuse, but also no sign of being given any care or proper attention, nothing beyond hazily remembered, almost sleepwalked life filled with constant waiting. Waiting that was only interrupted by bouts of violence and pain – moments associated with the Evangelions and Angels. While not everything connected to Evangelions had this association, far too many things did.

Yui focused on those more violent moments: an activation gone wrong; a horrible pain of being cooked alive in LCL, but holding the line to protect someone; a battle with a spider-like Angel after crawling in the ducts; a sky falling on their heads. All the memories from the fights carried a common thought: 'protect'.

Yui blinked. It was not just a generic 'protect', it was more 'protect humanity' and seemed to encompass everyone, unconditionally. ' _What else is in you, girl?'_ Yui thought, confused. ' _This is not an attitude I'd expect from an emotionally mute teenager…'_

She narrowed her eyes at the emotions. It seemed that recently, it was more 'protect Ikari'. It was almost like Shinji became a face of humanity for this girl-

"So, Rei, how does it feel to be piloting Unit-01 for the first time?" a female voice from outside interrupted Yui's focus.

' _Rei. Her name is Rei. Gendo, you…'_ Yui could not decide on the dominant feeling on the matter, thus was having a hard time to decide between praise and an insult towards her husband. ' _Is she a daughter for you? Is that what happens when you try to raise a child? Perhaps it was better Shinji grew up without you…'_

"It smells like Ikari" Rei answered, impassively. "It's warm" she added.

There was a short pause in communication, followed by words by the same voice and tone; it was Doctor Akagi, her voice weary. "Okay, the test is finished, the results look very promising. Rei, you can get out now."

"Yes, ma'am" the blue-haired girl replied with the same lack of emotion.

The Entry Plug mechanism started to whirl. Yui refocused on the girl, trying to remember her as much as she could. Finally, just before the connection was severed, the squeezed her hand; they parted with a hint of surprise.

' _Next time I'm admonishing Soryu for providing comfort to her daughter, I'll be a hypocrite'_ she thought wryly. ' _I hope it will not be necessary.'_

She turned her attention inwards again. Sighing, she returned to anxious waiting, mixed with pondering what connection can this girl have with the blue-haired, likely feral child that was somewhere in her mindscape.

...

Kyoko was holding hands of her other self, reluctant to take the next step. Finally, she spoke up.

"Hello, monster", she said in a shaking voice, her eyes still shut. She felt the silent presence close to her. She smelled it, a paradoxical mix of sweet and bitter. She felt the parched, damaged skin of her hands on her own, sensed the broken nails and rough callouses against her own skin.

And she was not very eager to confront her other self. ' _But I did not go through it all just to run, did I?'_

She slowly opened her eyes.

What stood in front of her was something she half-expected, half-feared.

It was a face she was likely to see after staring into a mirror for too long, or when gazing into a mirror in a nightmare. It was her own visage, yes but distorted in a perpetual scream: mouth agape beyond what was physically possible without injury – but giving no sound; eyes like her own, but bulged and mad; a face full of fear, anger, and sadness – all frozen in a single expression.

The whole being was a twisted image of her, as she saw when her reflection was guiding her through the whole journey. The tense limbs were twisted at odd angles; the fingers had broken nails and looked like someone bit down on them perpetually, never allowing the wounds to heal properly; her clothing was dirty, ragged, and mismatched, with a tattered laboratory coat over a domestic skirt and elegant – if heavily damaged – blouse; her shoes were mismatched as well, worn down, and falling apart; she had rope burns and infected claw marks on the unnaturally bent neck; her hair was once in a bun, but now it was a tangled, dirty mess. Its entire form screamed voicelessly while staring at her with eyes filled with conflicting emotions.

Every instinct, virtually every sub-conscious feeling, nearly every rational thought told Kyoko to **RUN**.

But there was a single voice that was whispering she should stay. There was an intelligence behind those eyes, a feeling and longing mind; sentience she could not abandon.

There was a "her" somewhere inside, not just the monstrous "it".

"Are you hungry?" she asked a first the question that came to her mind. She could have sworn there was a moment of confusion in those eyes. There was, of course, no verbal answer – but a slight movement towards her.

Taking it for a reluctant 'yes', she let go of one of the hands, reached to her own coat, and produced a fruit. She wanted it to be an apple, but what appeared in her hand looked like a large lemon with bumps on its skin; she blinked and shrugged: it did not matter, she wanted it edible, so it was most likely edible. "Here", she handed it to her other self, trying her hardest to keep her hands from shaking. The creature grabbed it from her hands with a clawed hand and swallowed it whole, its mouth enlarging to encompass it in a manner that gave Kyoko shivers.

The being slowly reached with its hand, touching Kyoko's face. Kyoko forced herself not to step away, limiting her reaction to clenching her teeth.

Tears formed in the insane eyes. Her reflection was clearly trying to say something.

Kyoko fought herself for a moment. Finally, she returned the gesture. The skin of the nightmarish visage was dry as parchment; she felt like she was touching someone ancient, or perhaps someone malnourished.

The being fought to speak. "It's all right… Kyoko. Take your time."

' _I wonder how after losing everything, including a piece of your own soul, and then failing to find rest even in death – how, after all this, she managed to reach out.'_

A voice slowly raised, grating and fragmented. "Yyyou… I… caam… caame. Forr yyou. Forr… mme."

Kyoko nodded. "Yes. I don't know how, but I am going to-"

That was the moment her other self started to scream.

There were no words, just an ear-piercing shriek across the vocal scale. Kyoko realised an urge to scream herself, to join her other self in a morbid duet. She tried to resist that, but there was little reason to in her mind.

From the depths of her body, she screamed. All her fear, all her confusion, all the worry she had for Asuka, all the pain she suffered – she was letting it out in a primal howl.

For a moment, she saw something in those bulging eyes: contention, understanding, perhaps satisfaction? Then she saw only red. Then, she saw nothing, her eyes giving out.

...

Eternity passed. Unable to scream anymore, Kyoko fell to her knees. She tried to open her eyes; it was difficult, they felt like she woke from a long sleep. They were also sore and dry, but at least they worked again.

Slowly, she realised there was no one else there; she blinked several times, shaking off the haze.

She was still in the broken landscape she knew, the ground was as almost torn as it was before… but it seemed to slowly move: the fires were dying down, the rifts in the ground were closing.

And she was alone.

A moment of panic gripped her. ' _I lost her. Where… where did she go?'_

She looked around, but the twisted, tortured form that reflected her own was nowhere to be seen. She rose to her feet, only to stumble immediately. She took a deep breath, her throat still sore from screaming, her lungs still burning.

After a few steps, walking became a bit easier. She shook her head again. The panic subsided, and she felt anger rising in her chest. Few more steps and she stumbled again; this time, recovering was not possible; she planted herself face-first in a-

-pool of water?

' _This wasn't here before, it was all dirt and ash…'_

She shook the water away from her face and stared into the pool.

A familiar, if horrid, screaming face greeted her: eyes bulging, teeth exposed, muscles tense: a visage of anger. She blinked.

So did the reflection.

She blinked once more, and the face in the reflection smoothed out. She saw herself, once more, a normal face. One that showed great exhaustion, yes – but no torment.

' _What… why…'_

She looked around and a gasp escaped her ravaged lungs.

' _You-I kept your-mine word. You-I came for me-yourself and you-I helped me-yourself'_ confusingly-formed thoughts entered her mind.

' _I'm home. Welcome home.'_

Kyoko blinked in confusion, trying to recall the significance of those words.

A flurry of images blasted in her mind. Images she saw before, at the beginning of her journey, and later, in the following spheres – but now, they were her own. And this time, they came with all the sensory input and emotional charge.

A searing, indescribable pain she experienced in the Core when she felt like she was being torn apart right at her soul. The world that no longer looked **right** to her, full of things she did not understand. Her anger at that world and everyone, and her attacks when she expressed that anger. Being repeatedly sedated and waking up on a hospital bed, the world increasingly blurry. Horrible loneliness. Ways she found to cope with that, finding things that looked familiar. Asuka-not-really-Asuka, a doll she fashioned and called by her daughter's name. Her real daughter she could not recognise at that time. The girl's visible distress on that, and her angry stares at the doll. Her husband, his face inscrutable and angry. Crying Asuka-then-not-Asuka.

The smiles he traded with the nurse or perhaps a doctor, smiles he thought she did not see. Her anger, seen as another attack of 'the psychosis', as they called her reaction to the broken world. More blur as they increased the medication. The perfectly recognisable sounds from the room next to her own, signs of his infidelity. Again, crying Asuka-then-not-Asuka.

The decision and the resolve that followed. Asuka-not-really-Asuka hanging from the ceiling, finally free of this wrong world and dying with her. The feeling of the improvised rope grazing again her skin when it tightened and blocked her breathing; the drop was far too short to snap her neck and kill her quickly, a mistake she realised quickly enough to suffer, but too late to fix. Her vision turning white and the buzzing sounding in her ears, a result of rapidly growing blood pressure in her head. Loss of sight, the world turning first hazy, then black. Her limbs, flailing in a pre-mortem reflex; her fingers clawing at the rope at her own neck, trying to loosen it in the primal survival reaction, hurting her skin. Loss of tactile sensation; losing the grasp on the body; pain finally going away. Loss of hearing; the world finally going silent.

And then, only darkness.

But there was no peace in death. What followed were sudden, disjointed images no longer making any sense, interspaced with short periods of nothingness. Fear. Seeing herself. Loneliness. Seeing adult- no, teenager Asuka. Fear. Feeling even more alone. Pleading for help. Pulling someone-herself to her. Making a pact. Seeing someone-herself coming to help. Guiding herself, facing herself, seeking unity. Finding pain, understanding, suffering. Seeking unity. Finding unity.

Kyoko screamed from the depth of her lungs once more.

...

Her head was ringing, but the pain was gone. She touched her neck and glanced at the reflective surface again. It was no longer a small pool; she was on the shore of a beautiful lake.

' _Is that it? Am I done?'_

She felt… good.

Her loud, clear laughter carried over a green land; a single glance over it reminded Kyoko of the green fields of her homeland. ' _Have I inadvertently created my own garden?'_

A more careful look made her dismiss that idea. It was literally a simple green field as far as the eye could reach – with only a small groove in sight. She approached it, noticing something unusual between the trees – an arch, made of both living wood and metal, about as tall as she was and not much wider. It was supported by a tree on the left and a metal column on the right, beautifully adorned with leaves and vines both living and sculpted, and topped with a magnificent crown made of intertwined vines and wire.

' _Another gateway?'_ she thought exasperated. ' _And I thought I was leaving…'_

As in response, the interior of the arch shifted. Kyoko's heart sped up. ' _Perhaps I am?'_

She stepped closer. There was light emanating from between the branches and rods that blocked the passage. Indistinct shapes moved behind them, mesmerising her.

She shook her head. ' _I'm not done yet, am I? There was a final sentence in what Ikari told me…'_

She recalled that final moment when they stood over the beautifully illuminated book. Yui, with her eyes closed, with an expression of focus on her face, was quoting the tale she recalled from her childhood. '" _The seeker who reaches for the crown shall understand", she said, and then opened her eyes and looked at me, solemnly. Then, she took my hand. "This is your path. I cannot tell you more, for this is all I know". I nodded… and took far too much time to take my hand away'_ Kyoko blushed.

' _The crown'_ she refocused and reached up. The branches and rods started to retreat, showing a surface full of images from her life, all of them simultaneous. Then, all of them suddenly vanished, replaced with Kyoko's reflection. She smiled at it; it was dressed in a proper laboratory attire, immaculate lab coat included. But this time, it was indeed just a reflection.

' _This is my home. My mind. My domain.'_

She stood there for a long while, basking in the bliss the unity brought, the satisfaction of being healthy and whole again; time lost its meaning. Then, half an eternity later, she took a deep breath. "I have things to do. Let's go back to Ikari… shall we?" she smiled softly.

The surface moved smoothly and changed into a familiar path in the garden. Kyoko stepped through, the smile still on her face.

...

Yui Ikari was sitting at the garden table, having her tea after being done with any work she could think of in the mansion and having thought through every hypothesis about the blue-haired girl – girls? – she could think of. She was in a spot she was always sitting at, admiring her own work on the growing mindscape.

But that was before she invited Soryu in and got used to her company.

She took a deep breath as her chest was once again tightened in worry and anxiety. "I should not have let her go alone" she spoke to no-one in particular and took a sip of tea, leaning back on her chair, her mind uneasy.

"Ikari."

Yui Ikari sprang to her feet faster than her conscious mind could react. She paid no heed to the toppled chair and the teacup that fell victim to the sudden movement.

Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu was standing in front of her, dressed in the period dress she always wore here – and smiling warmly.

"Soryu" was all Yui managed to get out through her clenched throat. She took a few steps towards her and made a gesture as if she wanted to reach for her, then, she hesitated.

"Hello, Ikari. I'm back. And I think… I think I found what I was looking for", she said in soft, somehow shaky voice, wringing her hands. "I'm sorry to barge like this, without knocking, but it was a little bit difficult to knock from the other side."

Yui blinked. "Soryu…" she hesitated, scrambling for words. "Isn't this… isn't this your home now, as well?" she managed her own smile. "You can just… come in."

"Well…" Kyoko paused, pondering both her feeling about her domain she just experienced, as well as the implications of Yui's words, implications that made her feel quite warm. ' _No one said I cannot have two homes, right? Especially my own requires some… construction work'_ she chuckled internally before refocusing on the present.

"Then I guess… I'm home" she looked up at Yui and her smile grew wider, her eyes still careful.

"Welcome home", Yui smiled warmly.

Kyoko wanted to reply; this was suddenly made difficult by a surprising, crushing, but not unwelcome embrace. She could say only one thing and hope it would be enough.

"I'm home."


End file.
